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what was the point in my ex calling me after a week?
I wrote a question about a week ago about me begging for my ex to stay well he didn't and i tried to move on but he called me on monday apologizing after a week of being broken up and trying to make things work. I thought he seemed so sincere and we talked and I thought things were going to change. Well the next day he didn't call during his lunch break so I asked why and he just said I figured you were busy. Even though when I am busy he always calls anyways and blows up my phone until I answer. So of course I was a little upset and just told him it's no big deal forget it. He then text me saying "sorry I bothered". which pretty much meant sorry he bothered to even try to talk to me again... I'm so confused why would he apologize and spend hours talking about things we needed to work on just to break it off again the next day? He promised he wouldn't hurt me again.. I guess he lied about that too.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Same question to where he moved on really fast and had a new girlfriend or something? He didn't want to take you back after you begged?
It's not very surprising that he gave up this fast again. I mean he did it before.
He doesn't care THAT much about you. I mean he likes you to an extent, might just want to keep you around because it's familiar but if it takes any more effort, he's out.
So I think you should just let this one go and find a guy who can actually fight for you and not back out with things get tough.
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Yep, I agree with Dragonfly. I think I advised you about this as well. I am not sure why you would ask for our advice and then not even consider it. If you are looking for a pity party you are not going to find it here. You need to get some counseling for your self esteem issues so that you will stop choosing jerks! I am not trying to be mean but you really need to open your eyes to this. It is like picking up a poisonous snake and then acting all surprised when it bites you! Please stop picking up reptiles!
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If I am correct, you've written us more than the one time a week ago about this same guy. Lots of people have given advice. I really don't know that there is anything more to say.
Sometimes, we seem to end up stuck in life, and the most obvious situations of "being stuck" is within a dysfunctional relationship and yet we stay.
Not picking on you....just stating a truth that I know all too well from being in a relationship that was dysfunctional and yet I stayed. Each of us have different reasons for staying that go beyond the obvious one of loving the person. We may not love how they treat us but love the person. In my case, I did love him for about 20 of the 30 years we were married, but his treatment of me and the terrible marriage began to slowly chip away at my love until I no longer was attracted to, nor desired him or loved him.
The other reasons besides heart ties that kept me with him was :
Our church frowned upon divorces and most likely I would be shunned.
I knew I couldn't afford to make it on my own with the kids. I stayed to have a roof over my head and food in my stomach. The price was high, verbal abuse all of the 30 years.
And lastly, the prospect of being single again and going through the process of finding another partner was kinda scary. I was in some ways frightened of being alone because I was a very social person and knew I'd always want to have someone special who was close to me, someone close to talk to and love.
I don't know what your reasons are that are holding you back. Perhaps thinking that something special about you will after time make a positive change in him. Thats another common thing women are thinking when staying in the bad relationship.
You and him sound like two components that don't mix well like oil and water. Oil and water will never blend to become something new. They end up broken up into smaller bits of themselves if you shake them up in a jar and when left alone long enough seek to regroup it self. the tiny round blobs of oil eventually separate and become one big blog all over again. A bad mix of two people can end up like that, constant fighting which is the agitation of the oil and water, that breaks you up inside,so you feel hopeful, forgiving, trusting, loving, confused, hurt, doubtful, etc and the cycle repeats again and again.
There's always a chance that one or both of you are actually making some common mistakes that end up hurting a relationship, causing anger and friction, maybe blame. If the ex is a husband and there are kids involved you may want to seek out a professional counselor for marriage, if its a long term relationship with many years put into it that you don't want to see go down the drain, it's worth having the both of you agree to see a relationship counselor.
To help any further with the confusion of why and what is the point? I have something to tell you. Believe if or reject it if you wish but time will prove me right or wrong. Here it is:
I believe that as souls, each of us has at least one big lesson to learn in life, something that helps us grow beyond what we first thought our limitations to be, go further than we thought we were capable of, growing personally, becoming a creature who is in one little way, just a bit more like our creator in that one aspect. We may not be fully there but thats not the point. The point is that earth is our school and life is the classroom. There are lessons to learn and there will be tests so that you will know whether you really did learn it or not. The hardest part is to figure out which lesson you are meant to learn so you can focus on it more fully.
Here's an example of what I mean: I had to learn how to love myself more. I thought I had a pretty good self image and I did but that wasn't it. This was more about setting limitations like one does about totally helpless defenseless beings like babies and pets/animals. I hear theres now laws to protect against abuse of animals. Children have protection too but the system doesnt always help being over taxed with not enough help. However, as adults, we are not in someone elses control, our lives are our own to live, as adults, we have a say as to what happens to ourselves. I was so focused on others, it took me a good chunk of my life to figure out that I needed to apply that same concern for well treatment to myself. I was allowing someone to treat me unfairly, negatively, delivering emotional hurt, and mental torture with mind games and other things abusive. The answer was actually simple, all I had to do was walk away. When it began to affect my physical health, I knew it was time to go. The only excuse that yet remained is how I would cope financially. More women stay in bad relationship because of that one reason, women get paid less than men so it's always going to be hard, we can't do it on our own.
So I knew I needed a support network of friends who I shared what was going on with, my parents were dead by then, family spread out over the country all financially suffering or incapable of being help for several other valid reasons. i had to turn to friends. When offered a place to live at no cost to make the break, I took it, but it took me away from my adult daughters and the onebeing still in HS who refused to leave and go with me. I realized I still had to do this for myself, put myself and my needs for a loving caring treatment ahead of anyone elses for once. I deserve to be treated as good as the family pet or his friends, and when I was singled out and treated worse and a counselor wasn't convinceing him to make changes, I had to leave. You see, no one can force a person to change for the better or to even just learn and grow up a little. Some people take a life time to change on one tiny aspect that is not going to make a relationship any better. And those kinds of people just need to end up alone, because they are incapable of currently being able to be in a healthy relationship nor are they willing to admit that they may be part of or all of what is causing the problem, or if aware of the fact they are the problem, they are unwilling to change. Change is scary and most humans are much like Hobbits who feel comfortable in their Hobbit hole, surrounded by what is the same and familiar as always. They will shy away from anything as scary as 'change'.
So end of my story is that when we find ourselves "stuck', it's because there is personally something there for us to learn. If we can't figure it out or run away from the problem without learning a lesson in the midst of it all, then the lesson opportunity Will repeat in our lives, the circumstances and people, location etc may change some, but if you do not figure out what you are meant to learn from what's going on for you with this guy, then you will continue to face the same thing in some form or another for the rest of your life or until you finally get it and pass the test triumphantly. I unfortunately can't tell you what your lesson to learn is.
It may be something as simple as learning how to recognize good relationship material in a guy, or how to have higher standards and not settle for less, or a myriad of other things you may have to learn. I wish you the best in figuring out what it is because even if you decide to leave this guy without having figured what the issue behind it all is, then it will crop up in your future. As I said, time will tell if I am correct in this or not....I lived through it. As far as I can say, it is so. Best of luck dear.
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