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Is It What I Think It Is?
Hi, I'm sorry, I didn't really know which category to put this in. If you could help me I would be grateful.
So I went to a school dance years ago and a random guy that I didn't know walked up and started dancing with me. It was okay at first but things started getting more...skeptical, I guess. He got behind me and started grinding up against me, and his hands held me at my waist. I felt slightly uncomfortable at this point but didn't say anything. Then his hands moved over the spot where my genitals were and his fingers were rubbing against that spot. That was when I tried to move away, but he just pulled me back and did it more. I tried to say 'no' and 'stop' but it didn't come out very loudly. I tried moving away several times.
My question is..is this considered sexual assault?
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Yes, any time someone touches you it is an assault. If they touch you in a sexual manner, such as you described it is sexual assault. If his fingers entered your vagina, even through your clothing, it could be considered rape.
Depending where you live the statute of limitations on these types of crimes is generally 5 years. Depending on how many years ago this was and how old you both were at the time; it would probably come down to she said, he said unless other girls come forward to say he did the same to them.
Given the fact that you bring this up now and are questioning if this is an sexual assault. I would say this incident is still bothering you. Sexual assaults are traumatic even one where no actual sex is involved such as penetrative rape.
You're feeling bad that you did nothing and let it happen, that you did not yell or scream loud enough to make him stop. Don't feel bad you have no idea what he would have done or said had you screamed loud enough for others to hear. When the music stopped I'm sure you walked away; that was the right thing to do.
What I suggest since this is bothering you is that you need to bring some type of closure to this event that gives you comfort. None of us can do that for you as we do not have the training for it and it needs to be done one on one. What I suggest is doing the following.
Contact a psychologist for some talk therapy about what has happened. A psychologist is trained to help you find the closure you are looking for. To find one specifically trained in this area you could call your local rape crisis center or call 1-800-656-HOPE.
Calling this number will connect you to an organization called RAINN which though them your call will be routed to your closest crisis center. RAINN stands for Rape, Assault, Incest, National Network. The volunteers who answer the phone are trained to help you.
While your abuse may not be recent it is fresh enough in your mind to be bothering you. This gives you the right and the need to call a crisis intervention center for assistance. Through them you will find the right specialist who can help you put closure to what happened.
Putting closure to something does not mean you will forget what happened. What closure brings is a way of dealing with this properly so you can move on with your life and have a good life and a good sex life since this was a sexual assault.
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Why did you allow this? You ALWAYS have the right to say no. This guy was a stranger he had no right to do such a thing to you.
Anytime someone does something to you without your consent, it is consider assault.
How do you feel about this incident? If you would like to talk, please email me.
Check out my blog:
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Yes. Any time someone attempts something of a sexual nature to you and you have clearly said "NO" no matter the volume or tone of voice it's assault. You should tell an adult you trust be it a teacher, parent or ANYONE and be sure the person who did this is swiftly dealt with. Your telling the truth may prevent him from taking advantage of others. No means no.
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