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He doesn't message first anymore.
I told my friend I liked him and although he said he didn't like me as a crush, we agreed to still be friends. It's been about three months now and I want to get over him. Therefore I don't message him first anymore now but do respond and talk when he does. He used to message me first but for the last week he doesn't and at school even it seems like we don't talk much anymore. Even though I know I want to get over him, it is kinda heartbreaking when he doesn't message now. Should I message first? Why does it seem like he is kind of avoiding me? How can I get over him as a crush but still have him as a friend? I'm a 11th grade girl if that helps.
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I really don't suggest that you message him first, if he said he wasn't into you then he probably is avoiding you somewhat because he thinks it's unfair to keep talking to you after knowing how you feel and doesn't want to lead you on. As much as you want to speak to him the best idea for you to get over him probably is to not speak to him and especially not for you o text him first because that will just be a recipe for you to be hurt if he doesn't respond the way you want to. The only thing you can do really is to not speak to him and maybe hell miss you and start messaging you again or start having feelings for you
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Yeah it sounds like hes trying to back off slowly so you dont get hurt, but what has been done cannot be undone and once someone knows your have feelings for them like that, its basically left up to them with what to DO with those feelings. He may not know how to handle this and how to feel so to keep anyone including him from getting hurt on any level hes easing away slowly.
Just continue to be nice to him whenever you see him and if you want to stay friends try to do things with him in a group of people so he doesnt feel weird. like plan a trip to the mall with your friends and have him come along. invite him and then see if he shows, this will tell you if hes still interested in even just being friends at this point.
if he does show and wants to be friends, keep the mood light, dont hang on every word he says, if the subject comes up and you both start to feel uncomfortable then play it off and say something light hearted like "well i had to let him know hes a good looking guy but GEEZ its not like THAT! hahaha" OWN IT basically is what im saying, act like its not a big deal and that you would tell ANY GUY if you thought he was good looking or that you were fond of him that nothing would stop you (even if you know it would) and then shrug and change the subject. this will minimize any damage that may have happened as a result of you letting your feelings be known. ; )
treat him like a buddy but dont play favorites, and he will see hopefully that things dont have to be forever changed just because you liked him and he didnt return the feelings. its OK and its part of life. its nothing to be ashamed of.
Maybe hes feeling like he doesnt have anything to say or doesnt know how to talk to you anymore, so if you want to remain friends and be able to text back and forth it will be your job to make sure that line of communication stays steady, send him funny videos of you and your friends doing silly things and talk to him about movies or something crazy you just saw on the tv. FIND things to talk to him about and over time he should start to feel more comfortable with freely talking to you again. just give him some time.
good luck ; )
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Well, You did say you stopped messaging him first, only responding if he does first.
Now imagine that you have a girlfriend who no longer messages you, she'll answer if you message first. You would begin to wonder if she has some issue with you she's not talking about. You wonder if she's still interested in being your friend or not. When people keep silent and just wait for others to make the first move every time, it's easy for the other to quit trying because it feels like the other isn't interested enough to keep in touch. I would say, that's the unintentional message you sent him by no longer writing first half the time.
As for remaining friends but getting over seeing a person as a crush, hey even adults have trouble with that too. It's not easy. It takes lots of time. And spending lots of time together is not going to be helpful to you in getting over him cus seeing him or hearing his voice is just a reminder of what didn't work out for you. So no matter who messages first, it all counts as contact that doesnt help you get over him.
Perhaps he was observant enough of himself to realize he felt the friendship attraction but not the romantic/sexual attraction. That's one of the biggest reasons that relationships don't have a chance to start, only one feels something. Or the reason that other dating couples split up, no chemistry in that area, not sexually attracted to the person. Theres a difference to finding a person to look handsome or beautiful and having that romance chemistry. The first is like watching a spectacular sunset, you drink in the colors and beauty of nature. But once that sunset is over, you can move on with all the other things in life and not miss it, there'll always be another. With a person where there's chemistry because both your pheremones match, there is instant attraction on both parts and both of you will know it and eventually tell each other, and won't want to focus on anything other than each other. Pheremones is something invisible that humans produce, and its what attracts one to the other, beyond just basic acknowledgement of looks. I can look at a beautiful female figure and enjoy it for its beauty without being sexually attracted to, wanting to kiss, cuddle and have sex with the other female. For that matter, there are men who've looked like a model out of a magazine and I got to date a couple short term before meeting 2nd husband. They were beautiful to look at. I had a desire to be with them because of how handsome they were but once we both got to know each other, realized that even though we were decent normal people, that who we were inside just didn't appeal to the other. I can't say your guy even consciously said no for any of these reasons, by he acted upon what he sensed all the same. Once you can understand that this happens often in life, you'll know to not dwell too much on a guy you initially are attracted to and continue to do so long term from a distance or as friends without taking the time to find out if the other feels the same attraction in return. If thats what you're looking for, best to find out in the beginning rather than invest that much time into a relationship, dating or even just plain old hoping from a distance.
The best thing you can learn that will help you in any relationship or getting one off the ground is excellent communication. Unless you and the other person are mind readers or communicate by mental telepathy, then communication is a MUST. I' can't over stress it. I can easily see points where you could be communicating better. You feel like he's avoiding you. Our thoughts and feelings can so easily lead us off base. But then there's womens intuition and sometimes a woman just knows. But thankfully people aren't thrown in jail over just a hunch that maybe they were at fault. You need solid facts to know where you even stand now as far as being friends. So start a conversation. Do not accuse him of 'making you feel' a certain way. Don't bring up his lack of contact and tell him its a bad sign or means something like he doesnt want you as a friend because frankly, you did the same. He can't read your mind and has no idea why you quit contacting him. So since he can't read your mind, best thing is to be honest. Tell him why. Yes. Tell him. You might think its embarrassin to have to admit that contact with him right now is not helping you get over your crush on him and you want to so you can go back to being just friends but it may be a while. YOu're not going to talk to him or see him and want him to know its nothing he did, you're not angry...just need time. and that You will be in contact again when you feel you are ready and able to handle it. He's appreciate your honesty and the explanation with make sense to him, he'll understand and there will be no bad feelings, in reality or imagined between you.
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I think you may have scared him a little.
I would imagine it is a little tough for him to text you first because he probably isn't sure what he should be doing. He probably doesn't want to hurt your feeling or make you feel bad in any way.
I would say he is backing off a little to make it easier on you. If he were to just continue to text first like nothing had happened, you may not take it seriously that he doesn't have feelings for you like that.
Let some time pass. You can still be friends but it may take a while before you can be as close as you have been in the past. To answer how you can get over him and still have him as a friend...it will just take time. Not a good quick fix but that's the only answer.
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