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ex and new boyfriend ...?
Okay so first of all im 15 and let's say my ex is tom(15) and my new boyfriend is chad(16).
So tom and I dated like a little over a year ago and our relationship didn't end too swell. We had lots of fun but every time he'd try to move farther with me in the relationship I would say no and yes he respected that. But the thing is I was an 8th grader and he was a freshman at the time and our schools were different but we saw each other every weekend and sometimes during the week. Then all of a sudden 3 weeks into our relationship he dumped me over a text saying that he can't do the long distance? Lol it wasn't even long distance? We lived like a mile away from each other...it took me awhile to get over him because he was the first guy I actually truly liked. Oh and he has been the first and only guy to ever dump me. Then last summer I met a guy through a friend and we talked and we have been dating for almost 11 months now. We are very serious with each other and tell each other everything and very open but we've never had the chance to meet face to face yet. But this summer we are going to see each other. So this past 11 months its been long distance with Skype and texting and phone calls. So my dilema is I love chad but tom has never fully left the back of my head...I feel like a horrible girlfriend just thinking about tom. Because chad is so perfect for me we hardly ever argue or anything. I want to be with chad I love him (whatever love is at this age) but tom I find myself thinking about.. is this because chad and I haven't been together yet? (Kiss, and hug etc) and the last guy I was with was Tom. Tom and I text sometimes out of the blue but completely as friends, he trys to flirt but I stop it. I want to be with chad once again. I just dont know why I keep thinking about tom. How do I stop it? Oh and tom and I have not spoke of the breakup since it happened.
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It's not wrong to think about Tom. It's wrong to consider kissing him and cheating on Chad with him. It's not wrong to remember Tom and think about him unless you're still thinking of him romantically. And what I mean by romantically is just thinking of your feelings for him and missing your relationship, not simply thinking of the memories and smiling. You and Chad will be fine. Also if you feel guilty talk to Chad about it, communication is key! You're not a terrible girlfriend at all.
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You can't possibly stop thinking about someone whose in your head. It just doesn't work that way.
I think that you haven't fully let Tom go yet. If you did, you wouldn't be thinking about him. And sorry, but if you can't possibly be with another guy if you're still thinking about someone else.
Why be with someone, if he is not the one in you're thinking of and why think of someone whose no longer in your life?
I think you should think things through before you make a move.
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I'd have to say that Tom has been unsuccessful finding a girl to have sex with. Sure, he backed off at the time but my best guess is: what he really wanted was a girlfriend to have sex with.
Having fun together vs being best of friends with feelings for each other is different to me. Cus its the friends that stick with you not just when its fun and happy but during the tough times and also when you may be at your worst or lowest point who are the true friends. And his excuse to break up, you lived too far away? I don't believe that was the real reason. Thats way too superficial a reason. If that was his real concern, he is a shallow person.
Here's what you need to focus your thoughts on: Give him 5 years or so to grow up, and Tom might be a decent person worth dating then. Right now, he's not worth the time even thinking about.
Memories of first love are going to haunt you for a while. All feelings and emotions are stored in your subconscious mind which causes you to dwell on, imagine and fantasize with the memories you have. Your feelings are not going to be connected in a logical way to your conscious mind, based in reality. It might help to not text with Tom as often where it gives him a chance to flirt which stirs up the feelings of your subconscious again.
Get over the guilt. There is nothing wrong with thinking about or fantasizing about other guys. Thats normal for both guys and gals to do as normal sexual creatures. And you will find yourself do this on occasion throughout your life, married or not. The only time it becomes a concern is when it becomes an obsession to the point you are so fully absorbed with thoughts of the other that you neglect time invested in the current relationship or time into other commitments, like school or job.
Good luck with Chad. I am all for taking online sweethearts into the real world as soon as possible. You are partly right when you asked, "is this because chad and I haven't been together yet?" Yes because with Chad, though your feelings are fully involved, it is still a one dimensional, flat computer screen relationship, more based in fantasy as far as imagining what the chemistry between you will be, what it is like to hold hands and kiss. Your imagination fills in the stuff that is missing that you can only experience on a daily in person relationship. So on line is real only to a certain point. So when you meet, no matter that you both mentally and emotionally make a good match...thats the friendship level of a good relationship...you have no control over the chemistry. If once you meet, you discover you feel no romantic spark with him, then he is really only able to be a friend to you, not a romantic boyfriend status and it best be aired in the open right then. Good luck.
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