|
My boyfriend is depressed
My boyfriend is really depressed and is always telling me he's going to kill himself. It makes me soo upset because my sister has a mental illness and always tries to kill herself. I don't know what I should do about this as his friend told me it was my fault he cut for the first time. Can someone please give me advice?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Listen very carefully to my words. You are NEVER responsible for someone else's behavior. Don't ever let anyone try to lay that crap on you EVER! The only thing you can do in this situation is tell an adult what is happening. A school counselor would be a good choice. This young man is mentally ill and he needs help. You can not and should not take on his problems or your sister's. They need professional help and it wouldn't hurt for you to talk to a counselor either so that you can better understand what is happening with these people you care about and how you need to handle your relationships with them. I am truly sorry you are having to go through this. Good luck.
]
His friend is an idiot if they're blaming you for the first time he cut. It was his decision and it's not your fault that he has his problems.
So don't believe any of that.
Secondly, you need to tell somebody about this. Like his parents, teacher, counselor, any adult that can help him. If you keep this to yourself, he might end up dead so you need to go tell someone even if that means he'll be upset with you. You'd rather have him mad and alive rather than dead.
]
OK first off, You are not to blame for ANYTHING, your boyfriend does. People who aren't in their right minds do what they do & nobody else is to blame.
I am going to be real honest with you. I have lived with a husband who has had bipolar problems a long time. He has only found help recently. He never threatened suicide, thankfully, but living with a person who has mental problems is very difficult. A person who is depressed can actually bring you down to that level yourself. You want to help, but you just can't. They have to find the help themselves and stick with it.
What you are going to have to do is this & it will be a tough decision. You need to decide if you want to deal with this every day. I know you probably aren't thinking that far ahead but maybe you are.
The reality is that it won't go away. He will keep you around by threatening to kill himself, cut...whatever. That is just the disease talking but it will get to your brain all the same. Make you feel guilty. Make YOU depressed.
The smart move may just be to move on. If you stay though, you will have to get tough. Either way you need to tell an adult. His parents, teacher...I am assuming you are a teen. If not you can still try to contact a parent. Yes, some threaten just to put guilt on you, but why take that chance. ALWAYS assume he is serious & rat his ass out. He needs help if he has sank that low.
Whatever your decision do not, under any circumstances,feel you are in any way to blame for his actions. Not in the past, not now & not in the future. He needs serious help & you can do nothing if he doesn't get that help.
]
The reasoning of his friend is all screwed up. No one can really be at fault for any other persons actions except their own. To say it was your fault is like a husband telling the wife, its your fault I cheated on you because.... and it doesnt matter what he says the reason was, thats a flimsy excuse to not look for the root of the problem and try to find a cure. Placing blame is not 'looking for a cure' but running from the issue.
My oldest daughter told me after she was diagnosed with post partum depression, that actually, she'd had depression while in high school.
I was very involved in the kids lives, alway openminded and asking how they were doing, feeling, any desire to try smoking? drugs, become sexually active? problems with friends, etc... I was very approachable and laid back and would never over react or be mad on many of their issues but the one thing she never shared with me is that she felt depressed. Honestly, there was no behavioral difference on the outside, I had no idea, so I know that if he hasn't told his parents, they have no idea either. I wished some friend who might have known had told me so I could get her in for treatment. Feelings of depression can easily lead to feelings of finding no reason to live, many thinking of suicide but as has been said, those saying they want to almost never do, all they really want is to feel normal and enjoy life and they wont be able to until they are getting the right treatment. His reason for feeling this way may not be mental illness like your sis. He may have a real great chance of getting better. Don't tell him to tell his parents, he won't. Find a way to go tell them because he deserves to get the treatment that will help. The only reason my daughter finally relented and decided to go for treatment was when she confided in me that she had feelings of wanting to kill her self or her new born baby, my grand child even though she knew that it was wrong to think that way and she wouldn't want to do it, but just having those feelings scared her because she didn't want to have something happen that drove her over the edge to kill her own child. She's a happy person today on depressions meds. It's not your fault that he cuts himself now. But if he succeeds with killing himself, and you didn't tell his parents, you will feel guilty as if it was your fault that he died. The only fault would be not speaking up but any action he makes, including suicide is still his because he did not choose to tell parents or school officials or anyone who finally took him seriously enough to get him help. Hope this helps dear.
]
Ok, first off most people that SAY their going to kill themselves, is just a cry for attention. ive known people over the years and who both said they were going to kill themselves and people who ACTUALLY did it. i can tell you now that most people DONT just keep on saying their going to kill themselves, they just do it. MAYBE sometimes mentioning that their depressed or feeling that way to one maybe TWO people at the most but they are usually so busy wallowing in their own misery that they dont have time to make someone ELSE feel like its that persons fault and all this.
Secondly, did you ask what it is your doing thats making him what to supposedly kill himself? if hes cutting you should talk to one of his parents immediately and just go over his head and tell someone that you think can get him help. No matter what the reason, even if its YOU (which probably isnt true anyway) he needs help.
Also i would try telling the boyfriend that with everything you go through with your own sibling trying to kill yourself, that you really dont wanna hear him playing games or adding more stress on you because you already have enough to deal with. Sometimes you just have to put your foot down with people and not let them tell stories to get a reaction out of you if that is what hes trying to do. if anyone is talking to you about killing themselves, you should immediately go over their head and tell whoever is taking care of them and is in a better place to decide what kind of care they need. your in no place to be able to do that for them, and you cant love someone past some of these issues sometimes either. sadly it just doesnt work that way. good luck though. ; )
]
More Questions: |