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Definitely in a pickle.
I am 19 years old, and female. From being 17 I met a man who was 28 and about to be married. As we got to know each other he told me he had feelings for me and that he thought he would cheat on his wife with me after the wedding when I was 18. I laughed it off as him being stupid and for other reasons we ended up not having contact for a month. When we met again, he was already married and I had turned 18, things started to go back to how they were and that is how the affair started. After a few months I told him I didn't want to have feelings for someone that was married and couldn't be with me properly and tried to end it but The feelings were already there and he begged me to stay.
12 months down the line and a lot of heartache later, I have moved out of my family home to study and live in a city where he owns property. I see him very regularly but he is still married. He had promised in the past to get a divorce but never did and always made ridiculous excuses to me. He said until I show HIM some loyalty, he won't leave his wife for me, and that because he caught me speaking with other guys (innocently) that I'm untrustworthy and he can't leave his (loyal) wife for me. He has some seriously severe insecurity issues. He puts a tracking app on my iphone and turns up at my apartment out of the blue to check up on me but he doesn't treat me like a girlfriend more like a pet to keep at home. After a year of this emotionally exhausting debacle I genuinely can't go on anymore as it's making me ill. I am failing at my studies and I started using drugs to forget about the painful feelings. I did at one point fall in love with him but he has destroyed my confidence, emotional self esteem and nerve. He has hit me on two occasions out of jealousy and he regularly emotionally bullies me, leaving me and coming back as if it's a game. I don't know how to end things without causing a big argument/fuss and losing everyone. we have a lot of mutual friends in the city i study in, i feel quite isolated when hes not in my life as he cuts off some of my other relationships as well, but i have long since given up on any hope of being with him and am starting to come to my senses about whether I even want to anymore.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Abusive Relationships?
He's an abuser. A user and a cheat. A liar. A scumbag. He's been stringing you along, behind his wife's back, for years. Frankly, I'd be SHOCKED if you were the only 'other woman' in his life. He sounds like a collector.
He accuses you of being disloyal - when he is the one that you both know is betraying his wife. This is a text-book case of abuse.
If you are in school, your school probably has therapy or counselling available to you. I'd STRONGLY encourage you to use it. You need to to end this completely before he seriously harms you. People who would take his side, or whose friendships you'd loose after breaking up with him, are not real friends anyways. They are people who turned their back while he betrayed his wife, and abused you. They are awful people, and you'd be safer and saner without enablers like that in your life.
It is scary to break free of an abuser, but a guy who stalks you, threatens you, and sometimes beats you, is scarier. Keep yourself safe and get some support.
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Hi sweetheart! I give you all my love and sympathy during this time.You are in a very difficult position and it feels like your stuck,but let's see what we can do
This man is dangerous. He has used you,abused,and he has gone too far!! It should have been reported that he hit you!! In fact,that would have ended his affair with you and also,his wife would have found out.
This man wants to fool around,he wants to have his cake and eat it too,controlling and manipulative.
What a scumbag!! Sweetie,you don't need that!
Honey,he will never his wife. He will not. Men like to have affairs and flings on the side when they are married,because they feel they WILL NEVER GET CAUGHT. Can it be much of a bigger lie?
Also,it may be very possible that his wife knows about you already,women have intuition. Know what I mean?
This man treating you more like an object rather than a human being. SHAME ON HIM!!
He ruined and cut off relationships as well? Oh tsk tsk.
He put a tracking app did he? Wow,thats really low. Let's do a check list of what you can do here:
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1.Go to the nearest cell phone store and remove tracking app
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2.Buy a disposable pre paid phone,and leave iphone at home
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3.Clear your bank account and shut it down.
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4.If possible,use prepaid gift cards if you need credit cards of any type.
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5.Just pack your car and drive.
Honey,you have been in the emotional ring,and he has given no thought to your heart and feelings emotions,he is the loser,and he will get caught soon enough,and yes,he should pay for what he has done to you.No matter what happens sweetheart,none of this will be easy
You have suffered long enough,and enough is enough
Look at yourself in the mirror,and have a heart to heart with yourself. Yes,talking to yourself isnt weird at all,in fact its healthy and clears the mind. Ask yourself,do I deserve better? Darling,you really do.
You are a human being,with a heart,soul,blood and feelings,your heart has been taken by a man who sees it as a toy to play with. He has some balls calling himself a man.
You my dear,are a great lady,who deserves a really wonderful man,who love and treat you right,to care for you,and look after you,and be with you,and just love you for who you are because you are someone beautiful and special.
Sweetie,get out of it now. Go to a Safe Haven place,if you dont neccesarily want to just pack up and leave.Which I believe is the best thing for you.
Got to a place and go somewhere you havent been before. Like San Fransico,or somewhere nice,to clear your mind,and to help you heal.Your heart needs healing and mending. Ive been where you are,I know first hand,how hard it to leave,its very hard.But once you do leave,you will feel a sense of peace even though you are hurting. You will heal.You will get over it in due time.Right now,you,you yourself as an individual must be brave and be your own hero honey.
The man of your life will come by,he will love you so much,as you deserve. What you expirienced was not love,rather just a psycho,who should be locked away so he can never do this to anyone else.
If you leave,tell no one.No friends,and certainly,not Sir Douchebag!
Leave your iphone there if possible,erasing all contacts,or just destroy the phone,and get a prepaid cell phone.
Please think about this,and set up a plan,and follow through and stick with it. You will be okay sweetheart,I do so promise.
Take time to pray too!
Yes.God (YAH) does hear us,and He loves you so much,ask Him to help you also,get through this,and heal,heal your wounds and your heart.
Be blessed dear one,werever you are,and I pray the very best for you!
Please feel free to write me directly should you need anymore advice!
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