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I don't want to go to school?
I'm a teen girl and I just started a new school (I moved into a different state). I HATE the new school. It's not just that I'm not adjusted to it yet, but the school and the people there actually depress me. Don't get me wrong, they're very nice, but they're not my friends. My family and I move all the time so it's hard for me to make friends (we've moved about 11 times) and at the last place I made friends for the first time and then we left (I made friends because we actually stayed for a few years at that house). I'm not just a little upset, I'm actually depressed, drained of motivation, and I started cutting. In pretty sure that I've asked this question on here before but it's gotten worse! I need help. Simply thinking about going to the school makes me sick to my stomach and gives me a desire to cut my arms. What do I do?????
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I'm so sorry you are going through this. I lived through a similar issue when I started a new school in 9 th grade. I hated going to the point of crying just to think of having to go. First please stop hurting yourself. You are too special and important. Reading your question is heart breaking. I wish I could reach through the internet and give you a big hug. I care about you without knowing you. Just imagine others who are blessed to be in your life. Think how hurt they would be to know you cut. I don't think your family or friends are aware how all this moving and changing is affecting you. I believe your school has counselors who could talk through your depression. I think it would help a lot just to be heard. Just knowing another person cares and takes out time to listen to you I believe will help out some. Do you think your parents would listen if you explained how you are feeling? I wonder if they knew what was going on if they might try giving you a more stable life without having to move so much. But since you are in your teens at least you know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Soon you can make your own choices of where to live and you can maintain friendships better. Remember this is temporary. Life will get better but you have to stay strong. Try to stay connected with your friends with the internet. Just make the best of it. I know you want to guard your feelings by keeping distance with the people from your new school but try to open up So that life will be somewhat better. You might even find a friend in the same position. Maybe you can help yourself by helping others. You deserve better than this. I care about you and so do others.
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I may have answered you in the past. If so excuse me if my answer is in anyway a duplication of what I've said previously.
Parents believe that children are resilient that they will deal with whatever life is throwing at them better than some adults. This is especially true when it comes to disrupting their lives by picking up and moving every few years. It is what the military has told their soldiers for years about the many changes in stations a soldier might have in their career.
The younger a child is the better they deal with these changes in their lives and the easier they may have at making new friends. When you get to your teenage years and into high school is when things start to change. A teenager needs stability, needs to make friends and to socialize. Moving all the time makes this harder for they are the new kid trying to make friends with kid who have spent their entire school career as friends. They may not want to accept anyone else into their group.
When this happens you feel as you do. This also happens at a time when puberty is playing havoc with you and what your parents see is something their parents and grandparents called a phase children went through and would eventually grow out of.
This is not a phase, in fact today doctors have a name for this calling it teenage depression and they can help you. It is easy to see what is causing you to be depressed. IF your dad or mom has to move in order to keep his or her job then the best solution would be for them to find a job that allows them to stay in one place.
I don't know your parents, you haven't said why you move so often so I could not say if it were possible to find work in their career field that would allow them to stay in one place. Also staying in one place could mean a drastic change in lifestyle as earning could be far less.
Okay that is the reasoning I see behind why you move so often and how you feel. Now lets try to make you feel better and stop cutting. Cutting is dangerous. It may make you feel something for the moment but it if you cut in the wrong place or too deep you could bleed out before help arrives so lets get you some help before that happens.
If you haven't spoken to mom or dad about how you feel, and I mean a real serious talk where you show them the cutting scars then you need to. As I said it is too easy to see what you may be saying or how your acting to be passed off as a phase. If you haven't shown them you have been cutting then they won't know how serious this is. I know you may be embarrassed to show them you cutting scars but you have to do this to show them how much you're hurting.
Next if you can't bring yourself to talking to them try talking to a trusted teacher or your school principal. Your teacher and principal are charged with looking after your well being. IF you tell them you're depressed and that you have taken to cutting. They will step in and talk to your parents for you and see to it that you get the help you need.
Rather than cut and if you feel the need to cut before you have had a chance to get help from a doctor or psychologist to call. Then call 911 instead of cutting. Tell the call taker you feel like cutting yourself. The call taker will stay on the phone with you and talk with you until help arrives. Generally help will be the closest police officer plus the closest fire truck and a paramedic ambulance. The purpose of the Police office is to see to your well being. The police officer is there to make sure no one stands in the way of the firefighters and paramedic for caring for you.
Last I'm including a hotline that you can call to talk to people better trained than I who can help you. The hotline is the The-Kids-Help-Phone. It operates 24/7 staffed by professionally trained volunteers. The number is 1-800-668-6868
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I know I've answered you plenty times before on the same subject. Because of feeling disconnected and not having friends because of having moving so often, you've finally had enough of this and are having your version of an emotional breakdown. I understand you have perfect reason for it.
I can understand not wanting to go to school. Have you talked to your parents yet as I have suggested about how you feel? If not, I still stand by my previous advice and encourage you to say something. I had a daughter who suffered from depression and as close and as much involved as I was in my 3 girls lives, I couldnt tell the oldest was depressed and she never told me until after she had her first baby and that caused her to finally start telling people, including me about what was going on and went to see a doctor. i am not saying you need a doctor, just that your parents may have no clue how this all is affecting you. If you don't say anything or have talked with them but not told them that you are seriously thinking of not attending school anymore because you just don't want to go through losing friends again, there may be no way for them to know. Say something. If I were your mom, I'd want to know how seriously this moving often thing is hurting you. Please let me know what the outcome of a talk with them are. Can you go live with a relative to have a more stable education and social life? I've mentioned this before as I See this to be a serious issue. Your parents may be only thinking of bringing in the most income to provide for you and yet you may be very willing to do without some things that money can buy, in order to have the things that money can't buy like friends, and long term history somewhere, where you can put down roots.
Your parents may mean well but if you don't say something that could help them decide to change things, for your sake, you may grow up to have trouble connecting with and committing to anyone in relationships, even dating ones, and you could develop a fear of finding a love partner and getting married because your subconscious mind has been trained to protect you from hurt of loss so you act in ways to not choose to marry and have kids someday so you don't have to suffer a loss. Also you could lose your ability to focus or put in any effort in school and choose to skip out on classes, drop out of school, start hanging out with the wrong kids and getting into trouble or in whatever ways some teen rebel against parents when their situation doesnt seem fair.
Whats important is that you learn to speak up for yourself when there is something you don't like, something that for all you know may be able to be remedied. If you don't know how to approach your parents or think they wont take you seriously, I am okay with you showing them what I write here now just for them:
"Coming from one mom to another, you'll be kicking yourself later in life when you finally really see the affect your decisions you made had on your child when she was still a teen and also later when your daughter became an adult and all the issues that now affect her adult life because of something you did in the past, all with meaning well.
I have those regrets, staying with an abusive ex until the kids were all graduated from high school. Each one today has issues of their own, different problems with relationship with guys, shirking adulthood and not wanting to grow up for one. Choosing a boyfriend just like Dad for another, and a third who is afraid to get into a relationship, no ones good enough for her, she's unable to trust anyone or connect. It hurts me to see that but I chose to stay because I knew I couldnt afford to feed them or put a roof over their heads and clothe them if I left the ex. See, a financial reason, and what they grew up witnessing and experiencing has really messed them up. Don't let this happen to your daughter...there is still some time. Moving so often for financial reasons is killing the person she could possibly become."
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