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Getting serious with a foreigner
I am 21 years old (female). Me and my 23 year old boyfriend have been dating for 3
years now. We are very close, and spend a lot of time together. Since 2 months in, we both knew that this is it, we are meant to be together and one day we'll get married :)
We are both still students.
My boyfriend is a foreign national, and is here in my country on a study permit.
He's planned to immigrate here for many years, but applications for citizenship require work or permanent residence permits, that he can only acquire through getting a job. He has been looking out at carreer fairs for when he graduates and he is usually unsuccessfull in finding a company that employs foreign national graduates. The few opportunities that have presented themselves seemed promising untill recently. Our immigration laws are changing, and it will be even more difficult for him to get citizenship now.
Even though he doesn't want to get citizenship through the marriage route (because he feels its better he gets it first, then we'll marry anyways for the right reasons and only the right reasons), I've told him a few times that I feel that if its our last resort before his permit runs out and he is made to go live in his country again; I think we should get married because we're going to anyway. Otherwise, we may lose each other if he gets kicked out of the country.
So now we are both final year, and new laws are coming in that limits his stay more and more. He is trying to get in to postgraduate studies, but I don't know if he'll get in.
He hasn't proposed, and hasn't mentioned that he'll take his last resort.I know he doesn't feel its the right way to do it (and perhaps he also feels we're not ready). But I know that he does want to marry me.
So I'm feeling the pressure mounting. I know I said I'll just marry him, and I want to... but I am so young, and big decisions are scary and even with a marriage certificate it takes 2 years till he's allowed in the country. SO in the mean time I'll have to move with him to some other country or his own (Zimbabwe - where there is no work).
I dont think I'm ready to get married, to move countries, to uproot my career here (I have my first job now). Its all been so far in the future, something we'll do when we feel we are ready.. But we cant wait too long and lose each other...
Im scared he proposes and I say I have to think about it (cause me doubting it will hurt him). Because its so much more complicated than just saying yes cause I love you. Isnt it?
I want things to just stay the way they are for now.
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You are absolutely right, I think it is much more complicated than just saying yes because you love each other. If you don't feel your're ready don't force it. Everything happens for a reason. Maybe you will find another solution. Best of luck.
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If I were you I wouldn't worry about what to say if he proposes because chances are he won't propose anyway. He does not seem interested in getting married right now.
One thing is for certain: things will not stay the same in your relationship after this. This is a make it or break it time in your relationship. Either he will propose and you two will get married and work to stay together or he won't and you will break up or he will go back to his country and you two will do long distance for awhile. This long distance option might be the best option since you two are a little iffy about getting married, but you love each other enough to not want to break up.
Just make sure to keep communicating openly and honestly about the situation.
And take some time for yourself to de-stress. A nice dessert and a bubble bath can do wonders!
Miss Piggy
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The best thing to do before you do anything is to check with U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE). ICE takes a dim view of people getting married for the purpose of a foreign national obtaining a residency permit.
While it is possible and he may not have to return to his country. There will be a lot of hoops you will both have to jump through to convince ICE your marriage is not one of convenience for the purpose of a residency permit.
My advice is to contact ice. You can start by going to there web site at ICE.gov. Tell them your story and let them advise you as the best course of action to follow so that he can stay in this country. If you are going to marry find out what they want from you to support his application for a residency permit while he applies for citizenship.
ICE is not an enemy, you just need to prove to them you are both sincere in what you are doing. If so they will do what they can within the law to assist you. You contact ICE before you get married not after the fact.
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It may be time to sit down with him and have a serious conversation about where exactly things are heading with you two. I'm sure you both have talked about things before but you might need to sort of need to lay your feelings out for him tell him how its stressing you out and that you need answers. You cant wait around forever and if he is not ready to get married then you need to decide if that's k or is that something you really want right now and if thats the case then you move on. Its really about communication right now. Talk things through and see if you both feel the same way or not and then from there decide what needs to be done.
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