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Dad stole, lied and keeps doing it.
14/f Hi :) Basicall, a few weeks before I was supposed to go on holiday, I checked my shared bank account to take out the money I had saved to pay for my share of the holiday. Dad sometimes puts bits in and says its to pay for things that I need. Keywords: Things I need. I checked it and it said I had 43 cents. I thought it was odd and got my mom to check what had happened on this booklet thing (mom's a bit old fashioned). What had happened was that someone had taken out little bits through out the course of two years to pay for odd stuff. I'm not allowed to go in it by myself so I have to have mom or dad around when I check it.
Big chunks came out around Valentines Day and around the time he got married to his new gf (or should I say wife). He got married without telling me; I wasn't invited but I got over it. It still hurt though. But anyway, I confronted him about it and he said he had to pay for car repairs, bills etc.
I knew he was lying. I stopped talking to him for a while and was finally ready to forgive him after about a month (we had to cancel the holiday because I couldn't go) and I asked him why he did it. He replied with, "charity at work." Why did he lie before? And did he really need over $1500?!?!
So after arguing, I didn't speak to him for about 3 months. I looked in my account again to find that he was still taking it. Not only that, he was saying that I couldn't make it to family outings because my mom was being difficult and turning my into a brat. So I told them the truth but they all took dad's side. "He's still your dad, you should talk things out."
"At least you have a dad!"
"He took some money, big deal. You could have a dad that abuses you."
And it sucks! I don't know what to do anymore. The only person on my side is my mom. It's really starting to make me feel depressed. I don't smile anymore because of all the pressure that's put on me to sort everything out and keep my grades high AND still be the perfect girl my family thinks I am. What should I do? Sorry to bore you with this.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
For that matter, with online banking, you can keep watch on the account, and even see images of the withdrawal checks to see if you recognize the handwriting.
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First of all you could never prove your dad stole any money from you as his name is on the account. Because of this what ever funds are in this account are as much his as they are yours. The fact that the deposits all came from you may have some legal baring if you have proof you earned and deposited those funds. It would depend largely on the laws in your state. You would need to consult an attorney if you wanted to know for sure.
What you may want to do is consult an attorney and ask that the attorney send you dad a letter stating you are giving him a chance to return the funds plus your costs to recover them, attorneys fees, before you file charges of Grand theft against him. Grand theft is a felony which comes with heavy prison time.
The letter from an attorney might just scare you father into returning the money. He would have to send the money to your attorney who would then give you a check once the check received clears the bank.
If all this happens I would suggest since you are now legally old enough to have your own bank account that you open one in your own name at a different bank from the one you presently bank at.
What I'm suggesting is a long shot or a Hail Mary pass but it just might work if an Attorney is willing to do this for you.
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Why on earth didn't you ask your mom to start an account with you instead the first time he took money out without telling. If it happened once and he forgot to tell you it was used to pay a bill, he should have put it back in later. It can't be forgetfullness when he repeats this. He is definitely hiding something. there is no law that says you have to have Dad as the co signer on your bank savings account, it just has to be a parent or guardian. So if you trust Mom, and the other account is empty, its a good time to start a new one and put money only into there. Sounds like your Mom is lucky to not be with him anymore. And your family or friends who said at least you have a Dad are simply not thinking. Having a good male father figure is important whether the man is your biological father or not. Just because he is your biological father that doesnt mean he's a good example as a Dad and his betrayal and using you for money source and lying is a bad e xample and can scar you emotionally and cause trouble for you with trust when it comes time for you to date guys. That statement that at least he doesnt abuse you is also BS. This is a form of abuse. He doesnt see it that way, and apparently, others don't either but it is abusing your trust and as I already said, its abuse against you therefore emotionally. A parent is to provide for their child legally until they turn 18, not take from them and rob them. I'm sure theres' no way to get your money back and your mom may be unlikely to push him for it. I think your Mom may know more about his issues and problems than she's let on. Have a talk with her and let her know you want to start an account again with her on it instead. Not sure why you are blocked from using your account on your own but my husbands daughter at 12 asked them to set her up with an acct. as she was earning lots of money creating things on IMVU enough to make big deposits on a weekly basis and using the debit card, made purchases of clothing she wanted from Pyramid collection. The parents simply thought it was an account to hold her birthday money. And freaked when packages they hadn't ordered began to arrive. So apparently there are things a kid can do with their bank account even if a parent has to be a joint person on it to get it started.
Once you turn 18, don't waste a moment getting Mom to go in with you to have herself taken off so its only yours. A bank will take money out of any family members account to pay another family members bounced checks. It happened to my daughter who forgot to get Dad taken off her account. He paid her back though.
Thats an awful lot of money he's taken. So stop using that bank account. Hope it all goes well from now on. So sorry to hear this happened to you
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