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I know I need help
I've always known something was wrong with me. I had issues with self harm for a long time. I still have suicidial thoughts. I feel the need to drink and smoke when feeling down. My newest being a need to "binge eat". But I tried to stop all that, and change. It all made me hate myself more than I already do but I snapped a bit today. Just ate a take out carton full of fries, grilled cheese, two sloppy joes. a carton full of sweet potato fries and some funyuns. all within twenty minutes then popped a laxative. never ate a laxative after binging before... but I just grabbed the pack I had in my room (because I heard it was a quick weight loss technique)and did it. who knows why?
Anyway I know to get the help I need I'd have to go through my dad and I can't talk to my family. And I really mean I can't. I'm already the black sheep...and it's funny because I give advice on here and try to be there for people and i'm starting to wonder if maybe all the times I said it was going to be okay was me subconsciously trying to make myself believe that...
I know it doesn't seem like there is a question in here...i guess i kinda just needed to vent. I have no one to talk to.
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Hello. I want to thank you for sending this letter. It helps to know that I wasn't the only one who felt the need to drink or smoke when I experienced depression before. I hope you will also realize that you are not alone and I hope that that realization will push you forward.
You may be the black sheep in your family but that doesn't have to define you. The fact that someone like you, someone who has his/her share of problems, still goes on this site to give advice to other people, that is beautiful.
You felt the need to drink or smoke when you were sad but you still tried to stop and change- that is willpower.
You might see yourself as someone weak but you actually are a strong person. You were brave to share your problem with a complete stranger. Thank you for trusting me with your problem. I really appreciate it. I hope this letter cheered you up somehow. Feel free to write again and I will reply as soon as I can.
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I'm not your mom, I wont tell you what to do. But I am the exact way. Yeah smoking, and drinking is bad but it does the job no one else seems to be capable of. And thats making me feel numb, making me feel happy and worry-free. I don't think it's a bad thing but, if it gets to the point its hurting you, its time to stop
Also with the self harm i went through that phase but for me it was nothing more than a phase. Try to turn to a spiritual guidence. Im christian and i turn to God in my times of nees an meditating, praying and just looking at all the good things in my life help let me let my anger go and get a natural high. It really helps. Though drugs have always been a plan b, this technique has worked as a plan a for quite sometime.
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Its totally fine. If you just want things out, that is also why we are all are here. Sometimes its best just to let it all out, instead of just having an outright question. It seems you know what you need to do, its just how to go about it. If you have a question I'm here, and if you just want to vent I'm here. I know you may think that everybody will say this but you are beautiful in all aspects of the word. Sometimes its more saying that you are beautiful, that makes things come together. Just know I'm here.
Lillian Garvin
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Hi, I know exactly what you are going through and I'm literally losing the most important person in my life over these same problems.
I'm 98% sure I'm depressed, I have suicidal thoughts sometimes, but I never consider it, I used to self-harm but stopped for my bf. Because of my own personal beliefs I would never smoke or drink. I wish I binged instead I just don't eat, I can't.
I thought I couldn't talk to my family either, I'd only ever spoken to my friends about it until one day my bf made me realize that I needed help, and to prove that I could better myself I told my dad that I used to hurt myself and that I was depressed. He tried as hard as he could to get me a therapist. I went to a therapist for 6 months and she did nothing for me. So I'm trying my hardest to find a new therapist while in the process I'm just breaking down and losing him.
It's hard. It's so hard. My life is so perfect and I'm so sad and I don't know why. I get upset over every little thing. I completely and entirely understand what you are going through and it's a terrible thing. Please vent to me if you need, talk to me all you want, I know how it feels I can't even talk to my closest friends and it's so horrid to be sad like this. Add me on skype, you can vent to me all you want. My skype is: Kiba.Wolfe (The celestial messenger of dirty pillows)
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Well first of all: you said that you struggle with self harm thoughts, this worked for me but I don't know if it will for you: if you want to cut, take a marker and draw pretty designs on yourself instead, and don't hesitate to find the suicide hotlines phone number and give them a call. Oh, and after the age of 14 you can legally go and see a doctor without your parents permission, so if you want to go see a doctor about all if this, go right ahead. Also, throw away your laxatives, they just make you use the bathroom, which empties your bladder, making you a bit lighter, no real weight is lost. Did you know that exercising gives you endorphins which make you feel good? So go for a run daily.
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What I'm hearing is that you're on your dad's insurance. This does not mean you need to go through your dad. You're an adult and your father no longer has any control or say over you medical issues. Yes his insurance may be paying the bills but your medical is confidential and only you can say who has access to your medical files. I could be paying for your medical visits and treatments it would not give me the right to see your medical file without your permission.
You should have your own copy of your dads insurance cards. IF you don't and you know who the insurance company is call them or go on line and request a copy of the insurance and prescription cards be sent to you. You are entitled to them as long as you are insured under their policy.
Given what your problem I'm going suggest you call the human resource department of the company where your dad works. Most all companies that have an insurance program have an EAP which stands for, Employee Assistance Program. This is a confidential program that assists employees and anyone who lives in their home, regardless if they are under the insurance, with a wide variety of problems employees may face away from work. Ask the Human Resource person you speak to for the number of the EAP contact.
Once you have that number call them and ask for assistance in finding a psychologist to help you with an eating disorder and possible depression. They will give you a name or list of names to call. Call and set up and appointment to speak with the psychologist. Most EAP programs will pay for a specific number of visits in full then your insurance will cover whatever is allowed for in the coverage.
Also you are going to need to have a full physical by your PCP. The psychologist is going to ask you to have one. This is to rule out any organic reason for your problem. Tell your PCP who your psychologist is and to share the results of the physical with the psychologist. Also ask to be screened for depression.
Most important for you to remember is that you are an adult and dad no longer has the rights he had when you were a minor. He may have the same rules most parents have when it comes to living under his roof. Which may be; "If you live under my roof you live by my rules." That is all well and good but it does not give him the right to violate your legal rights which in this case is protected by federal law. Only you can designate who can see your medical records. If you don't want him seeing your medical records or having knowledge of why you’re seeing the doctors you are seeing, then he has to live with it.
Next time you are with any of your doctors update your HIPPA forms to those people you want to be allowed access and or knowledge of your medical well-being.
Note: They can also give you the information you need to get the insurance cards you need.
I also visit this site daily so if you need to vent or need more help send me a private message. Don't be ashamed everyone needs help at some time and you have taken the biggest step by asking for help. Just remember your an adult and dad has no say. You do not need to tell me who you are and you should not if you send me any private messages.
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