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humorist-workshop
How can I be safe about looking for a "Sugar Daddy"?
I'm almost 20 and when I was 18 I tried an online sugar baby/daddy site that I paid $26/month for about 3 months.I wound up getting a lot of messages but I didn't get very far into anything because at the time I still lived with my Mom and was too shy to follow through or even drive around the city let alone to another city to meet some stranger.
I'm in a failing relationship now and I think I'm just done with it for a while.
I'd like to try my hand at becoming a sugar baby.
The thing is I'm not this silly whorish teen, I'm very intellectual so I'm not the bubbly idiot type it seems like men look for. I've also only ever had sex with one guy who knows nothing beyond the basics and I'm not really comfortable with having sex with a stranger on the first night and that seems to be prevalent in the stories I'm reading from sugar babies.
I'm also worried because I could never tell any of my religious family what I was doing and all of my friends live out of town now. I don't want to go out with some guy and vanish forever and have nobody notice until I'm already dead...
Other than my obvious fears I think it sounds like something I would like to try out because I'd really like the cultural experiences that come with traveling and going out to events that I otherwise would never be invited too. I'm not going to lie I'd also really love to own something that was real gold and a few pairs of designer shoes.
I work really hard right now (full time) and cover all of my own bills and have an apartment, car, ect so I have a great work ethic but I'm still not making the amount of money I'd like to have and I'll honestly never be able to afford real education as I don't qualify for much financial aid being a middle class white woman and all my money goes to my bills. I also don't fancy an 80k education loan that will shadow me my whole life.
I've been working since I was 16 and I'd really like a break and I'd like to chance to live it up while I'm young. I don't want to wait until I'm 80 to have a little fun I want it now and I'm tired of working endlessly for little pay off and the stories I'm reading those girls get 8k a month which something I couldn't even fathom just for going out for a few nights with some guy and being pretty arm candy. I could do that. I know it sounds superficial but come on it's easy work right? I would never tell anybody either so nobody would know me as a whore or any such thing.
I'd really like to at least give it another go but what are some things I really need to think about before trying it?
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You seem to have this fantasy that you can date rich guys and get paid for it with no other strings attached. This is not going to be the case if you do follow through with this.
What you are talking about doing is sex work. These men are going to expect sex. Nobody is paying you to be their "arm candy". Rich men can get girls hanging all over them for their money without putting out any day. They are registering online because they want sex.
What you are thinking of doing is prostitution because like it or not, these men will expect sex quickly. I'm not saying there is a problem with this morally. If you want to have sex for money, go right ahead. But, what I am saying is that all the risks that accompany regular prostitution apply here as well.
It is not easy work. Oftentimes in the sex industry a person begins of their own free will but is later forced into activities that they would rather not participate in. It may be your choice now, but when you are alone in the room with your client, things get risky. Your fears of "going out with some guy and vanishing forever" are not exaggerated. In a best case scenario, you will be paid lots of money to sleep with men who lack basic social skills. In a worst case scenario, you will be forced to sleep with many people who are violent, rude and disrespectful.
Oh yeah and that great pay that you are hearing about? That will last for awhile. Until men start beating you up on the job. Then you will be forced to hire a pimp to protect you. And they will not be fair to you when it comes to pay. You will get little more than what you would make working any other job while your pimp gets approximately $300 000 per year. (I am not making these numbers up. I watched a presentation on human trafficking this year).
The point I am trying to make is, yes it sounds glamorous. But in reality, the sex industry is run by men. Women are not treated right even though they do most of the work. It is physically dangerous and often doesn't pay as well as people think.
Why don't you try meeting a rich man and charming him honestly? Forget all of this sugar daddy stuff and just find yourself a rich boyfriend who you can trust to not abuse you. And in the meantime, what is stopping you from earning your own money? Or if you want to feel glamorous and do something fun why you are young, why not try acting? Reality TV might be a good option for you.
Toodles,
Miss Piggy
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Wealthy men are often educated and would prefer intellectual companions, so don't change yourself. And don't ever pay for a sugar daddy site--they're the ones with money, so if anyone should be paying, it's them! If all you want is a wealthy older boyfriend, go where wealthy older men hang out: boat shows, political fundraisers, strip clubs, high-end restaurants, whatever the most expensive places are in your area. You could also get a job at one of those places so you have a lot of opportunities to interact, and you'll be making money in the meantime, because the hard part about being a sugar baby is tactfully handing over your bills. That takes a long time to do properly (unless you're engaging in a simple sex transaction), and after lots of time invested in a potential sugar daddy, he could be offended and not want that kind of relationship--kind of like how you don't want a sexual relationship.
Look at it from the guy's perspective. You don't have to have sex right away with a wealthy boyfriend (or any boyfriend, most guys respect a woman who clearly sets boundaries, older guys more so), but let's be realistic, very few guys are looking for arm candy, there's a whole other appendage they're thinking about when interested in a woman. The women who are making $8k a month for a few dates (very rare, most are probably exaggerating or giving you their best month) are having sex with their sugar daddies. If you just look to date an older wealthy man whom you actually like to be around and are attracted to, that might be more your speed with your sexual inexperience and comfort. You don't necessarily have to be exclusive, but if you want to be treated with respect as a human with feelings and not a sex toy, don't treat the other feeling human as a walking was of cash.
Though FYI: You could get half a guy's net worth and not have sex with him if you became his ex wife instead! (LOL)
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You need to accept that it's fundamentally not safe form of employment, and that it is sex work.
Sugar Daddies aren't boyfriends. They are men who are compensating you for sex. This is simply a form of prostitution.
Don't get me wrong - I have no problem with sex work. I think it ought to be legal, and it ought to be safe, but right now it isn't either of those things. Getting into these situation means putting yourself in a vulnerable position with men who may feel entitled to your body, where nearly no one else in your life knows what is happening to you or where you are and where you may not have full legal recourse or the support from the police that you need.
You can pretend being a 'sugar baby' is not sex work, and call it other things, but it functionally the same as being a prostitute, so it carries all those same risks that prostitutes face.
Sex work is not a safe thing to do in most places. Some people do get lucky, and only meet kind, considerate men who want no strings attached fooling around, but there are enough men out there who turn to sex workers because they are looking for easy victims who have no recourse against them that you have a real risk of bumping into at least one.
I can only advise you against doing this.
End your relationship if you don't want to be in it.
If you want to change your life, do that under your own steam. Go volunteer at home or aboard. Take a hobby class or join a club. Look for a new job. There are lots of ways you can take control of your life - but being a sugar baby isn't just about personal control. It also comes with a shit ton of personal risk.
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