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How can I make things better for my children?
Help me decide what to do. I have no assets except a beat up van. I’m renting to own a rundown house that needs over $30K in work- new roof, new plumbing, new flooring (seriously the floors are currently particle board and luan). I have two girls, 14 and 13. I have over $24K in credit card debt from my divorce/ ex-husband. The payment on this debt is $600 a month. Although I only make $2000 a month, I worked very hard for two years to build my credit so that I could buy this beat up house. My plan was to take out a home equity loan to pay off my credit card and fix up my house. Everything was lined up and I was going to close on my house. Then my plant closed and I am out of a job so I’m out of a job and can’t a loan.
My question is should I keep paying my credit card bill even though I’ll never be able to get another house loan for at least two years? Right now we can afford anything. No field trips, no new clothes, no school annuals, no cable or cell phones. We have nothing. My thoughts right now are to stop paying the credit card bills and get a nice apartment. I want my girls to at least have a few nice things while they are in high school. They only have a few years school left. Right now, they can’t even have a sleep over because the house is so run down. At least if I use that extra $600 a month I don’t pay towards credit card bills, they can go to a movie, have cell phone, get a school annual, go on field trips… do the things normal kids do. When they are grown and out of the house, I can try to rebuild my credit and get a house for my grandchildren. But right now I’m so tired of having nothing and being embarrassed because my girls don’t have anything either. They really don’t. Any words of wisdom?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Personal Finance?
I understand that you wanted out of a bad marriage. That does not mean you had to sit still and be raped and pummeled by your husband one last time just to get out of the marriage.
A first visit to a lawyer COSTS YOU NOTHING. This is when the lawyer evaluates your case. If there is a monetary award outside of child support; such as alimony, the lawyer will take his fee from part of this award. If the court does not award alimony you owe the lawyer nothing. This is called taking the case on contingency.
If say you used only his lawyer and his lawyer did not advise you to get your own lawyer. There may be sanctions against the other lawyer that can bring monetary awards to you. IF you waived your right to your own attorney then the other lawyer should have asked you to sign a waiver. If you didn't then it didn't happen.
You really should speak with an attorney and see where your legal standing is. There is no cost to do this and you could end up in a much better place for your children. IF you won't do it for yourself; do it for them.
I don't understand why you are shouldering the debt from your divorce ex husband by yourself. IF this debt was incurred jointly then he should be required to shoulder at least half the debt If you were to file bankruptcy the credit card company would go after him for the share they would have to write of depending on the type of bankruptcy you file.
I suggest you see a lawyer and discuss this. I have heard from many women who were not represented by their own lawyers in a divorce and got shafted. If this is you then see a lawyer most will see you the first time at no charge. IF they can help you and there is a recovery they can make for you they may take the case on contingency. Even if you were represented speak with a new lawyer to see if a modification of settlement can be done especially in the area of child support.
While you're with the lawyer discuss bankruptcy. To just stop paying your credit card bills is really the wrong thing to do. They will hound you from morning to night if you go in this direction. What you can do is pay them something each month, less than what they ask for, maybe 50% or 25% until your lawyer can work something out with them or you need to file bankruptcy protection.
Given the economic times we have been through bankruptcy does not have the stigma it once had. As many people with excellent credit ratings suddenly found the need for protection in this manner. I happen to know a Police Officer who had to do so and within two years she was able to buy a home and in less than six months she was able to finance a new, brand new car.
My suggestion is to talk to a lawyer.
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I've been in your financial situation twice needing to file bankruptcy. It is not a shameful thing but a necessity. I agree with everything Grandfather said. I want to stress this: do not let the concern of your credit hold you back from providing for basics like a Safe roof over your heads. If the place is not safe enough to invite their friends over, then why are you all living there? The safer option would be the apartment. The girls won't feel bad living in an apartment vs a house. And as you said, sometimes some little treats like field trips, annual, trip to movies can boost ones frame of mind and makes it easier to keep going even though things may still be tight.
Check with your school to see if they know of any programs in the area offering free Clothes for Kids. My school district had such a thing and only families referred by school official could get in. There were 2nd hand clothes in good condition and brand new underwear, socks, hats, mittens. Some clothes may not be brand new, but new to the child works. That's almost all I ever did. The school often know of more social help available than is advertised. I once couldn't find my daughters one pair of shoes and she was getting real late for school so I put 3 pairs of socks on each foot and took her to school telling her to let teacher know mom couldn't find her only pair of shoes. When I went to pick her up end of day, she was wearing a pair of donated shoes.
While you are on unemployment, looking for work, get on food stamps if you aren't already. There may be other things you qualify for too especially a single parent with 2 children. Just check with your local Department of Social and Health Services, DSHS or what ever it is called in your area, the school could probably steer you the right direction. You may qualify for gasoline vouchers to put gas in car, etc. Get the free help on everything you can so that with the little you have left, you can carefully put out some money for the special things that you can't get free, like annuals. As for a phone or cell, until you can afford one, I have heard of programs that collect working old cell phones and give one to a person with no way of calling for emergency help, especially if there are children at home. But the only thing you can dial on the cell is 911. It is a little reassurance in case a child was badly injured or someone was trying to break in. And if I were you, I wouldn't be so concerned thinking you Need a house when you have grandchildren. Grandchildren come to see grandma, not grandma's house or apartment, Mine have no problem with an apartment, its the time spent with me that is precious and meaningful, not where I am living.
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Dear Mother,
You and your children are in an impossible situation. With no job, your plan to pay off your debt and repair the house is no longer an option.
As a matter of necessity, you should stop making payments on your debt as well as payments on the house and conserve your money for the physical necessities which include securing a livable apartment and paying an attorney to file bankruptcy for you.
This is neither shameful or the end of the world. Bankruptcy is for those in situation such as you find yourself in now. It will provide a new beginning for you and the children which will probably make life much better all around.
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