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How can I tell my friend shes not.. that talented..?
I swear I'm not bragging, or saying I'm better than her at all. I'm not being conceited at all!! I just need some help..
My friend.. Lets call her "B". She enjoys singing, drawing and playing the guitar. The problem is.. She's not very good. She can play guitar good, but she messes up a lot and she thinks she can write songs, but the chords don't mix together well. She can't sing low notes at all and she knows it, the thing is whenever I have the radio on, she likes to add her own high notes and they don't sound good. She doesn't sing very well and I know she's envious of our friend "R" and she does try to be like her.
Drawing.. I don't like being cocky or vain at all.. Honestly I don't understand how people can do that. I do draw better than "B" because I've been practicing longer. I draw realistic things, "B" draws anime type of things. She's not very good. "R" draws better than me.. But I just want to know what to do when she asks what I think.
I don't want to hurt her feelings.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Don't say anything. It's not nice, and it's not necessary.
You aren't her teacher. You aren't a professional critic. She's not asking you to pay $100 to hear or play or buy her art. She's your friend, so be a friend. If you had good advice to offer her, offer her that advice, but stop being so judgemental and assuming your opinion is vital to her. Stop assuming she is dumb, or petty, or jealous. Those are nice things to think about another person. If you think those things are true of her, then maybe you shouldn't be her friend.
But if she is otherwise a nice person and you enjoy her friendship, then you need to put a bit of extra effort into being friendly.
When she asks what you think, give her pointers or advice, not insults. It's not that hard to not be mean. If you stop letting yourself think such mean and judgey things, you'll have more space in your brain for kind, constructive advice.
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Okay, I've seen this situation, for example, in the playing of musical instruments among my kids,as most grade schools expose kids to learning to play something. All my daughters learned to play the flute. Two of them had to work extra hard and practice more to come close to playing like the middle sister who had a 'natural talent'. They were talented enough to be in band or orchestra class but when compared to someone with a 'natural talent', it seemed they had no talent at all, and yet they did. Our society has become too critical of what talent is. Take those TV shows of competition to be the best singer. Yes, granted...some sing off key and truly are bad, I hear a lot of people who I wouldn't mind hearing again...and then's that one or two who really stand out and grab everyone's attention. They sing as well as all the others did, but have that one more thing that gives their singing some bang to it, they have a passion for it. The lyrics sung by such a person will bring emotional responses out of you, but with the other its' only pure listening entertainment. So, really, it's your standards that you want her to live up to in your mind. Not picking on you, I have had to train myself to think differently too. I've seen art I think a kindergartner could do as well at, and others I know are far beyond my limitation of talent. Then I watch to see how many people comment on the paintings in an art show. There is always someone who adores the stuff that was like your description, basic 'anime style' I found it's not fair to compare lets say a water color to one who does computer generated art. And then again, it's also not fair to compare a Kindergartners artistic abilities to a highschooler or them to a college student with an art/music degree.
So if your talent is H.S. and your friend is at 3rd grade level, then give your opinion based on that level only without pointing this fact out. Is her singing, art or playing as good as other 3rd graders, when compared to you or maybe better? Then you can honestly tell her that she is good and leave it at that.
Or admit that you're not a fan of anime art, and so not the best one to ask about the quality but it looks great to you.
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I think the only thing you should do is tell her to be herself and do things for herself instead of like other people. It's not always best to point out flaws like that in someone, and I don't see why it's your place or job to do that, especially since you're not in a situation that you need to. So that's the only thing I think you could say, but anything else should just be kept unsaid. But that's just how I see it.
Hope this helps~
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