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Feel Like Giving Up
My mother is abusive. She hits me and calls me stupid and worthless. My father never stops her. I've moved away from my home twice. My grandma, one of the only people to ever make me feel appreciated is dead. My little sister is dead. I have suffered through attempted rape three times. My grandfather is an alcoholic who disowned my family and I haven't seen him or my grandma in years. I was ridiculed and called a slut my entire childhood even though I've never even had sex. A boy broke my heart after making me open up and be myself for the first time in years. I am completely broken. No one cares about me. I haven't felt anything in years. I am emotionless to avoid being broken again. My question is: Where do I even begin to go from here? Can I love again if I try really hard?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
The first step towards moving on is letting someone become aware of these things. Tell a counselor, A friend or someone you trust that will listen to you.
Then you really should get yourself into counseling, Talk to someone who can help you learn the coping skills and direct you in the right direction.
I am not sure of your age but if you are in school, Try to see if maybe you can join after school activities, This will give you an opportunity to make friends but either way, You NEED to let someone know what is going on.
Yes, It is never to late to fall in love with someone but the way this happens is you fall in love when the time is right. You can't just fall in love because you want to fall in love right now. Try to get involved in the community, Seek some volunteer work. Try a hospital, An animal shelter or even a Senior center in your local area. This will keep you busy, It will help you become more social and get you out.
Don't focus so much on love or boyfriends, Right now you should focus on you. Focus on learning to heal, Learn to cope and move on but you start with reporting what is going on at home, Then you seek counseling and work your way towards a brighter future.
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I've been through some hard times myself so i know what you're going through. Don't ever let bad people make you bitter. There are still good people out there. You can't choose your family unfortunately but you can make the best of any situation. I know it's hard, but be strong because i believe one day you're gonna find the perfect man & you'll know it.
So don't sweat these little boys that come & go. Pain sucks, problems suck but one day you're gonna look back & know how strong you are. Your struggles have given you wisedom that surpass the experiences of most & one day you will be thankful for them because you can't appreciate a bright day unless you've had some dark nights. You are strong & you are a beautiful person. You will overcome this & you will be able to love again. Its never to late. You have your whole life ahead of you....trust me. I wish you luck & i will keep you in my thoughts. I wish i could help you get out of that situation. All i can say is i hope things get better for you. I hate that you have to go through all that. It breaks my heart even though i don't know you... No mother should ever be that way to her child. With that being said please take care! Stay strong, stay beautiful & remember that you are worthy of love.
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It would help to know your age in answering your question for there are specific places you can turn to for help based on your age.
Let's start with your PTSD. PTSD can be overcome it takes time and effort and the help of a professional psychologist trained in this area to help you.
Next let's talk about the attempted rapes'. You didn't say much about this, though this is something that needs professional help as well to get past. Also rape and sexual harassment has a statute of limitations which is generally 5 years. Closure may come by prosecuting who ever attempted to rape you. If the person who did this to you was an adult and you were a minor at the time; then there may not be a statute of limitation as this is considered pedophilia. What I would like you to do is call an organization called RAINN. RAINN stands for Rape, Incest, Abuse, National Network. Their number is 1-800-656-HELP.
This Online Hotline provides live, secure, anonymous crisis support for victims of sexual violence, their friends, and families. The Online Hotline is free of charge and is available 24 hours per day, 7 days per week!
After you have spoken with one of their trained volunteers they will work with you to find the help you need in your home town. You can discuss with them not only the rape but the abuse you have been getting from your mother.
If you are still in school you can also speak to a trusted teacher or your school principal about the abuse, and the raped. There are procedures they must follow mandated by the state when a student comes to them with these type problems. Your teachers and principal are responsible for your well-being as well as your education. You can also tell them about your PTSD and they will get you help for that as well.
To answer your question: Can you ever love again? The answer is yes; it will take some time and some hard work on your part with the right professionals. With their help you will learn to trust again and with trust you will learn to love again.
The biggest step you need to take is asking for help from the right people. That help is as close as your phone and calling RAINN or talking with a trusted teacher.
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First off, let me say that I am truly sorry for the things you have gone through. I can only imagine what you must be feeling.
That being said, you really can overcome this, even if it doesn't feel like it right now.
The first thing you have to realize is that none of this is your fault in any way. And while at times it may feel like no one cares about you, I can assure you that someone out there does. For example, even the fact that people respond to your question means that people who have never even met you care. How powerful of a thought is that?
One thing I would advise for sure is that you seek out the help of a professional counselor or therapist. They can help you with your emotional state and the PTSD.
Understand that you and only you have the power to determine how you feel. This is because you have the power to decide whether or not you will let others dictate how you feel. Just because your family is screwed up doesn't mean you have to be.
You are clearly a survivor and as such you can get past this.
As far as the boy who broke your heart and where you can begin from here. Just know that this is a natural part of life, it happens to all of us at one time or another. Use the situation to make yourself stronger. After all, you cannot love somebody without making yourself somewhat vulnerable.
So yes, you can love again. Just don't rush into anything and let it happen, you'll get there.
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