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Ex-friend is still ruining my life
19/f
One of my former best friends from high school and I had a huge fight at the end of our senior year. It ended our friendship. It's hard on me because she constantly talks about me/posts things about me on her blog when this all went down over a year ago. I need to move on and not be so bitter and angry over it anymore, but I don't know how to start. How can I get over this and not allow her to affect my life and how I'm feeling anymore?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
The best way to start is to let her go. You still look at her blog or at least someone is telling you about what she's posting on her blog. It's hard to let these things go, but to be able to stop being so bitter and angry about the stupid things she's done, is to just let go.
I would say the first step is to cut her out of your life, and then forgive her. You don't have to go directly to her and forgive her but just in your head. It's easier to move on when you've forgiven someone for something they've done. But take your time on that.
I had a friend in high school. I liked his best friend but he liked me while he was on a break with his girlfriend. I ended up dating his friend and he went to all our friends and talked trash on us. I was always so bitter and angry for the things he said that weren't true. I ended up going to his page and reading all the dumb things. Once I stopped doing that, I started to get over it and realize he was just immature.
His girlfriend messaged me one day because my old friend had missed us. He wanted to be friends again and hang out, ect. She was trying to convince me to be his friend again. I told her that I did forgive him, even though he said terrible things and did some awful stuff, but I didn't want to be friends with him. She told me that isn't forgiving someone. But I did, and I just didn't want a friend like him in my life.
So just cut her out, don't talk about her and move on and be happy.
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Zane is right. I just want to give a real life example that all turns out well.
At one point, my abusive ex agreed to a divorce but when it came right down to it, he didn't want me to leave and wouldn't cooperate so I left and went far. I had a few close friends in our circle of friends who did not believe the horrible things he started saying about me once I was gone. She sent me a sample of an email everyone got. I am sure he posted stuff elsewhere on the internet. She only sent the sample because I didn't believe her. She just wanted me mentally prepared for the time I would return, which I did as my grown daughters lived in the area too. Yes, there were people who believed him. I was never close with them anyways. What I discovered was that those who believed him were the ones who really knew me the least or they would have known it was nothing but vengeful stories. They would have known my true character and never have been even the slightest tempted to wonder if there was any truth to it. So I stood strong. The whole battle is in your mind. It was easy once I was several states away. Once I was back, I let my mind briefly entertain the thoughts of wondering how people would receive me once they knew I was back. It's amazing what entertaining those thoughts can do to you emotionally. At once I felt the anger you feel, betrayed by so called ex and friends. But I didn't like how it made me feel so I made a choice to look at it for what it was, souls who were less mature than myself and had every right to move through life more slowly and not mature and grow at all if they wished. God doesn't force us to change or we wouldn't have a free will. Once I realized it was about free will, I couldn't be angry with other adults who spiritually were more at the two year old stage. Its all about how you choose to think.
So Every time such a thought comes along, you have to retrain yourself how to think. It's stinking thinking. It comes from your subconscious mind where all our emotions and feelings are controlled by. Give yourself a pep talk. Tell yourself that your ex best friend has every right to be immature and not grow up. That there is nothing you can do to change her or any other human who might believe her. And any acquaintances or friends who choose to believe her, weren't worth being your friend to begin with. Tell yourself she's actually doing you a favor by weeding out the weak people from your life. Go out and make new friends and cherish the ones who never fell for her lies.
I was actually surprised how rumor spread that I was back and couples actually chose to call me and want to keep in touch with ME not him. It becomes even more obvious to those who were undecided about what was true or not when they see your behavior. Since I was not acting bitter or angry towards him or saying anything bad about my ex, the undecided quickly realized I was the guiltless party. They could pick it up in my energy, they could sense it even without words spoken. In fact quite a few people shocked me by revealing what they did not do while I was still with them. . . that he had made the moves on the wives of many couples trying to entice them to leave their husbands to be with him. Thats not the reason I left, he was abusive. One could make up a story. But when couples who didnt know each other were all giving me such stories, it was confirmation that as scary as my new path was, I did the right thing to leave him. You are doing the right thing wanting to move on. You may have to say "I reject these negative thoughts" every 10 minutes, maybe hourly maybe daily... but as time goes on, you will have retrained yourself and it becomes less and less until it no longer affects you.
Another trick is to actually be thankful to your ex friend for her betrayal because it provided you with an opportunity in life to learn how to forgive, to understand, to choose to learn a better way to think, etc... which would not be possible when all was honky dory. It's in the conflicts and battles that we learn to grow, not in times of peace. Good luck dear.
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Posting stuff about you? Why are you even looking at her page? You are giving her exactly what she wants. Block her, Ignore her and stop giving a shit about her stupidity. People who have to fill their satisfaction by bad mouthing other people are those who are insecure and have low self esteem. If you want to move on then ignore her drama and be mature enough to just move on with your life. Those who follow her drama are exactly like her, They also have growing up to do.
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