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how do i make my boyfriend see how much he hurts me?


Question Posted Friday May 9 2014, 9:07 pm

My question is that i have changed my entire life to be the girl he wants. I have only one friend i can talkto and see on his terms and no family at all.I dont want to leave him necause i love him with all my heart but the name calling and hitting i thought was getting easier but now i think i am losing my 2 week unborn child. He swears i cheated on him anyway. Do you think it is going to get easier or should i just stay quiet and change sime more? I know its my fault. Thank you for listening.

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adviceman49 answered Sunday May 11 2014, 2:12 pm:
I answered this question yesterday. Today you added one more line that is typical of an abused woman; "I know its my fault."

This is not your fault. Even if you did cheat on him, which I know you have not one, you have not asked him to hit you. He has no right to hit. He especially has no right to hit you in such a manner as to cause you to lose your baby or put you in the hospital.

He is an abuser and abusers do not change. They always blame the abused. "You forced me to hit you;" is what they say or: you brought this on yourself.' Pardon the vulgarity here but that is bullshit. He not only has anger monument issues but he gets off hitting women.

As I told you yesterday, he will continue to hit you until he puts you in the hospital and the police step in and that's if you lucky enough to survive that beating. Many abused women are killed by their abusers or end up in the hospital seriously injured. They all same the same thing "its my fault". IT IS NOT NOW YOUR FAULT AND NEVER WILL BE, PLEASE UNDDERSTAN THIS. IT IS ALL HIS FAULT.

Get out now while you can. File for an order of protection and file assault charges against him. If there is any chance of getting him to change it will take a court order of anger management classes or going to jail. Still even with these being forced upon him the chances, statistically; of him changing are less than 20%.

This is a character fault and there is no medication for this. He has to want to change and work at changing. Most abusers do not see they have a problem for as I said above they truly believe that the abused bring it upon themselves and this is wrong.

Get out now before he really hurts you.

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lightoftruth answered Sunday May 11 2014, 2:22 am:
Your boyfriend won't ever see how much he hurts you. He doesn't care about how you feel.

This man is abusive and very controlling.
I hope you don't lose your child. You need to get out of this situation not only for you, but for the baby. You don't want to bring a child up with a man like him. He'll abuse the child as well.
You may love him, I don't doubt that, but you need to love your child more and you don't seem to be caring about his/her safety.

It's never going to get easier. Go stay with a friend or find your family. Or even call the women's shelter and they'll help you. Even call the police.

You need to go take care of yourself first.

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GiddyGeezer answered Saturday May 10 2014, 11:51 am:
Well, you are right, it is your fault and you are not going to get pitied here. If you are still a teen then you need to go home and work things out with your family, otherwise you need to call a women's abuse center immediately and get the hell out of there before he kills you! Either way you need counseling (and lots of it)! If you really are allowing someone to treat you this way and you think you deserve it then you have to understand that you have a problem. I am also going to lay some reality on you, if you really are pregnant and allowing him to hit you and abuse you and doing nothing to get away from him then that is also child abuse on YOUR part as well! If you want to allow some idiot to treat you this way then there is nothing anyone can do to help you but if you bring an innocent child into it and do nothing to stop it, that is criminal on your part as well as his. If he is already saying your child is not his then I can see this ending with a dead baby and both of you in jail. You don't really love this guy, it's an addiction on your part. You are addicted to the feeling you get from him when he is being loving with you. You will do anything to feel that again just like a junkie will do anything for a drug. You are willing to die for this feeling but you have to get some counseling so that you can understand it for what it is, an addiction.. If you are for real and you are not trolling(which is my first instinct here)then please take my advice and get out,cut off all contact with him, get a protection from abuse order,get counseling and get well. Good luck.

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