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My Sister is an Alcoholic
I apologize if this ends up being a bit long, but please read and help me if you can. My sister who is 28, is an alcoholic. If you said that to her, she'd deny it and up until two or three years ago, I wouldn't have taken it seriously either.
She very much enjoys getting drunk. Not buzzed, not lightly drunk, but downright falling down, yelling profanities in public, calling people at 4:00 in the morning drunk. She feels that drinking is the only way to have fun, but she has no control and doesn't see the importance of doing things in moderation.
I HATE being around her when she's drunk. So does our mom and she makes both of our parents worry about her alcoholism. I get sick of her doing that to them and I wish she could see what her drinking causes/can cause.
I don't drink at all. I feel that alcohol is poison and although I don't think having a beer or two is a problem, I just rather not have any part of it. I may sound like a dork, but if you've been through what I have, you might feel the same way. Also, I don't see how drinking is so much fun. You act like an idiot, you embarrass yourself and the people you're with, you can offend and even hurt people, you do damage to your body, and you feel like death the next day.
My sister had a bachelorette party this past weekend and it was a total disaster in my opinion. She got drunk Friday night, Saturday afternoon, and more so Saturday night. I'm sorry, but I'm ashamed of the way she acted. Between acting like a total moron and mistreating those who went through trouble to make her party great, including myself, she was awful. If I could go back to Thursday night, I wouldn't have gone. I REALLY didn't want to go in the first place, but I knew she was counting on me. Strangely, SHE ended up being the one to let ME down.
Friday night, we were at a restaurant and she came over and sat in my lap like a child. When she stood up, she almost fell back in my lap which would have caused an injury do to the way I was sitting. Then, although she was joking, she started yelling at one of her friends, "Ali, f<€# you! F<€# you, Ali!" Which caused people to stare at us.
She and I got into three fights over the weekend, one Friday night and two Saturday night. One of the fights Saturday night was at another restaurant and I'm embarrassed of the scene we made, but I needed to stand up for myself because the accusations she was making were absurd. Her friends offered to walk me back to the hotel to get the two of us away from each other. Later, she apologized, but we got into another fight shortly afterwards because I refused to open the bathroom door for her while I was getting dressed.
I stayed up Thursday night until 2:00 am getting ready, got up again at 4:00-ish to make my ridiculously early flight, endured an eight hour layover, brought expensive cups and coozies for everyone all to get there and for what? So I could be treated like dirt, exposed to her and her moron friends getting drunk, passing out naked in MY bed, showing and talking about their vaginas, asking me questions that crossed boundaries, and borderline having sex with each other (I know that doesn't make sense, but it'd take a while to explain). I went home Sunday evening with both physical and emotional scars (she punched me in the arm when she was drunk).
Never in my life have I wanted to get home from a trip so badly. I missed everything about my home including my mom, my dad, my granddad, my dog, my house, my room, and my privacy. One thing I don't miss is my sister. I will never go on a vacation with her, at least not without our parents, ever again.
This is just one example of times that my sister's gotten drunk and acted like an idiot or a b¿¥€#. This happens almost anytime I'm around her. When it happens, She's unbearable and is a very mean drunk. She's very sorry for the way she acted this weekend, but although I'll forgive her, she's changed things between us. They say that people get very honest when they're drunk, it's when they're sober that they lie and my drunk sister said some terrible things about my this weekend. I've lost respect for her and so have others, including our mom.
She begged me not to tell our parents, but I did. I told our mom virtually everything and I told our dad the basics. I didn't do it just to be vindictive, but because I think something needs to be done. There's a history of alcohol abuse in our family and we JUST had an uncle die in October due to complications from alcoholism. It was the second child my grandmother has lost and my dad is now an only child. This can't go on.
I guess this is partly a vent session and partly me asking for advice. What would you do in my position? How do I protect others, for example my future children from it? How do I KNOW I'll never turn to alcohol to comfort me or help me have a good time? Any advice will be appreciated greatly. Also, keep my sister and our family in your prayers if you will.
