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I think my best friend is trying to flirt with me
So, there are two people at this point in life I would call my best friends. There's a guy, my age(19), who for all intents and purposes will be referred to as Bob, and a girl a year younger than us, who I'll call, oh, I don't know, Jasmine I guess.
We've all graduated high school and work in the area, and Bob and I hang out close to every day. Jasmine on the other hand doesn't get to hang out with us very often because we usually work opposite shifts. On the occasion that I do see Jasmine, it's usually in public and she always makes a very sneaky, yet high-energy and flirty entrance.
She'll always sneak up from behind and hug me tightly, or tickle just under my ribs, or something along those lines. She's always so happy to see me, sticks close and always has some kind of contact, and always has a smile on her face. Now, I understand this is how a lot of girls are with their friends, but she isn't. She - and I, too, actually - hate physical contact with practically everyone. She has literally - on several occasions - noticed me or my car somewhere and stopped in to surprise me.
This is how I know her to act when she's flirting. It's how she's acted with boyfriends in the past, and with her current boyfriend, only even more so with me. And I don't mind, except the fact that we're both in serious relationships.
If she wasn't living with a boyfriend and I hadn't been in the same relationship for 3 and a half years, I would love it. She's very attractive, completely adorable, and I've always felt a connection with her. Our personalities
But, because we've both been in relationships, I've done my best to remain sort of ambiguous about my interactions with her. I don't want to encourage anything, but I don't want to falsely act as though I'm not at all attracted to her.
So, what should I make of this and how should I handle it? Should I ignore it for now, or talk to her about it? Sorry for the long question.
Thanks in advance for any opinions!
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
I'm a 17 year old girl, I would say to be honest and say something. Tell her that you are feeling a little uncomfortable (if you are) with her actions and that you understand you are good friends but you are BOTH in relationships, and be honest with her about "Yeah, you're not a bad looking girl" but... you both are in serious relationships. If you ignore the topic it could go farther than intended, and that will mess up two perfect relationships. Tell her to take it down a few notches, and that you will always be there to talk and be around but not for the flirty kind of attitude from her. Hope this helped a little!
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Interesting predicament. Have you talked to your boyfriend about it at all? Maybe he would be open to you exploring your relationship with your friend. I do suggest you talk to her about it. It may be a bit awkward but try telling her just what you said here. That you like her but can't be anything more than friends because you're in a committed relationship and that her friendship means a lot to you but it makes you uncomfortable when she's so touchy feely. If your relationship with her ever does go to another level you'll at least know you guys can discuss issues with each other.
Hope that helps. Good luck :)
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No matter what the real reason is behind how she acts with you, If being touched by her in certain ways disturbs you this much, just bring up the issue of it making you feel uncomfortable and you'd rather she refrain from touching you that much. If its true and you and her both don't like being touched by most people, then she should be able to understand and not take it personally.
You mentioned nothing about her or you being bi-sexual. If you were, I think you'd know it cus men and women equally would catch your interest sexually. Its possible to feel really comfortable with certain women to a point, that usually doesnt cross the line into being sexual with each other and not being bi-sexual. If you're one who ends up capable of and comfortable with doing that, it's fine and may not be of concern to your guy but you are still young yet. Let some time go by and see how you feel down the road. You may actually be feeling more flattered by and responding to the idea of a woman wanting you that way because it is sexually arousing to you, even if she doesnt mean it to be. Our minds are the greatest sex organ we have and there is a lot of input that goes in and then becomes sexual fantasies, lots of imaginings based around only a few actions, words or such.
So I vote for saying nothing unless you'd like her to stop touching you totaly and bring just that up. Cus for all you know this may just be more of an imagined fantasy in your head. And thats fine. If she doesnt fantasize this way, it might be a terrible thing for her to know you thought she was hitting on you. It would make her feel uncomfortable and confused around you and could ruin the friendship. It can't be considered being false with a person just because we don't share all our sexual fantasies or imaginings with everyone we've imagined about. This is a part of us better kept private except for your mate and lover where the two of you choose subject matter and fantasize them together. Really think about it, if every guy who has ever even briefly in any way told you that they fantasized about you sexually or imagined you flirting with them, or just kissing them, wouldn't it be uncomfortable or overwhelming? None of us could handle it well cus lots of that attention would be from people we aren't attracted to that way and would probably gross us out. Trust me, this is better kept quiet and enjoyed privately if you enjoy it or ignored if you dont like it, or ask her to not touch if you can't just ignore it.
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As you said, you both are in relationships so before you even go down that path of talking to her do you feel talking about this could change your friendship is what you need to ask yourself? And what will you do if you find out she does have feelings or maybe even doesn't? These are things you do need to think about before even talking to her. Because if you know it's going to change your friendship and you don't want to be with her (because you're happy with who you're with) it's better to avoid the convo. Especially when she is with someone too. Because this is a complex situation I can't really give you advice only kind of guide you too. So think about the effects of talking to her about it and how you feel about her. Hopefully the decisions you make work out for you.
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