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utterly confused: We are in relationships with other people... BUT...
To start out, I am 20/F. My boyfriend of 6 years is 21. We have lived together since we were really young, about 17/18 years old. Our relationship has been practically perfect, we have always been best friends and we get along great. This summer, however, I went away to work at an internship. This wasn't the first time we had been apart for long, in fact, we dated for a year long distance, so being away at camp was nothing compared to that. But at this internship, I met another guy. We became great friends, and felt a really REALLY strong connection to each other. He is married, and I of course am in a serious relationship, so we never let our relationship go further than really close friends... until the last night, we shared our feelings that we really really like each other, but we have to continue on with our "real lives" because we are both happy with our SO's. So we parted ways, and now... everything feels different. I get frustrated easily with my boyfriend, I feel like I am no longer attracted to him, and I am somewhat bored. Furthermore, I feel smothered... I guess at this camp I learned that I am still so young, and I still have so much to experience.
It's only been a week since I got back, so I know everything is still very new, but I can't stand the feeling that everything is going downhill. I still keep in contact with the other guy, and we care about each other very much. I can't stand the feeling that I am making my boyfriend jealous when I talk to this guy, even though I never cheated on him or even thought about cheating on him. My boyfriend obviously suspects that I like this guy, and that he is losing me... and the worst part is, I don't even really want a relationship with the other guy, he's married and I would never want to ruin that, but I can't help feeling this connection to him that I have never had with anyone else.
I just want everything to go back to how it was before. I feel like everything is so complicated now, when before, i had everything figured out. To make things worse, my bf and I share so much more than just a relationship, we also have an apartment together, pets, bills, debts, etc etc. This makes me feel even more tied down and I don't know what to do. I know I need to wait longer and feel the situation out a little bit more, but I can't stand the feeling that I am hurting my boyfriend in the meantime. I want to tell him everything that I am feeling, but at the same time, I feel like that would only make the situation worse, since we are not at a point where we would just break up.
Any advice?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
So you pretty much had chemistry with someone else. This kind of thing happens every once in awhile, even when you're in a happy relationship. That's why people cheat.
You need to get your head together and sort out your feelings. Your boyfriend already thinks you like him, so that's not good. For now, don't talk to this other guy. It won't help you figure out how you feel. Plus he's married and keeping in touch with him isn't worth it. It could just end his marriage or ruin your relationship.
So just give yourself some time and you'll figure out what you really want. Either you'll want to continue your current relationship or be single.
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Well, you like this other guy? Or at least deeply care about this guy? Your boyfriend seems to be picking up on that. He feels threatend that this other guy might being stealing you away. He's married and you are in a deeply commited relationship. You need to forget about him, like you said, your boyfriend and you have so much together. Do you still love your boyfriend? If you do, It will work out. You should talk to him, If you do love him assure him that you do. But I agree, telling him could make it worse... I'm sorry I can't do more. I hoped this helped to some extent... Good Luck
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You told a story that is basic biological body responses that can and will happen several times throughout your life and it does not matter if you are single or in a committed relationship. It doesnt matter if the relationship is a poor one or a wonderful one. I am talking about chemistry/instant attraction to someone. This happens to individuals who are not unhappy, not looking for someone else, but happens quite unexpectedly...I know. It has happened a handful of times in my life. Sometimes, it's just the meeting of eyes and you can tell by looking at his that the other person felt/is feeling the same thing you are. But the situation at that momemt is not perfect for you to have a chance to do as you did and speak. Others do get a chance to speak. What people who are truly single will do is likely start dating. If in committed relationships, they either have an affair on the spot or exercise self control and do nothing other than interact as friends. Which is what you did. Good girl!
Now for your situation, you said both of you were happy with your SO's. Or at least you thought you were. We don't know what the married mans true situation with his wife is. Perhaps it is the best most perfect match possible for him and it would be best for him to keep you in perspective and not allow himself to become too close to you in keeping in touch. Or maybe they have a great friendship, but the chemistry was missing and he did not know until he met you.
You could be in the same situation. The thing is to not over re-act. Give yourself some time. You have the experience of the other man fresh in your mind yet. But at the same time, evaluate what you have with your SO. Your subconscious mind is where all feelings and emotions come from. But it can be impulsive like a child. There is such a thing as NRE new relationship energy that is not what the true status will be once it wears off. It could be your subc. mind just registers the excitement of having met him and that seems stronger than what you have with your SO. I don't know how often you've been in touch in the weeks, but if its daily or several times a day, you gotta give your guy a break, that would look excessive to even me if I were in his shoes and give me cause to worry. Put yourself in his shoes, he went somewhere, met a gal who is married, comes back and starts chatting during the next couple days with her on line...don't tell me it wouldn't bother you. Yes, he's feeling something, whether worry, insecure or jealous, who knows. If you value him, pay him a little extra attention. Push yourself through it. Even if you see images of the other guy when you pay your guy attention. You need to be absolutely sure of your situation. Give it some time and see how you feel after a month. If you still feel that now that you have a comparison of what a real chemistry feels like and you realize you don't have it with your guy...then the fairest thing to do is let him know and start seeing other people while you switch to room-mate status and work on finding a different living arrangement. Very few people at your age of having met, find the person they will be with for life. Most people like myself, because of our inexperience at that age, think we've found the perfect person but because we have not dated around and experienced many people, we really lack perspective and experience. I married the first guy I met who seemed interested in me. We were a total mismatch for 30 yrs of marriage. Only you will really know what to do.
Perhaps fate brought this situation along for you to realize you have no chemistry with the guy you're with so that you would end it. Then you'd be free to go looking for a guy who is not married, whom you feel the same things you did with the married guy. Keep things in perspective tho...not just feelings based...he must also be your best friend and treat you well. Good luck dear.
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