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Selective Mutism
I had selective mutism as a child. I was treated pretty soon I had it in Kindergarten and I was fully talking by the end of 2nd grade. But what are the lasting effects of having it? As a 15 year old today, I still have a lot of anxiety and some things like trouble talking in front of the class, some social situations, and being in large loud crowds. Would that be lasting effects and what else usually is there?
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I am no doctor so I can't say if there are lasting effects to selective mutism.
Just the name itself implies that you chose to not speak in some situations and did in others.
Being shy as a child myself, I would say that was something I did on occasion. We didn't have names for that then. It wasn't severe. But when I was real little, I remember my parents having friends over, people I did not know well. I was curious enough to visually check them out but when the people spoke to me, or the parents cajoled me to say something or perform... i chose to remain mute. As a much older adult looking back, I would say I did not feel safe and secure to talk to people outside of my family members. That made school hard at first. I was truly scared of all the kids and because I was unresponsive socially, I didn't make friends easily and that just compounds the problem because without little steps to step you past your comfort zone you stay stuck in a world of what is termed today 'Social anxiety". I hear from plenty of teens who feel that in either all areas of their life or specific ones. As teens people tend to question their self esteem, wonder if others will like them, where they fit in the world and it is scary but something most teens work through. Others, like myself need a little extra help. I made great strides in middle school of gaining confidence and coming out of my shell but other specific situations still made me panic. I can't remember ever doing book reports in front of the class, would rather take a failing grade than stand up there with all those eyes on me. LOL
Eventually in my last year of high-school, I had enough of being so shy and anxious socially. It was too painful being shy. I don't know if shyness is a trait that can be passed on but my mom was really shy. Her only friends were wives of guys my dad met, he was the outgoing, friendly, talkative sort. I wanted to be more like him, having both examples in my life. Finally in desperation to truly want to change, willing to do anything to overcome it, I prayed to God. And here is what I clearly heard to do.
It worked amazingly. Nice thing about it, is that there is no pressure to master each step in a particular time period. You go through at your own pace. Here's what you can try to work with yourself to overcome the social anxiety.
1. Smile at strangers every day as you come across them. When you are comfortable with this, move on to step 2 (It is important that they are total strangers to you as there is some level of comfort with people you see on a daily basis.)
2. Smile and add saying hello to people you don't know. This is already harder because your mind will be going, "They're gonna think I'm nuts cus I am saying hi and they dont even know me." When you can do this without feeling awkward or shy, move to step 3
3. Smile and say hi to and then pay a compliment to another person you don't know. It could be telling the grocery clerk you love her necklace. Keep paying compliments to people until you can do so without being fearful of their reaction or simply the act of doing it.
4. Smile, say Hi,(or you can skip the "Hi' here) and start a conversation with a stranger. Here's an example. When I'd be at a clothing rack and another woman was there...no matter her age, I would make a comment to her about the clothing. I'd pull something off the rack and make up a question to ask her...something as simple as holding it up to you saying "How does this look with my complexion" Make sure your questions to get her started in conversation are open ended, not ones that can be answered yes or no, otherwise the person may not say anything more.
Keep trying statements with a question to get responses from a person. If they don't open up and start responding and sharing some of their story or thoughts, then they are part of the 10 % of people who are hermit like and don't like being around people or talking to them. I took a class that taught about personality types and discovered that 90% of people are very friendly but will not start conversation first. If you can learn to start conversation first, in every situation, you will find that the majority of people respond in a very friendly and supportive way. They won't find the fact that you start talking too weird. Once they figure you're a naturally friendly person you will see them willingly respond back and share bits and pieces of information and such.
I was trying to pick ripe but not over ripe melons one time when an older woman was tapping and listening to the melons. I asked what she was doing and she explained that there is a certain sound it makes, and gave me examples, so I learned something. Later we bump into each other in another aisle, and I say, "Well Hello again!" Her response, "Hello again. Do you use coupons?" "Sometimes." "Do you buy this product," she shows me something in her cart, "Yes I do." "Well I happen to have a coupon for a great deal on it if you'd like," and without waiting for my response reaches into pocket and hands it to me. You'd be amazed at the conversation you could have with people and be able to share helpful info with them or vice versa. And sometimes in the conversing you may find people who you have some things in common with and you decide to keep in touch with and exchange cell numbers and /or get their name for facebook friending. Once you are comfortable with talking to one person, then its a small matter to talk to groups of people.
This should help you. Good luck dear.
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