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Sleeping With Men The First Night
I want A Relationship But Every Guy I Meet I Sleep With Him Within The First Two Week's. Then He End's Up Losing interest Within A Couple Week's. I'm Young & want to Date Not Jus Have Sex After A Few Dates But Get To Know A Person & So On..I Think I'm A Who're But I would really like to change that. And Find The Inner Me An Not Jus Club Every Weekend & Party 24/7 . I'm 23 & A Females
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
For now , I think you should sit back and analyse things critically. Ask yourself whether all those guys you had sex with really love you..I guess the answer is no. Meaning a guy can have sex with anyone and not love the person. The fact that they have sex with you doesn't mean they like you. They see you as cheap. Since you are young I would advice that for the next relationship you go in scrutinize the guy get to know him better control yourself and change the topic if he starts talking about sex. If he persists then he is in for just sex. Try to focus more on your education try something new to get over your past life, your pas does not define. Don't ever use the word whore on yourself anymore. There lies a beautiful girl inside you who just needs a good relationship. Don't settle for less and play hard to get. Hopes this helps.
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The idea that there is a right, or wrong time to sleep with someone in a new relationship is bullshit. Seriously. Just accept that. It. Is. Bullshit.
These guys who decided they were no longer interested in you, would have come to that conclusion whether or not you had sex with them. It's about finding a person who is the right match for you - it's not about dragging a guy on for a magical length of time to make him prove he's invested.
You aren't a whore. You are adult women who made choices. If you want to make different choices next time, that's great! You can do that, but don't pretend that waiting some set period of time for sex is the key to a successful relationship.
If you want to find a relationship, you are right that looking at a club on the weekend isn't' really the ideal place. If you are having trouble meeting guys at school, or work, or at clubs and activities, then online dating might be a good way for you to try and find someone who is interested in dating and/or a relationship.
It's not a good idea not to jump into bed with random people. Not because that means they aren't relationship material - some people met and fall in love exactly that way! - but it because it's just not that safe. It's also not a good idea force your relationships to meet random goals like "I can't sleep with you for X length of time." Sleep with someone when you both want too, and it's a choice you are comfortable with. Sometimes, it'll feel like a mistake. Most of the time, your relationship will end. ALL relationships end, until you find the one that doesn't, and then one of you dies. That's how it goes... they all end, until one doesn't.
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You're certainly not a whore, don't worry about that. I'd say the issue is that if you provide pretty much instant gratification you're going to attract guys who want instant gratification. And not be surprised if once satisfied, the attraction quickly fades. The guy has made virtually NO investment in YOU as a person. What little he has invested has immediately reaped it's intended reward. This is a great recipe for 'something we can easily walk away from'. We attract not so much what we aspire to be, more what we appear to already be. If you both wanted casual 'no strings' encounters then you would both have your expectations fully met and there would be no conflict of expectation. Which is what it's all about really, isn't it? You're expecting 'more' from these encounters and feel bitterly dissappointed when it does not materialise? Your 'inner me' has to become your 'outer me' as well. In fact your 'entire me'. We have defined 'integrity' here I think? You can't fake it. You can't buy. Or sell it. If you can it's not integrity. The 'cost' of integrity is your whole self. Nothing less. You have identified what you DO NOT want, by practical experience. The desire to change is all we need to change. Without the desire to change we keep on doing what we're doing. So for you, 24/7 clubbing and partying has lost it's allure? So have it's devotees? Little point continuing to take your bucket to a well that has nothing in it for you any more, is there? You don't need authorisation or validation. Re-invent and redefine yourself. Lose interest in the sort of guys who lose interest in you FIRST!
Incidentally, both whore and punter DO get exactly what they expected from the liaison. So you are most definitely NOT one. Which is where we started, isn't it?
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You did mention a club in there somewhere. Is that pretty generally where you find men? If so, they're there to party, get lucky and get laid. A party venue and bars is not where the smart men go looking for a long term relationship with possibilities of settling down with the girl, with or without a marriage license.
You do want a guy who is sexually interested in you as one who isn't may be gay, but where to find that middle ground? It's not easy. Some guys learn bad habits and get real lazy. But there are men out there who find just sex only with a girl to be something that gets boring after a while and are intelligent enough to figure out they want to also be her best friend as well. Lots of people seem to think there is no such thing as having a mate who is your best friend and also your lover. But both are necessary for a long lasting successful relationship.
Now you may be thinking that sex so soon is an issue and is actually causing the problem you have. It is not in my eyes. I am living proof. After a divorce late in life, I went dating, got on dating sites. Met a lot of guys. Ex was a sexual mismatch for me. So it was extremely important to me that the guy I find be someone who could be my sexual equal, someone I could have chemistry with in that area. I did not want to get months into dating to eventually have sex if the strong draw was there but I held back only to find that his libido was way less than mine. My ex had a low one, little sex needed, I have a high one and want sex often. I saw no issue with having sex the 2nd or 3rd date I saw a guy. If I liked him in the area, then I was ready to invite him to spend time with me doing other things as well, like you'd do with a friend. "Hey, lets go walking the mall together, or do you want to go bike riding, roller skating? I volunteer at a soup kitchen, wanna come along with me and pitch in? Invite him to partake in your life. Keep the invites coming, have good long talks asking him what his likes and hobbies are as well as sharing yours. Guys when it comes to holding a conversation with females often fumble alot and have no idea what to say so its up to you to make this happen by starting the talking and asking him about himself. Lets say he reveals he likes playing with remote control planes, cars or boats as his 'toy'. Ask him if he'd show you how the next time he goes. If he seems willing, then press for a date as to when, get that date on thej calendar. If he is interested in getting to know your personality as well as getting to know you sexually, then he'll bite. If its too much trouble for him or he's not interested in that kind of girl, he'll ask more stuff like sexual related questions or your house or mine tonight? I didn't mind answering sex related questions but you can tell when a guy is gathering information or has that eager glint in their eyes. At that point, be quick to tell them your purpose in discussing things of a sexual nature is not for the purpose of arousing him or hooking him but you know he will be excited to some extent. Your purpose is to find someone you feel might be a good match for you sexually when you both get to that point in the relationship if you even date to begin with. You are as much interested in the friendship part and you are looking for a 'long term' partner. These are the things to get across to a guy at your first official arranged meeting. Say you run into a guy at the bar. Make a date to meet him at a restaurant or coffee shop to talk further and see if it sounds like you have anything in common. I cut down the hunting for the needle in the haystack syndrome by weeding out guys on line on dating sites and it sure helped. Thats how I found my 2nd husband. If you have any other specific questions dear, just write me from my column. No questions in the rating comment box. Not set up for us to answer from there, yet. Good luck.
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