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Boyfriend and his ex
Im 16. My boyfriend is 17. We've been together on and off for a year and 2 months. His ex girlfriend asked him to prom because shes a senior and needs a date. They dated abt 2 or 3 years ago and he claims they want to be on a friend level. Im not sure how to take them going to prom together. I wanted to be his only prom date. He understands where im coming from but he said hes thinking about going. I don't feel comfortable with it. What should I do??
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Ok. You're the girlfriend and your boyfriend's ex has decided to ask your boyfriend to prom. Regardless of how may years they dated, she clearly knows that you two are dating. He has assured you that they are only friends. You're upset about it. He says that he understands but is still thinking about going? Correct?
You are the girlfriend and this is your relationship. If you don't like it, you need to stand up and say that you don't like it and if he's committed to you, then him just having to think about going is not okay. You've talked to him about him possibly going and that should be enough.
Since it's not. One thing that you can do, is go to his ex woman to woman and explain to her that you don't like it. I don't think that it's something that you should end your relationship over because it could be innocent, but it's just off that an ex girlfriend is asking her ex-boyfriend that has a new girlfriend to prom. If she was really a friend, she wouldn't be asking him.
Let's be honest, YOUR boyfriend is not the only guy that she can ask. She can get another guy to go if she really wanted to. Don't be afraid to speak your mind. If your relationship is worth fighting for and see your relationship going further, then by all means, SPEAK UP.
Good Luck.
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That's weird that he is going with her just because she doesn't have a date. Are you a junior? If so, I thought juniors and seniors were able to attend prom? This is so hard to figure out when I don't know what grade you guys are.
Anyways, I'd tell him that you're fine with him being friends with her but not taking her to prom. If someone has a boyfriend or girlfriend and they are planning to go to prom but their partner can't, they either don't go, or they go alone and with friends. They shouldn't take a different date.
Tons of people go without a date, it's not a big deal, she doesn't need a date.
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Hell yeah, i agree with the others on this. i would tell him go ahead and take her, but i wont be here for you when you come back. He is showing that he takes your relationship with him lightly and that your not number one. so why would you stay with a guy like that? its one thing to just be friends with her and still know her, but to be doing something like that is a life milestone for teens that usually COUPLES do together. (although i know that "friends" can go to prom too) but why isnt he thinking of when you and HIM are gonna go?
Is she just trying to impress her girlfriends by having a boy toy on her arm when she goes to prom? or maybe she just wants one more chance to be alone with him to see if she can re-spark what she thought they had along time ago. prom is a PERFECT place for that to happen and WORK. so i wouldnt allow it one bit.
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Since you're one year difference in age, I am wondering if at 16, it means you are a junior and not allowed to go to prom? Is that the issue?
As far as I know, if a senior is going to prom, the date they ask can be of any age and not have to attend the same school. Perhaps this school has different rules if you are not allowed to attend.
This would mean he stays home and plans to not attend because you can't or goes but doesn't take a date. Either way should be fine. If he's asked to dance while attending alone, proper etiquette at any age is that if someone asks you to dance, no matter if its a guy asking a girl or girl asking a guy, it is rude to refuse. One should accept and dance just the one dance and then it is okay to refuse any more. I didn't know about this rule until I took a class for west coast swing dance at the rec center. The teacher told us about this.
Now its an entirely different story if the school will allow you to attend prom if he asks you, but he hasn't asked you. If he is choosing to take an old girlfriend out simply for the reason that she doesnt have a date, that is the stupidest things I've ever heard. From statistics, the majority of girls going to their prom, do not have a male date these days. In fact all 3 daughters had no male date but attended with a group of their girlfriends. The group was 5 or 6 girls, all seniors with no date.
So the Ex girlfriend can do the same, attend without him. She is very inconsiderate of you his current girlfriend, to ask him to take her to prom just because she doesnt have a date. If she didn't know he was dating, thats one thing, the ball was in his court then to tell her that he's not available to take her because he is dating someone. If she knew about you, then she's one of those females who don't give a crap about the other girl. Such a person thinks only of their needs and wants first. A need is something like insulin for a diabetic, a want is just a desire, but the person won't die if they don't get their way.
You need to have a good heart to heart talk with the boyfriend. Let him know you don't feel like he's treating you as a girlfriend that he is committed to when he's considering possibly going to prom with her instead. Tell him that the way you see it, plenty of people go to prom without a date. It is not a need to have a date. A need is insulin for a diabetic, a date for prom is not a need, it is a desire. If she doesn;t get her desire, she won't die from it. If he was not dating anyone right now, then of course he's a free guy to take her, or is the problem that in his mind he has not made a commitment to you after 14 months?
The problem may lie in the fact you say the two of you are on and off again dating. So the 14 months then doesn't count if you keep parting ways for one reason or another and getting back together. One of you may not feel quite the same about the other, feeling the other is not quite the perfect dating partner. If so, whoever has issues with the other, needs to get a commitment to actively work things out if its something that can be changed. If its not something that can be changed, then perhaps the best thing is to part ways for good this time, especially is he doesnt have deep enough feelings for you. If he can easily consider taking the ex to prom, If it were me, I'd have my doubts that I was important to him at all. He might like me which is fine for a friend, but not love me which is needed for a dating couple who are committed to each other.
So have the talk, give him a chance to explain his feelings. Be prepared in case he isn't sure how deeply he feels about you. Dating is for determining if there is interest beyond basic attraction, discovering more about the other to determine if you like and can handle their personality traits, if there's enough in common, or evidence of destructive habits or tendencies in one or both people that would harm the partner emotionally or physically and kill the relationship. Depending on what you discover, you either continue dating the person and take it to the committed couple level or you break up and look for the next dating partner, always trying to find someone a step better than the last based in the things you discovered you and take it to the committed couple level or you didn't like or were destructive behavior.
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You should be his only prom date. It's disrespectful to you if he goes to prom with his ex; that's just rude. You need to communicate with him and tell him that you really don't feel comfortable with him going to prom with her and that it bothers you. Just talk it out with him and tell him why you feel uncomfortable with the situation. Good luck~
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