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Fucked up life. Does it get better?


Question Posted Saturday August 2 2014, 10:32 pm

I'm a 16 year old girl. So here I have a typical teenage story: I moved away from my home 7 months ago. Away from all of my friends, boyfriend, etc. I got depressed, started cutting (but I got help for the cutting, but I'm still pretty depressed). Everyone said to give it time, and I have, but I'm done. I have no friends here. I had a few, but they got tired of me. But when I had one left she lied to me and almost got me in trouble with three sets of parents and the cops (long story). I've always had trouble making friends but now it's ridiculous and I just want to go back to my old home but we can't due to my parents jobs. All I want right now is to for someone to hold me and say that it'll be okay. I can't visit them, we don't have the money and my old boyfriend who I stayed in a long distance relationship with after moving moved to Florida right after I left. He got a boyfriend (he's bisexual) and I kinda understand because long distance is hard. I'm bisexual as well and can't tell my parents but I'm not too concerned about that I guess. All I want is for someone to hold me and say that it'll be okay. But my parents are busy with work and the new house and siblings and I feel so alone. So tell me, does it get better as you get older, do friends not matter when you go off to college? What happens years from now when I'm an adult?

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sallysmiles answered Monday August 4 2014, 4:19 pm:
Things do get better. I understand that at moments seem like there is no way out. But it does. Sometime you have to make a change. You got to give yourself strength. Friends come and go., in reality everyone comes and go. Only you are the only one that will be there for always.(Im not saying that you wont make friends. But you are your only constant) Don't be scared talk to people. Join groups/clubs. College is a great thing because you have more places to explore. And there are many clubs to join. You meet people that have the same major as you and sometime your make friends. When I went to college I was alone. No friends there. But its about 6 years later and some of the people I met are still my friends and close to me.
For the depression, what seems to help me is doing something that I love. For example, drawing, poetry, music, reading book, etc. These things will give your mind a break. It helps.And love yourself. Always love yourself. Hang in there, and stay strong.

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camogilr19 answered Sunday August 3 2014, 11:45 am:
Your story seems exactly like mine if your anything like me then you also tend to do things for others just to keep them happy I assum and that there is your problem I was exactly like you at 16 even down to the cutting now im 19 and in college I must say yes friends do matter but its letting that wall fall and allowing others into your life that will make them count things have became so much easyer to me im happy with the life I have now because as much as I loved the people around me I had to live for myself I belive that's what is needed in your life you will make it and things will get better sweetie you have my word

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adviceman49 answered Sunday August 3 2014, 4:53 am:
I wish I could reach through my computer screen and hold you and tell you things will get better and they will. The hardest part of moving is always going to be on the children. The older children suffer the most; as when you are in your teenage years in high school making friends is much harder. The kids in high school have for the most part been friends and classmates since grade school. The upside to this is high school friend rarely are friends for life.

Once graduation comes around you all have to make new friends when you go off to college. Initially your college friends will be from the freshman class as you all are in the same position. The other students have made their friends and may or may not be looking for or willing to make new friends. It is not right but this is the maturity level of the average teenager. This does not mean you have to be friendless for the next few years; you just have to go about making friends in a different manner.

What I'm about to suggest I have recommended many, many times and I've been told by many it works. It will work for you if you put an honest effort into it.

You look to find people, kids, with which you have a common interest other than school. Having a common interest is a conversation starter. When people communicate with each other they get to know one another and friendships grow from their. How do you do this? Follow what I have written below.

You sit down with pen and paper and write down all the activities that you like to do. Maybe you like to knit, cook, go hiking, garden or anything else that you enjoy doing. Then you could also include volunteer activities you may want to do and your churches youth group activities.

Once you have this list number them in order of interest from high to low. Take the top 4 or 5 and look to see what activities there are in or out of school that you can join.

Once you find a club or activity that you enjoy doing this gives you a common interest with others. This gives you something other than school work to talk to others about. Once you are talking they get to know you and you them. Before you know it you have made a friend.

We parents delude ourselves thinking children are more resilient than they are, especially older children. We tell ourselves we are moving for the good of the family and we will deal with whatever problems come up.

You say your parents can't afford to send you back to where you grew up for a visit and this may be true. What is not true is your parents not finding the money to make you well if you are suffering. Don't suffer in silence if you think you parents don't have the money to get you the help you need to feel better. As a parent I can tell you we have ways of finding money when our children's well being are at stake.

Part of my advice is to ask you to talk with your parents about how you are feeling. Let them help you feel better and get better. For if you feel better you will make friends easier.

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