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So sorry to hear this dear. If it were anyone other than a family member it would be easy to totally Of course , shut someone like that out of ones life. If she is not 18 yet, your parents have a say but if an adult, no one can force her to go for alcoholic counseling. As you have experienced, her behavior does affect you. My husband went along with a friend to Alcoholics anonymous years ago as moral support. So he's familiar with the program. The support program for family members of alcoholic's 'Al-anon' would be a good thing for you and parents and any other close family members. We wouldn't know what changes they've made in the last 20 years so you'd have to check it out. He knew them to help you to know how to best deal with and respond in ways to someones alcoholism so that no one is enabling him/her to remain stuck by their actions, and learning how to set limits and rules for him/her to follow or break.
In public, is awkward, but you can warn sis ahead that the moment you deem her to have become enebriated, you will leave, and do so. THis can be done if visiting at her home. You have lots more control if inviting her to your and parents home. You can tell her that no alcohol will be served or consumed while she is there. She is not allowed to bring alcohol with her into your home.
If she shows up at the door with it, she must put it back in her car or she is not welcome. She is not allowed to come visit while already drunk, even if not drinking at the time or in your house. She most likely will not want to abide by these limitations but you are within your right to say so and it's not punishing her, it's protecting yourself and your family, same for your future children.
What you may want to end up doing is limiting get togethers'. Major holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas you might include her for example. Your own birthday if you do not wish her there, spend your birthday as you wish. A back yard BBQ is not necessary to invite her. If she realizes that as long as she is there, no alcohol will be served or allowed, and she can't handle that, she isn't likely to attend. I am sure you can get better guidance from Al-non and others who have had to already deal with the same thing of being let down as you have and many other things. It's hard to say enough is enough to a drunk family member such as the incidence with her and drunk friends taking over your room but you had a right to demand they leave and call police to take them out, including sis. If she gets so drunk she has no recollection of her actions and feels you all are being unfair, ask Alnon what they suggest you do. I would think today with most people having video capability with cells, that it would be easy to take video clips of her drunkeness to show her later why you ordered her to leave. This may help explain to her why you have set limits for her as far as family doing social events together. Hope this helps a little. And yes, I will say a prayer for her and your family.
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I'm sorry for what you had to endure. Yes, your sister is an alcoholic thought the truth is there is nothing you or your parents can do to change her. For an alcoholic the old saying of "You can lead a horse to water but can't make it drink," is very appropriate.
My brother in-law is a 25 year recovering alcoholic; A member of aa and very active in several different programs for the prevention and treatment of alcoholism. He tells me that an alcoholic has to hit bottom before they will ask for help. Everyone has a different bottom. For him it was waking up one morning in the drunk tank.
He immediately dried himself up and gave up drinking on his own without any of the clinics that help alcoholics. He also joined aa. The strange part of his whole adventure into sobriety is he and the cop that arrested him have been friends ever since.
You can try to get your sister to understand she is a drunk and alcohol dependent. Expect her to tell you off in no uncertain terms but keep trying one day maybe she will understand.
One thing you and your parents can do for yourselves and maybe help your sister too is to join Al Anon. Al Anon is a support group from friends and family of people who substance abusers such as alcoholics. By going to meetings and meeting other friends and family member in the same position as you are you can find ways of dealing with her problem for yourselves by seeing and hearing how others are handling these situations. Below is the URL that will take you to Al Anons' meeting locator page. Below it is the toll free phone number for meeting information.
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
1-888-4AL-ANON (1-888-425-2666) for meeting information.
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There is nothing you can do because the only person who can change your sister's behaviour is your sister. The only thing that you can do is cut your sister out of your life before you have children so that they do not have to be around an alcoholic.
Moi don't think you will ever turn to alcohol for comfort or to have a good time because you have seen firsthand that alcohol does not really comfort anyone or make things more fun - in reality it creates chaos.
Moi will pray for your sister. Moi also suggests that you take a long bath and treat yourself to a nice dinner and dessert after everything you have been through.
Au revoir,
Miss Piggy
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