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My boyfriend called me a bitch
I'm a 24 yr old female, my boyfriend and I just got into a fight. I'm having female issues and don't want to have sex like I used to. He threw a tantrum bc I didn't want to be tickled. He really hurt my feelings by what he said so naturally I started crying. I went to get situated to sleep on the couch. I had to turn on lights to get blankets n pillows. I was moving stuff n he got mad bc the light was on. He slammed the door n called me a bitch. I broke down, I am completely heart broken. We r working on yr 5 of our relationship, not married, this has never happened before. I don't know what to do. Please help.
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Hi there,
As I read this, I see two likely possibilities:
1.) He is the emotionally unstable psychotic abuser-in-training you have described here. This would mean that everything has been perfect, up until he tried tickling you, then he freaked out like someone flipped a switch.
If that is true, then this relationship is most likely over unless you both find your way to counseling immediately.
If he won't go see someone with you, then it is time for you to leave before things get worse.
2.) The second thing I see as a possibility is that this was a pressure release from something that has been building for a long time. In my experience, this is more likely that the first.
Would you mind if I told you a story? About 3 years ago a woman posted a question nearly identical to yours. The ages were different, and such, but the theme was identical. He tried to do something as innocent as hug her, she told him she didn't want to be hugged, and he flipped the hell out on her.
She came on here, and painted the worst possible picture of him, so that people would tell her how bad he was and how she deserved better. She did this without realizing what she was doing. In fact, because she hadn't communicated her feelings to him for years, she had no idea why he flipped out, and thought she was right to vilify him by telling only one side of the story... because she had NO idea there was another side to the story.
Now, there are a LOT of questions like this posted here. I mean a LOT. The reason this one particular one sticks out in my mind is that she responded with more details in feedback to people who had answered her, and then asked dozens of followup questions.
By the time the actual truth came out, this is what REALLY happened:
They had been together about as long as you two have. She changed BC pills, and lost all sex drive. (More common than you would believe)
For him, flipping out came after over two years of patience, and love while he tried to get her to seek help for the problem.
They had had sex 3 times in two years by this point, and that, as it turns out wasn't the problem. You see, she told him that he wasn't allowed to pleasure himself because that would make her feel bad that she wasn't doing it. He wasn't allowed to watch porn, because that would make her feel bad.
So, pretty much she told him he could find sexual release only on her terms, and no more than 1.5 times per year.
Now, what would you think of a man who told his wife that she was forbidden to please herself, couldn't fantasize, and was only allowed sex (and I mean bad sex at that) 1.5 times per year?
He would be a rotten bastard, wouldn't he?
So, if a woman called him a rotten bastard and flipped the hell out on him... you would completely understand, wouldn't you?
Now, I am not saying that this is what happened in your relationship, but it is within a couple words of identical to a previous situation that ended up like that.
If this is similar to your situation, have you talked this out with him, or is he completely in the dark as to why you are no longer interested in him like you used to be?
Imagine what it would be like if he suddenly stopped having sex with you, wouldn't tell you why, and just basically shunned you in the bedroom? How would you feel? If it went on long enough, you think it is possible you would freak out?
As for him calling you a bitch... well, that shouldn't have happened. This should have been dealt with a long time before it came to this.
I imagine that at some time in your life you held one emotion or another inside... until it overwhelmed you, right? If you say no, you would be the only one on the planet, so I am imagining you nodding your head right about now.
What SHOULD have happened here is this: He should have come to you, and told you that he feels like you aren't interested in him anymore, that you are shunning him in the bedroom and that he needs to know why you no longer love him or want to be intimate with him.
At that point, you two, if you were willing to be honest with him, and if you even know why this is happening (most people with the hormone swap have no idea why, and may not notice at all how COLD they are being) you could have told him, or told him you had no clue.
Then you could have, together, as a couple sought professional help.
If you refused to do anything about it, he should have walked away from the relationship until such time as you decided to take responsibility for your mental and physical health.
Odds are, that would have given you an idea that this was, indeed, a big deal to him.
Regardless of what might have been, there is still time. Talk with him, and tell him all of this from your end. Let him know what is going on with you, tell him how hurt you are, and ask him why it came to him blowing up like that. You may be surprised at the answer.
He needs to have empathy for your situation, and you need to have empathy for his. This is what being in any kind of relationship is really about. Without that empathy, it is all doomed to failure eventually.
I would love to tell you how the other questioner's situation ended up, but first I would like to hear what you have to say about all this. Please let me know, in feedback or a new question, if this is sounding in any way familiar to your situation.
Either way, there is hope if you both actually love each other.
Common misconception, by the way, is that when a guy flips out at you for some reason like this it means he doesn't love you. That is not often true. If he didn't love you, he would have most likely walked away from you by now, rather than put up with the stress he is, by your question here, obviously keeping inside.
We both know there is probably more to this story... so see if you can find out why this happened, and perhaps it can be fixed.
I wish you both the best, going forward, and look forward to your response.
DN.
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No no no. This guy does not respect you as a girlfriend or as a woman. He needs to understand that sometimes the female body doesn't allow for sex ALL the time, and on top of that he needs to respect your wishes when it comes to sex. Also, he should not be calling you any names. A relationship depends on mutual respect. Like the other person that answered said, this is a form of manipulation to get what he wants, and if it goes on it could become mental or even physical abuse. I would recommend talking to him fist, let him know what your body does and does not allow you to do and that calling you names really hurts your feelings. If he's willing to work on it then great, if not then you may want to think about your future with him.
Remember that who you are with and who you choose to share you body and life with is totally up to you. Dont ever feel obligated to stay with someone just because you've been with them for a while. Think about yourself first!
Best wishes.
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He is using violence as a form of manipulation, He knows his a tions will make you sadden and eventually guilt trip you into getting what he wants. There is no exception to his poor behavior, Calling someone a bitch is wrong. You are having personal issues, You are entitled to have moments and not want to engage in sexual intercourse. You may want to calmy talk to him, express your hurt by his actions and words. If he is angered then perhaps you may of just been introduced to who he really is and may need to reevaluate..
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