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Distance during the summer.
I've been seeing this guy. I met him at school but now we are at home for the summer time, him living in Jersey and me living in Pennsylvania. We text non-stop. We started texting and talking a lot on move out day and we really haven't stopped since and it's almost a month and a half out of school.
We fight quite a bit but it never really bothers me because we always fight until everything is all out in the open, we fix it and then we're okay.
I went away this past week to my family cabin in the mountains, leaving me with no cell phone service, so I couldn't talk to him while I was away for five days. I came home yesterday and we started talking again but he was being weird so I asked him what was up and he said while I was away, it gave him time to think and he decided that he doesn't want a girlfriend anymore because the distance is too much. So, I got upset because all we have been talking about is becoming official and he even talked me out of being negative about the situation when I wasn't for it. I'm all for it now, I go away for five days and I come back and it's like the tables have completely turned, I want to be with him but now he's being the negative one and he doesn't want to be together.
So, naturally, we argued. I told him I think this may be the end then, that he lead me on all this time to just let me down in the end and he told me he loves me, he knows he has feelings and that this isn't over between us, the last thing he wants is for us to stop talking but the situation is just tough. He told me he talks to his friends about me all the time and that he doesn't throw the L word around lightly but he told me he loves me.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm just confused. Why would he be so willing to fight for us and want to be with me but I go away and we don't talk for a few days and he decides this isn't for him anymore? Then he tells me he loves me but he doesn't want to be with me. If he loves me, then shouldn't he want to fight for us and want to make this work? What do I do?
We are both 19. I'm female.. he, obviously, being the male.
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Hi there, sorry to hear you found yourself in this situation we've all been there at some stage unfortunately. What it sounds like to me from an outside point of view, is that he obviously likes you and you like him and when ye were together in person everything was great and that carried on after ye left school and that had become almost routine talking the whole time and the vibe and feeling from when ye were physically together was still present. Then you went away for a few days, which allows the space in and time to think, and especially with guys, any sign of anything getting very serious they usually freak out- not always for long and it's only natural too so we can't blame them for that. He probably realised when he had so much time free again from texting etc that he wanted more time like that to himself and he probably associated having to talk and having no free time with having a girlfriend- a mistake a lot of people make. So while I'm sure he still cares about you, he knows at this stage that you want to be with him because you told him. So he has it in a good situation at the moment because he can say to you yeah I don't want anything serious but I do love you which keeps you holding on in the background while he makes up his mind. Not a good place to be in for you. You need to have one final conversation on the topic and say how you weren't up for the situation and he talked you into it and now you are ready for it and he has changed his mind but he's still telling you that he loves you etc and that he needs to make up his mind because you can't just wait around for him to decide. It's tough, but if you really want a genuine answer and to know the truth it's the only way to do it really because otherwise ye could find yourselves in a situation where neither of ye know where ye stand and your head will be wrecked by the end of it. If he persists in telling you that he doesn't want a relationship and he tells you he is sure about that, sadly you will have to accept that and try move on. I hope this has helped, it's difficult to explain this to someone who is wrapped up in the situation. I wish you the best.
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