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I'm engaged but I want to see somebody else because I fear I am settling?
Please help me. I'm currently engaged to a man I've been with for 2 years but I really feel like I'm settling. I'm 20 and we've been engaged since I was 19, I met him at right after I turned 18 so I barely dated.
I feel like I want so much more out of my life and that if we ever get married I'll be settling for less than I dreamed of. Even our engagement although sweet was just "okay" in a discount hotel I paid for followed by a normal day at the beach. He fell asleep during dinner at a Carrabba's, I didn't even get to eat my food. Nobody acted surprised, it wasn't like I imagined where our parents cried out of happiness or where my friends were excited. I loved my ring at first but now I've found out bill collectors are coming after him for the money on it and it makes me sick now because it wasn't even a grand.
We live in a somewhat nice apartment. We struggle with money though even with a roommate. I want to move for better opportunity and he doesn't. Last time we went out of town he told me he didn't have enough money to pay for our dinner and so I had to make an excuse to cancel the order.
This isn't what I want with my life but we've been through a lot together and I do love him but everything is getting so old and I can predict everything he does before he does it. He's sweet to me and he's a good man but everything just feels "okay" there's no romance or whirlwind of emotion. I never feel wowed or amazed. Just okay.
I met a guy a few months ago just for a business dinner and we got along so well. He didn't know I was engaged because it was just business between companies and he didn't know me before. He told me later on how much he liked me though and that he really wanted to see me again. He's recently messaged me again wanting to see me and hoping to get back in contact with me and I think I want to see him too. I know he makes really good money, has a luxury car and a beautiful home. I feel like it would be stupid of me to say no and pass up the chance to a better life seeing as my current situation isn't the best.
Where do I go from here? Should I just go to dinner with him again and see how we both feel before deciding to really break things off with my current S.O.? What do I do? I don't want to throw everything here away if it was just some kind of wonder of something better.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Run. You are in for a lifetime of disappointments. You are also way too young to get married. You don't want to settle with someone who can't even figure out finances for engagement ring. Also, not having any aspirations at this age? That's frightening right there. If you stay, you will be full of regrets and resentment.
Why don't you take a 6 months break and see where you guys are at? If it was meant to be, and you truly want to and belong together, it will be like nothing has transpired.
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You don't want this, so end it. You just sound like you're settling.
Don't go to dinner with him while you're still engaged.
I think you need to take care of yourself first before trying to find someone.
I don't know if you've gone to college, but if you haven't, you should. If you struggle with money in that area, there are grants and scholarships to apply for.
Because to me, it sounds like you're just looking for material things. It isn't bad, but it seems like you're looking for a man who can supply you with all those luxury things, when you shouldn't be depending on a man to do that and instead, get it for yourself.
It's not really love when you're saying "I feel like it would be stupid to say no and pass up the chance to a better life seeing as my current situation isn't the best."
So end the engagement, and go take care of yourself.
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You are not into this engagement. You want material things this man is never going to be able to provide. at least that is the impression I am getting from what you write.
Is it wrong to want material possessions? No, but to base your love for someone or even your interest in someone based on what he has in material possession or can provide you is. Some would say this makes you a high maintenance women.
At 20 I would say you have not been to college. If he has not been to college you have two strikes against you before you even start a life together. Even though the economy is getting better college graduates are taking jobs once reserved for High School Graduates. This leaves few good paying jobs for the high school grad.
My advice is to end the engagement. Go to school and get a degree and gain the maturity college will provide. You also need this time to not just to grow and mature but to use this growth to make a life plan so you can find a man to love who will also fit into your life plan. To marry for materialistic reasons is never a good reason and makes for a rough road in marriage which generally ends in divorce.
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If your heart is giving you doubts and it feels mediocre, and like you're settling for less, then you probably are, listen to your heart and your instincts and break it off. You may not understand yet why you feel that why because you may not have ever made a list of what you are looking for in a guy and what you do not want and without much dating experience of other guys, your list will be quite short. But a list is better than nothing. I am serious about this. I didn't find my 2nd husband until I made my list and had a clear picture of what I was looking for. The list must have the needs and also the wants, although the needs are the most critical, such as "do you need him to have the same spiritual beliefs as you? Do you both want kids someday. Needing a patient, easy going man who doesnt raise his voice perhaps cus your dad was the opposite and you know you don't like that. Needing a man who has great sexual desire for you and both of you are compatible in what you like.
A want would be wanting a guy with long hair but if he has a shaved head instead, it's not a deal breaker like your Needs list. Wanting someone who can afford to reasonably take care of you and any future children is important, even if both of you need to work to have a comfortable life but don't give up on all your other ideals just for financial security. So take some time, make your list and pray for guidance, then decide if your settling for less. If you are, break the engagement. Doing it backwards and meeting with other guys while with him to see if you can find someone promising or better is the wrong way to go about it. You must first settle in your heart whether fiancee is in love with you and meets your wants. Good luck dear.
But do not break it off
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