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humorist-workshop
A little between drugs &' friends.
Okay, my name is Allison. I am 15 years old. So, this year I started being friends with a bunch of drugies. &' I really love it. They have gotten me into all of that stuff. My ex-boyfriend is named Sam. He was the reason why that all happened. When he first asked me out I was so excited. We are an on &' off again kinda thing. He was my first that I slept with. &' only so... But, the reason I am Telling you all of this is because my dad doesn't want me to see Sam anymore &' he says my friends are bad influences. What should I do?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
It's tough having friends who your parents don't approve of, but what this issue really comes down to is the level in which your father trusts you, and what you have done to earn or sacrifice that trust. See if you can put yourself in his shoes: he wants to keep you safe, you've started hanging out with people that do drugs, and drugs are not safe. You are his daughter, and you've started having sex. These are scary things to deal with as a parent, and he’s reacting in a way that he thinks is best.
In my opinion, your friends ARE bad influences. That doesn't mean they’re bad people, and that doesn't mean they aren't “good” friends to you, in your definition of the word good. But the point is, their friendship has influenced you to get involved in drugs, and drugs are bad for you. That’s not an opinion on the matter, it is a fact: while drugs may make you feel good, chill out, bond with friends, they’re bad for your health. It is your father’s job as a parent to keep you healthy and teach you to make good decisions. In his eyes, you are making a decision that risks your health, and are therefore not making a good decision, so he’s taking matters into his own hands.
But you’re fifteen. That’s not being an adult, but it also makes it virtually impossible for your father to keep an eye on you at all times of day, and therefore unrealistic that he could expect you to just stop being friends with people because he demands it. Though it’s a nice thought that he thinks you might listen to him.
I would recommend trying to go for a compromise, but my advice is inherent to you WANTING your dad to trust you. If you aren't willing to earn his trust, your entire question is pointless, because there is nothing that will truly help in the long run. Having a parent trust you will give you more freedom, a closer relationship, and better communication. So, my advice is to ask your dad if you could still see these friends as long as it is under his roof, under his observation. No drugs, no sex, just you and your friends. If this isn't something that you’d consider, ask yourself: why am I friends with these people, and why am I not willing to hang out with them without the aid of substances? (I’m not sure if this would be the case, but I figured I’d cover all my bases.)
That all being said, I have to implore you to reconsider these drugs you've been taking, whatever they are. Drugs are well liked by many because most of them calm you down, chill you out, and cause you to forget your problems. They slow you down. At your age, it is imperative to have a drive to succeed. If you forget your problems, you forget to CARE about your problems, and you don’t learn to overcome them. This is a crucial part of your life to discover who you are and who you want to be, and with a foggy mind, you will find down the road you may have missed a step because you weren't paying attention. I can tell you from personal experience it is extremely possible to have friends who do drugs and not partake in them yourself. If they are true friends, they’ll accept that about you. Please, don’t take this as some cranky adult judging your ways or scolding your habits, just as a person who’s seen it happen and doesn't like what she sees.
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It's time to wake up. There is nothing cool about doing drugs. Your friends sooner or later will realize this or suffer life-altering problems later or ones that bring fort death. There is nothing glamorous about that lifestyle.
Real friends don't lead people into a world of drugs. If you love this than you really need help. Your father is right about the boyfriend and your choice of friends and activities. If only he knew. You need to obey him and start thinking if these people and drugs is where you see yourself. Are you doing it to fit in? At either rate you aren't seeing how self-destructive any of this is. That startles me.
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What exactly are you asking when you say "what should I do?" Are you asking for someone to tell you how to get around the law that dad laid down?
Are you asking whether you should obey dad or go ahead and disobey?
We all feel pretty grown up from about age 13 on but the truth be told, only our bodys may appear fully matured, but our brains have a long way to go yet and that affects our ability to see things as an adult brain would. Therefore no matter how much we want the freedom to make our own decisions, its not a good idea, even tho at 18 we are considered adults.
Just bear with me, I know you want to do your own thing and continue to hang out with Sam and other druggies and perhaps play with drugs yourself.But whatever I share with you is only in order to give you more info and perspectives so you can make your best decision. I know that even though Dad made his wishes known that you also can choose to not follow it and hide it from him.
So in reality, the decision here to comply and trust dad or not is your own. Please read on.
The prefrontal cortex, is a section of the brain that weighs outcomes, consequences,forms judgments and controls impulses and emotions. This section of the brain also helps people understand one another. The prefrontal cortex section of the brain in teens is still a little immature as compared to adults; and it doesn't fully develop until your mid-20s.
This has been scientifically proven to be a fact. If thats the case, then would you say that you feel 100% sure that you can make a better decision for yourself than any rational level headed adult? I sure as heck know I couldn't at your age and neither could my friends. I wasn't able at age 20 to be mature enough to see things that others did. I married someone at 20, who turned out to be abusive. I was not mentally mature enough in my brain to make these decisions totally on my own and didn't want to listen to input from any family, cus of course I felt I knew better. I know its a drag to not be making 100% of your decisions without any input from other sources to help guide you to the best decisions. Looking back, boy do I wish I had listened to everyone at age 20, even 22 when almost everyone who knew me was suffering verbal abuse from trying to protect me from the husband who verbally abused me. Even at 22, I still couldnt see that the decisions I was making to stay with him were not in my best interest.
When your dad said they are bad influences, I'd have to agree, based on the meaning on dictionary.com for the word "influence" below
in·flu·ence
[in-floo-uhns]
noun
1.
the capacity or power of persons or things to be a compelling force on or produce effects on the actions, behavior, opinions, etc., of others: He used family influence to get the contract.
2.
the action or process of producing effects on the actions, behavior, opinions, etc., of another or others: Her mother's influence made her stay.
By your own admission, "They have gotten me into all of that stuff." By that statement I would assume you are saying that before hanging out with Sam and the other druggie friends, that you were not into 'all of that stuff', whatever you meant by "Stuff". Since I do not know what stuff you've gotten into doing, I can't tell how much you have allowed yourself to change if at all. If you haven't yet, just keep in mind, there's no time machine to help you go back and do it over if you get it wrong.
As for Sam feeling special, females find it hard to break up because no matter if good or bad influence, or treats you well or abuses you, an emotional connection was established with the intimacy with another person, and that emotional connection is what makes it hard to cut ties with totally, therefore the on and off again deal.
I am not sure what else I can say that might help you choose to go along with dad.
What is it that draws you to the druggie friends versus the non druggie kids? Is it that they're less boring, there's a thrill or excitement, more fun? You just may be a person who needs something more exciting for hobbies or past times, adrenaline producing, some extreme sports or whatever that is not bad but not as boring as the average kids.
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