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My brother and sister doesn't like my boyfriend


Question Posted Thursday May 1 2014, 7:26 am

Hi, first I'd like to give a brief history about me before I tell you my story. I'm 17/F. I have 2 older brothers and one younger. I have four older sisters. My parents and my family are not allowing me to date guys until I'm done with school.

My story is... I met a guy who was one of my brothers friend and we became friends for about a year and we fell in love and we have been dating for almost 2 years now. I love our relationship, we tell each other's everything and we are like bestfriends. I feel like I've found the one and I love him very much. Our relationship although has been kind of private. Only a few know about it like his mother and my younger brother. Because his family and my family have been friends, he's always telling me to tell my family about it so it's not private but I'm always scared because they would get mad at me and start drama. Recently I told one of my older sister and she was okay with it at first but then later wasn't very supportive and told me I should break up with him (because of his history) (he was a bit of a player) but I believe he changed. I told him everything and broke up with him but we are so in love with each other's that we can't let go of each other's. We still talk to each other's like we are still in a relationship and I have no clue what I should do.


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GiddyGeezer answered Monday May 5 2014, 10:42 pm:
I don't want you to take this the wrong way but is it possible that maybe(just maybe )your brothers and sisters see a side of him that you don't. It is very easy to be blinded by love and only see what you want to see in a person. If that is not the case and he has truly changed then I really don't think your family will be that upset. I find it hard to believe that after two years of dating your parents still don't have a clue! Either you guys are VERY good actors or your family has turned a blind eye towards you and decided to just let it run it's course. I am a parent and none of my kids could ever lie well enough to pull off a two year scam and I don't think you have either. I can't even begin to believe one of your siblings didn't break a leg running to Mom or Dad with the news. When one of mine had a juicy tidbit about another they couldn't wait to find some "discreet" way of letting me know! Some people deal with an unpleasant situation by pretending that if you don't mention it, it will go away. I think your family should all show up at the Oscars next year and take home a few awards! You are almost 18 anyway, you might as well just tell them what they probably already know and be done with it!

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Dragonflymagic answered Sunday May 4 2014, 1:42 pm:
The no dating while in school rule isn't all that extreme unless they are talking about more than high school. Most young people once done with high school are 18 and considered adults and can make their own decisions for their-selves, even if the decisions don't end up being the best.
Unlike your parents, I told my daughters to just watch the other girls who date for a while once they started high school. To see how long relationships lasted, how many different guys they end up breaking up with, the worries during the relationships and the pain of breakups are very distracting from school work, and will affect grades. After a short while into the school year, each of them saw for themselves the cycles dating girls went through and how their grades suffered. Each of my 3 daughters on their own decided not to date while in high school and kept to it. I told them that if by chance they did meet a guy in school and fall in love, I would want to meet him and get to know him, have him hang out at our place to get a feel for him and if us as parents saw anything that sent up red flags, they couldnt date the guy until they came to legal age of consent. They all agreed. What I did, I think was fair. I have no idea exactly whats in your parents minds or how they spelled it out so for now, I would say, keep your friendship low key. Once you turn 18, then make your own decisions and date him freely, not in secret. If in secret, subconsiously in your mind, you are agreeing with your parents that they should still be making it their business to make all decisions for you. I don't know if same rules applied to siblings or if they singled you out for some reason. I would hope they had a good reason for it if so. I hope this helps. Its going to be hard to wait until you can openly date. But if you plan to continue to live with the parents once 18, they may rules that apply while living under their roof, no matter what your age and that is generally the rule no matter whose house you live in, whatever their house rules are, you follow or move out. So if they put restrictions on you dating while 18 and living with them, I would suggestion that either you follow their rules, or find a job and move out with some friends together and then date whoever you please.
Hope this helps dear.

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Ahmed16 answered Saturday May 3 2014, 8:49 am:
First of all , your old and wise enough to get into relationships , your parents shouldn't limit your freedom at any degree.You guys love each other , why break up ? , just because to satisfy others.Your the one who controls your life , not others.I think you should be together and when you finish high school , you tell everyone about your relationship.Good Luck :)

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