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Dealing with jealously
The situation is that, I have a best friend, who is in cliche kind of way, almost perfect. She's good at sports and maintains one of the best grades in school. She's also very nice.
It's because she's way too nice, it makes me very hard to resent her. I'm fine with being ignored but they kept calling me her lackey when I'm not; I try my best in keeping up expectations as the 'perfect''s friend but it gets so frustrating when I am giving it all but I still can't keep up with her and always being second best. I mean, she does everything with such little effort that I can't help felt that she's the genius and i'm the failed subject.
I've been coping with that for over 4 years but just half a year ago, she started dating with my crush whom she knew I like but thought I had got it over with. Being a socially awkward person, I kept my mouth shut and wished her the best because she did apologize when they started dating. But I really can't help but feel so jealous and irritated by her.
It got to the point where I wanted to scream at her and back-stab her so hard that it hurts. But I don't want to do that, we've been friends since middle school and I don't want to ruin that friendship for my petty emotions.
So the question is, how do I deal this? This pent up frustration and envy is so much that I swear I would explode anytime now.
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Hey there :)
I think you are a nice person.
Firstly I think you should try and deal with your shyness - You could join some hobby classes like dancing, singing or even dramatics - any hobby that makes you feel happy learning and it should involve a group of people with whom you can start talking to. Try talking to people - initiate it. If you have any siblings seek their help. Try interacting with their friends. You just need to be confident. And confidence is something you'll gain by wearing nice clothes - clothes that make you feel good and happy and your feeling good in your skin is a big boost of confidence. Try to smile when greeting people. Do try not to shut yourself out when you're among people.
Secondly, dealing with your jealousy - I think most girls are jealous of their friends rather than of strangers. It's a common thing. Please don't beat your head about it. I even tell my friends I'm jealous if I like, say something like their dress, shoes, parents - anything :)
Please don't let your best friend be the whole part of your school life. And don't keep comparing yourself to her in every aspect. She's she and you are you. Never forget that. You are unique in some way. Like I said hobby classes help shape you - you'll get to be good at something.
For your studies I think you should try taking extra coaching if you are lagging behind in any subject. Work a little on that. Get your parents to help you.
Always try to be confident and wear a smile on your face. People like smiley and confident people more. You just need to build your confidence.
As far as your crush is concerned, you can try and be friends with him, you don't know what kind of a guy he is. Most of the time we girls listen to other people's opinions and we think some guy is great. He probably isn't like that. You can start by being friends with him. But be on a look out, you might just find your right guy somewhere near you.
I think you need to try and talk to your friend about you feeling jealous. Trust me, friends solve our problems like no one else :)
All that said I just want to say one thing - Equip yourself for easing your life but don't forget to be yourself.
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You have every right to feel the way you do. Just know that, but don't hold onto it.
You're allowed to be upset that she is dating your crush.
If she truly is a good friend to you, then this is your problem and she doesn't deserve the resentment.
My friend is in a similar situation and she was talking about it to me not too long ago. She's really close to one girl, who she considers perfect because she's so beautiful and nice to everyone and gets asked out by lots of guys, not because of how she dresses or because she's a "bad girl" but because she's so sweet and pretty. She said she felt ugly when she was next to her and other people would come up to her.
I think the best way to deal with it is to not spend so much time with her. I know you guys are best friends, but in order to be best friends, you need to get back to being actual friends. You're holding things against her and it's not a friend quality. So step back, take a break from her for a bit and let yourself move past this.
If she doesn't treat you like a good friend should, then you should reevaluate your friendship. But if this just how you're feeling, then give yourself some time to learn and love yourself.
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Well, i think it s normal that you feel that way. Because she s dating a guy you liked and that s not right. Even if you were over it, she should have asked you first if you were okay with it. So, you have the right to feel mad. And about the rest. Don t be so hard on yourself. Nobody s perfect. We all have flaws. And i thinK if you relax a little, you ll feel better. Don t try to be perfect cause it s impossible and you ll just get frustrated and feel worse. Just try to find something that makes you feel good. That makes you feel home. Best of luck
Coop
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