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Confused about love, Not sure if I can do it
OK! This will take some explaining so I apologize. I met these 2 guys at during Field season last year. One was my age (both 8th graders at the time) and the other one was a sophomore (3 years older than me). I got really super duper close to the guy my age. Like full on crushing. He sadly had to move half way across the country (very hard on me) and it turned out we both liked each other a lot. He doesn't know when he will be able to come back. He had told me that we have a very unique connection with each other, and he thinks I'm the one (I don't want any lectures on us being to young to feel that) but I can tell we are starting to grow apart a little bit. I have never been in a relationship before. I miss him a lot and I'm trying to move on for the times sake (I don't think I'll ever fully move on) Anyway, so he's been gone a few months now. I didn't know the other guy (The Sophomore) very well. After a performance for Band and Guard (I in Guard, he in Band) we started talking A LOT more. We text almost everyday. He's never had a GF, like me with a BF. Well, We've been talking a lot and I asked him what his favorite memory from last year was and he said it was meeting me, he's told me that I am very special and that he doesn't want to leave me when he graduates. We are both very shy and I ran into him at a music store twice. Both times he hugged me leaving (He gives very nice hugs btw ;D) and I was surprised he broke the touch barrier. He's called me beautiful before and I asked him what he thought of our friendship and he said it was excellent. The thing is though, I think he likes me. I don't know for sure. Can you tell me if he does? The problem though is... I think the first guy and I... "Really Really like Like" each other. I know he won't be back for a long time. But I am kind of developing feelings for the older guy. I don't know what to do. I know it's good to move on. So should I try and see what happens with the older guy? Don't comment on age difference please. And I know older guys tend to try and chase younger girls for easy sex, but I know this guy well enough that he would NOT do that. I need help! please!
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I remember you. The part of the guy who was shy meeting you in music store and giving you a hug there is what clued me in.
Last time you did not tell about the guy you loved who moved away. Oh how heart breaking dear. Yes, it doesn't happen often but I believe some people can fall in love as kids & teens and eventually marry.
Fate can bring along events in life to older people who are in love, one dies of a disease or in a car accident, it isn't an age specific thing that may pull two people apart. As you can already feel, the long distance is having the effect of you growing apart. Some people start with an on-line relationship and then try to make it work face to face later. You already know what it feels like in person. So you know that much of What you experience in person can not be duplicated on-line.
Is it possible to having strong feelings for two guys at once, maybe even love two guys at once? Yes it is. It is called polyamory. The heart is capable of having genuine feelings for more than one. But honesty between the two is important with both being okay with sharing the female or vice-versa, two females sharing the same guy. But because that is so much more challenging I am not promoting that with you, just the fact that it is possible to have those feelings.
So your decision then can't be based on your feelings but rather on which relationship has a better chance right now of growing. Yes, its hard but that is what you are faced with. It looks like the older guy is the better choice based on that.
I don't know who is telling you that the age difference is a problem. Some juniors and seniors dont care to associate with freshman or younger due to how immature they are.
In your case, I sense you are very intelligent and mature from what I can pick up from your writings. You are correct that many older guys will go after younger girls for sex but there are also a few shyer guys who are more respectful of women and that is why they haven't dated yet because they are waiting for someone they truly care about getting to know the person inside, the personality. They are;t into dating just to show off for their friends.
I think we established last time that the older guy is really into you and would love the opportunity to get to know you better. He has given some of the strongest clues one could give. He says things that build you up and make u feel good, he has chosen to hug u infront of people at the store...it shows that he is not embarrassed what others may think...so he won't be one to cave into peer pressure. He is never going to be the first to make any move to start the next step of relationships. You two have gone past initial attraction and the conversational friend stage and need to move on to the dating stage if you both are ready. I am sure he is but he is leaving it up to you to show him you want to take the next step. If you are ready...tell him. He may wonder if the guy who moved could come back and mess things up for him. At that age, a teen is stuck having to go where the family goes and if dad moved because of a job offer. Its not likely he'll be back any time soon. If they moved to care for an ailing/elderly parent/grandparent it could be a year but it could be 10 years. Who is to know how long the elderly will live on.
But then thats the only piece of info I don't have...why the family moved away. Only you would know if there was a great chance of him being back in a year. A year is bad enough and might have adverse affects on the relationship, but longer than a year at your age could really have detrimental effects...meaning both of you not feeling the same about each other anymore.
Unless there is something I don't yet know that could help, I would go for getting to know the older guy. Here is a piece I share about the stages of relationships so you can better gauge where you are at with the local guy.
The Normal steps to a Relationship
Attraction: Whether just plain looks or a pheremone attraction. It doesn't mean that either one "Likes" the other yet so it is important to go beyond the staring at stage to conversation.
Conversation: Now you are talking and find that you like the persons sense of humor, how they think, their beliefs or way of living life...this is the teaser...either you decide you want to learn more in depth about the person or you decide you don't have enough interest from the conversation to want to learn any more. Someone not interested stops talking to the other and looks elsewhere. If both want to learn more about the other, you start dating.
Dating: Dating is not all about calendar appointments to go to a movie or out to dinner, or out dancing. It is a time to learn what you like and don't like about the opposite sex. Find out more about the person you have interest in which happens only if you start seeing each other regularly making it a conscious choice. If there are too many dislikes, start over again with someone new. Or take this to the next level. Usually being a steady couple happens automatically without any conscious thought.
Steady relationship: This is meant to be a time where you have plenty of opportunity to spend in each others presence getting to see how they handle themselves 24/7 under all sorts of conditions, their good days, and bad days. Many of those of legal age choose to live together at this time. There isn't much that can be hidden when you live with someone, like their housekeeping habits, what their usual diet is, any mood swings, and by now there should be a good idea of what their normal sexual habits and needs are. You don't want to get matched up with someone who is the opposite libido level of yourself.
Committed relationship: Here there are vows and oaths made to each other, a professing of mutual love and devotion for each other and it goes beyond words to living it out daily in how one treats their partner. This person will be your life mate with a marriage license or without one.
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So you're stuck on choosing between two guys. You'll have to think very hard on this one. Don't rush into anything though, take your time to think and figure it out.
They both seem to like you very much. You already know it's good to move on from the first guy since he lives so far away and who knows when you'll ever see him again.
With the other guy, if you keep developing feelings for him, then go for it. I wouldn't say there is anything wrong with the age difference as long as he wouldn't have a problem with it. Plus he still has a couple years till he graduates so that's not a big deal.
Just don't get involved with the second guy until you are over the first. You said you think you'll never fully move on..and that's not good. It's pretty much saying you'll never get over him. You don't want to be thinking about him when you're with another guy.
Most girls who convince themselves that they won't move on, they're the ones who keep it going for years and years instead of letting themselves move on and knowing they will.
So take your time, enjoy talking to this other guy and let yourself move on.
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To be honest it sounds like you have a chance with both these guys, so lucky you!
I think you should go for the guy who you like the most, its as simple as that.
The one who is your age would probably be a more sensible choice though, because your older guy will have to graduate and leave for college sooner...
However if its just not there, its just not there! So you should go for the older guy who you really really like like. It might not last forever but if he's the boy you truly like then you wont have any regrets spending time with him will you?
And I know this is going to sound kinda mean/heartless etc, but on the Brightside, if that doesn't work out and he rejects you, you still have the other one!! xD
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