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Way to be a victim-blaming bitch
Saw your victim-blaming on some poor girl's post asking for advice on what to do about her father cheating on her mom. She definitely SHOULD say something, and you are a horrible person for chiding HER. She's not at fault here. She had reason to believe something was not right, but it would have been wrong for her to voice that suspicion without proof... so she found proof. And you're chiding her for "invading his privacy". I hope everyone you ever date cheats on you; maybe then you'll get it.
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That is not what victim-blaming means. Victim-blaming is a term that applies when a person is shamed or blamed after having done only things they are perfectly entitled to do, and were the victim of a crime. It's when a persons actions were utterly normal actions they were entitled to take, and people attempt to use them to excuse or justify the violence they experienced.
No one is entitled to invade the privacy of others.
It's not like wearing a short skirt, or being out too late at night - those are not reasons to be abused or assaulted. Invading someone's privacy is wrong all on it's own - and you don't get the be the victim just because you found out someone you don't like while doing something you have no right to do be doing. That's like complaining you're the real victim 'cause you got shot when you broke into someone's house.
It's not victim-blaming to remind a person that they are not entitled to break into someone else's house, or invade someone else's privacy - ever. And that if you do those things, some of the possibly consequences include not liking what you find out.
Adviceman has given you a wonderful answer about the very simple, human fact that children do not know everything about their parents marriage, and are not owed the whole and complete truth. A child is not wronged, they are not the victim, when someone cheats. They are just as loved and cared for by both parents as they would have been if those parents had never fucked anyone else in their lives.
I have to add that wishing someone has everyone they ever date cheat on them - that is straight up hateful. You need to take a hard long look at what motivated you to even type that to a complete stranger online. That kind of hate comes from someplace - maybe your own pain and disappointment - but wherever it comes from you should get it under control. If you have been cheated on, or had a parent cheat, that might have hurt you deeply, but wishing that hurt on others is not a good way to handle it.
It's totally okay to be hurting, but like the person who invaded her father's privacy because she is was hurting - the hurt of one person doesn't justify behaving badly towards others.
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I wish I knew which letter you are talking about for unfortunately we get far too many letters of the type you refer to. I would never encourage anyone to invade their parents privacy in order to find proof of their suspicions though I have been known to say something about how wrong it is to do so as we all value our privacy.
To chastise someone who is already hurting over something like this, no not me, at least I don't think I ever have done so. If I have then you are correct I would have been wrong. Usually in situations like this, again not knowing which letter you are referring to, my advice is to say nothing.
My general answer is that; whichever parent is being cheated on generally knows of the others cheating. That this is something that is between the parents and does not involve the children, regardless of the children's ages. There are reasons the other parent may have chosen not to do anything about the other parents cheating.
In many instances regardless of the cheating the spouse is still a good provider/homemaker and parent. To acknowledge the cheating could disrupt the family make-up at that time it is important that the family stay together as a unit. Other times there are a number of other reasons the other spouse remains silent and does so just as long as the cheating remains hidden.
If this young lady acknowledges to her mother that she is aware of her fathers cheating. Now the mother, if she was aware or had any inkling, has to do something about it. In almost every instance where cheating is involved the outcomes are not good and where young children are involved they become the casualties of the war between the parents.
For this reason, and I explain my reason(s), my general advice is to do nothing. That is unless there is physical harm being done to either their mom or them.
Most of us that give advice on here do as I do all though I will admit there are some that may not be as sensitive as they should be. If you know the advisor who gave this information rather than lump us all in to one pot you could send that advisor a private message letting them know of your feelings. They may be able to give you a reason for why they responded as they did once they review the original letter.
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