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Is this bullying?
There's this girl who is my "friend" but sometimes she is such a bully and makes me cry. Then, she'll go right back to being "nice". I try to avoid her but I can't. Is this bullying? What can I do? I've tried confronting her but it hasn't worked. Anyone have an idea? All advice welcome. :)
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First of all, how can you consider her a friend if she makes you cry? As for whether she is a bully or not depends on what she does to you, does she hurt you physically, for example? Try not to see this girl, what she does to you is wrong. A friend does not make you cry, they're supposed to support you, help you, uplift you when you're down and so on. Hope it helps you a little :)
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I can't say for sure if she is bullying you or not because you didn't give any examples besides saying that she is a bully and makes you cry.
She definitely could be. If she is making you cry by actually hurting you physically, she's definitely a bully and you need to tell an adult.
If she's making you cry by making fun of you and trying to make you feel bad, then yes she is a bully.
If she says hurtful things, but isn't actually trying to hurt your feelings then you should probably have another talk with her.
You don't need to "confront" her. You just need to sit her down and tell her that this, this and this is hurting you and you'd like it to stop. If it doesn't stop, then you should probably not hang out with her anymore.
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Since you didn't give a few examples of whats being done or said, it's hard for me to answer whether it is really bullying. But according to articles i read online, verbal abuse and emotional abuse and physical abuse are all forms of bullying. Studies have shown that an alarming amount of both boys and girls do at least the verbal bullying which is hard to prove if not witnessed by someone in authority.
Again, more studies point to the fact that it is a learned thing, learned at home. Since you've confronted her about it and it hasn't worked, when it involves children being bullied, what I read online stresses that it is important to bring the parents in on it so they can do what they can to help and talk to school officials.
I will share that I was verbally abused by kids in school. I was very shy and didn't have a strong self esteem and took things too personally.
So even a good natured teasing by a good friend would make me uncomfortable. Today as an adult as I hear similar things said to me, I realize that half of what I struggled with was not bullying but joking around. There is such a thing as intent behind the words and the tone of voice in which it is said, things kids & young adults still lack the skills to identify easily. But I will admit too that from what I saw a daughter of mine go through in school, bullying is more widespread today than in my time.
It doesnt sound like she is part of a group attacking you, just the one individual. If so, perhaps there can easily be a solution found to the problem. This girl may come from a home not as nice as yours. She may hear lots of yelling and verbal put downs directed at her and siblings from very stressed parents who dont think about what they are doing when they feel a need to release stress and do the wrong thing by dumping on the kids. She may not know any better. To her, this is normal every day behavior and she would not have any idea how to act different. Many kids don't realize that there are other ways people live, until they are visiting at their friends homes. I taught my kids that kids who picked on them likely had miserable lives at home and were acting out all they know so it's not really a personal attack. My daughters were taught to not take what is said personally. If it is a statement that is made to make you upset, you can verbally reject that by saying "I reject that. It's more important for your subconscious mind to hear that. They only have power over you if you choose to believe their words. The moment you entertain a statement they make or think it over too long in your mind, it will take home there and you begin to feel miserable. Tell your mom first. I dont know how old you are but perhaps your mom can find a way to invite this girl over to your house and with mom listening from behind closed or keeping an eye out can spot what is going on. Perhaps if this girl sees how your family treats each other, she will realize there is a different way to cope with life and other ways to interact with and treat others. Or your mom could say, Annie, that is not how we treat each other in this house. While you are here, I will expect you to talk nicely to all of us and being loving and supportive instead.
It's not silly and it worked at the younger ages. I did this often for my girls when they were young. Part of what made them feel strong enough to stand against anything abusive that came their way was having a mom who understood, was supportive and got involved. You know that saying, "There's strength in numbers" ?? I believe its true. Right now you are alone in this with no one on your side. Get Mom to help.
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