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WHAT DO I DO
Question Posted Wednesday August 21 2013, 3:37 pm
Hi there my cousin and i have been together for 6 yrs secretly we hve a 5 yr old daughter together and no one knows about it weve managed to keep it a secret this long but late last year she decided to end it recently saying she cant pretend anymore and alota people will get hurt if they found out i know shes my cousin but i just fell in love with her and even now im stil madly in love with her i havent seen or spoken to her in a month now and im heartbroken is it true u cant choose who u fall in love with? and i miss my daughter too and ive Also been told by people shes been seen with another guy this is just a very big mess at the moment i dont know what to do
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I'm so sorry if this is late. Ive had so much on my plate lately. Well lets take being cousins out of it for a minute. She is tired of keeping secrets. All she wants to do is to have a clear mind set and heart. Holding things in can be very stressful no matter how minor or or major. I'm pretty sure she still has feelings for you for sure. You have a magnificent child together. You just need to allow her to do whats she needs to and then come in with a open heart. Be honest ask her what is missing in the relationship and how you both can achieve what you want.
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Hi there,
Stop asking this over again.
You already asked this here:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
... and it has been answered.
Thanks.
]
Hi there,
You already asked this here:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
... and it has been answered.
Thanks.
]
It'd help you if you tried to look at this situation from not your point of view or your cousins-but your daughters.
Many people on here will tell you 'ew' or 'that's disgusting' or whatever. However,you can't change what has happened and you can't help what your feelings are-so ignore any negative comments.
Focus on your daughter. Is it healthy do you think for her to grow up, not knowing who the father is, but also feeling like she is part of a secret.
For the sake of her, you have to stop pretending. You know what, you may lose your friends or whatever. But you don't want to carry on living your life as one big lie. Because life is more precious than that. You have suffered enough-but if you carry on with this big secret, your daughter will be the one suffering too.
I think you basically need a new start in life. Move away from your family/friends with your cousin. They have every right to think what you and your cousin have done is gross. But you have every right to a happy life.
So the best thing you can do now is to support the mother of your child and of course your daughter. Sit down with the mother and ask what she really wants. She can't really stop you from seeing your own child-no one parent is dominant.
Keep in mind the whole time though, to focus on the needs of your child. Remain civil with your cousin, for the sake of your child. If she doesn't still want a relationship with you then that's something you'll have to accept.
If this is the case, make arrangements to see YOUR child and create a new life for yourself. Find someone who'll love you for you, advance in a career.
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First of all you have a child together and regardless of how others feel how she feels and what people may think it's your child as well as hers. You have every right to be apart of your child's life. The mother of your child really chose a terrific time to suddenly have morals and a desire not to hurt others. Honestly it's too late. You need to do what you need to do legally to regain your rights as the child's father. If she didn't want to hurt others she should have considered that long ago.
Yes, it's true you can not control who you love but you also must not put yourself in a position to do things you may later regret. For example, I am married because of this I don't go out with other men because there is that possibility I develop feelings that had I maintained boundaries would never develop.
Long ago incest was not a moral delima but rather a genetic issue. Closely related people risk having children with mental and physical problems and this is why laws were originally in place to protect children. But if you think about it we are all cousins somewhere down the line. I'm not saying what you did is right or wrong but since she has moved on you should as well and just focus on being a good father. Eventually the truth will come out and at the very least it will eat away at you not being able to be the father you want to be. I would just obtain my legal rights and let people assume whatever they want. You two are no longer together so the gossip will most likely be harsh and hurtful for away but before you know it the gossip will shift to someone and something else.
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I think I saw your question, you live in New Zealand correct? I don't know the laws there about being with your cousin as I live in America and that would be illegal here.
So I'm gonna put that aside, and start with your daughter. Did she take your daughter with her? If so, that's where you get a lawyer involved because I'm sure you want to be in your child's life.
You can't bring her back and make her want to be with you. So if she's trying to move on, so should you.
So get your life back on track and get out there and move on. Work on getting back into your child's life.
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