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How should I feel about our financial situation? What's the next step?
I know love is just supposed to be about love but realistically financial situations can easily ruin a relationship and I think it's already starting to tear apart mine.
Here's the deal. I've been with my boyfriend for a couple of months of now and we're doing really good. He's become my best friend and I almost believe he's my soul mate as silly as that sounds.
We'd never really fought before last night but I finally hit a weak point with him on the topic of money.
He's 21 and his parents pay for almost everything. He lives in an apartment outside his parents home and they pay for his schooling and rent. All he has to pay is like $100 a month for car insurance on the car that was given to him also by his parents and he doesn't even think he should have to pay that. He works about 25 hours a week at a local grocery store.
I work 40-60 hours a week and I'm 19. I pay $550 rent, $316 car payments, $180 car insurance, $50 cellphone bill, $150 groceries, gas and other living expensive all on my own. I don't have any help from my parents or family members.
Last week he decided not to go to work for a week. He didn't even take vacation he just didn't go so he didn't get paid today like he normally would. Well now he's saying he probably won't be able to see me this week unless I pick him up and that he's afraid the cash he has won't last him through the week for even himself and frankly that pisses me off.
He chose to not work and now he's realized he doesn't have any money and he's upset about it.
I wouldn't be so angry if he hadn't said I spend too much of my own money last night when I went over all of my finances with him (which isn't the first time it's been talked about) he kept saying that I was paying too much for them when clearly he doesn't understand how much it costs to actually support yourself.
Now it's like if I drive to him I pay for gas i pay for all of our meals I pay for everything. With that said I've been low on cash lately (I have $180 to last me until Friday) because he always wants to go out to eat for all of our meals and I almost always pay and I never had this issue before we started dating. I literally probably spend around $150 on him every week between eating out and gas for my car even with a hybrid.
On top of that I have the next week off which I'm taking vacation time for (I get paid) and just a couple nights ago we planned to go out of town. Now we can't go anywhere because he doesn't want to pay for anything and I'll be damned if I spend all of my money when he put himself in his financial situation so I'm probably going to spend the next week at home doing nothing.
What do you think I should do?
We'd talked about getting engaged in the close future and getting a place together but there's no way in hell I'm going to pay for everything and support him while he pulls crap like this.
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So pretty much he hasn't grown up yet. He's still figuring things out and depending on his parents.
I know people who are in their 20's and still trying to get their feet on the ground. But it's ridiculous if he's skipping work and expecting you to pay for everything.
Clearly, you both aren't on the same page. Before you jump to breaking up with him, talk to him again. Don't fight or argue. Just point out that you can't go out every week because you can't afford that.
Let him know that it is going to effect your relationship and you can't get married to someone who can't support himself.
If he can't understand that, then it's time to go. But if he agrees, then keep trying and see if he's making those changes.
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I think you should go on your own vacation.
Then I think you should break up with him.
Or better yet, dump him first, then take yourself on a vacation.
He's not an adult. You aren't able to have an adult relationship with him because he's not an adult. No one has ever asked him to be an adult before. He doesn't understand what he is demanding of you, or what you are asking of him.
You've been together for months. You aren't ready to get engaged to him, and you certainly can't live with him while he remains dependant on his parents.
So cut your losses. If you want to be kind, tell him exactly why.
Then take care of yourself. You are good at that. You don't need to take care of a man-child.
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He's basically a little boy in an adult body. His parents aren't helping by raising him the way they do with paying so much for him. People dont change overnight. In fact, once a person reaches adult hood as you both have, the patterns and habits have already been established and most people have trouble changing and growing in minor ways throughout life. Most never change anything in their entire life. <thats the sad reality.
So hon, what you see is what you get with him and most likely cant expect anything better out of him ever. If you want to be his "Mommy for life" and take care of him, go ahead. But remember that like little children, the world revolves around him in his mind. He will likely never be a real man and carry his share of the work in a relationship.
A man should want to love and take care of a woman for the rest of his life. He may say he loves you but he doesnt know what that is.
It takes two puttng in equal amount of effort and hard work which also includes being productive and that includes money, to make a relationship work. You probably wont be ever happy in the long run with a selfish man. There's a good chance the sex if okay now will get worse or he'll go looking for that elsewhere as long as he can keep you hooked and agree to help him be a "kept man"
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You two aren't on the same page, Clearly in this situation you are a bit more ahead then he is in life.
He is a financial burden to you, From what you wrote sounds like you are babysitting rather then being in a relationship with him. He isn't a man, He isn't mature and doesn't have a clue what love is. He isn't right for you, You both are on different chapters in life. He is dependent upon you because his parents shield him from responsibility. He hasn't grown up and he is treating your relationship the same way he treats his parents. By being dependant....
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