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My friend thinks she's ugly and fat
My best friend thinks she's fat and ugly and I don't know how to tell her that she's not. Sure, she's a bit overweight and she's not the prettiest person I know, but I wouldn't call her ugly. She always asks me for the truth if she's ugly or not and I say she's not, but she doesn't believe me. Please give me a way to tell her properly about her looks without hurting her feelings!
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Its a typical reaction, asking but not believing someone close to you. We tend to think, she has to say something nice cus she's by friend, she has to say something positive cus she's my mom or he has to say something complementing cus he's my husband/boyfriend...
She may find it easier to believe coming from strangers, or lets say from some videos i am putting links here for. Everything adviceman said is right. She is suffering from a low self image. The majority of females do. Unfortunately young males also tend to buy into the impossible to meet images we are bombarded with in media and advertising. A good amount of young boys look only for the perfect airbrushed model type because they are responding out of lust and haven't figured out yet that it's not even real. Some guys even think they arent as handsome as male actors which again is made up.
Here's the first by Laci Green, she has lots other good helpful videos for young people.
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Laci mentioned how airbrushed photo shopped photos of models make us believe that humans can actually look that perfect. It's all falsified by machine. Heres an article on it with a video just over a minute long that shows on fast speed how quickly, easily and drastically they changed the look of the model.
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
And...when we are feeling sorry for ourselves no matter what about, it always helps to see that there is someone worse off than ourselves. There is a gal in her twenties who gives inspirational talks for a living. She can't do anything to improve her looks due to a condition she was born with but she after going through the rough stuff chose to have a good attitude, high self image and
and here is the link to that wonder young lady, Lizzie Velasquez.
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Show your friend these links. If that doesnt help shape up her thinking, then as was suggested by another, it might be a good idea for her to get in for counseling. However she'd have to talk to mom to get that kind of help if she is not an adult yet.
Good luck with that.
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Honey, if she believes she's not attractive, it won't matter how many times you tell her the opposite. She is asking you again and again because she's feeling sorry for herself and your telling her she isn't ugly won't do any good. What she needs to do is therapy, she needs to be guided by a professional if she really wants to overcome these feelings. Hope it helps a little! Try to encourage her to do therapy, this way I'm pretty sure you'll really help her :)
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The hardest thing to do is to answer the question you are being asked. In general terms you are either going to be accused of lying or being hurtful. This is a no win situation for you.
Without knowing your friend; I would say her biggest problem is one of low self-esteem. We are what we are. We can make it better by accepting who and what we are, to a certain extent. Meaning there are some things we cannot change and there are some things we can improve upon such as our education and work habits.
When it comes to our looks. We can control weight through proper diet and exercise. For women more than men there looks can be accentuated with proper clothing, hair styles and makeup.
In reality though our looks are just an outer wrapper to the package of our body. This wrapping in no way truly reflects who we are. Guys, especially young guys, look at the package, hoping to latch on to someone that looks like a cover girl thinking he is going to get a sex fiend. Fact is this usually not true and they end up disappointed or they get what they want and they are still disappointed because she has nothing between her ears.
There is though a happy medium and it starts with, especially women, having a good self-esteem. This is where I would start with answering your friends question.
I would say something to the effect like: "Shelly you are really a beautiful person. If you just had more inner beauty, more confidence in who you are. The outer beauty you have would come through. "Yes you could stand to lose a few pounds but that has to be up to you to do for yourself and will come easier when you feel better about yourself.
Now this is the part where you know her better than I could possibly know her. Though if she has low self-esteem then I would guess she does not take many pains with her appearance. Suggest to her that a new hair style and more stylish clothing would go a long way in improving her appearance. Stylish clothing does not have to be expensive designer brands. They can come for Wall-Mat or Kohl's as long as they fit good fit good are clean and well kept.
As I said not knowing your friend but if asked this question this is the approach I would most likely take if asked this question. I hope this helps.
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