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Resentment
I will try to make this short
I am getting married in a few months. My parents are divirced and my father has never really tried to initiate contact with me. Now that I have been planning a wedding, I seem to be resenting my father for loss of time abd not trying. I asked my mother to walk me, my step father is a JOP who will take the honors of marrying us. My father will be at this wedding...I have stopped talking to him from 2008-2012 due to the fact that I got tired of being the only one tryibg to have a relationship with my dad. I am getting tired again, He still doesn't call or visit me. It is his birthday on July 3rd and I was invited by stepmother to have dinner. I don't even wabt to go nor do I want to buy him anything. Instead I am feeling the want to just forget it and be happy with people who try to be in my life. I almost feel as I am a burden and unwanted. If it weren't for me visiting him (30 min drive) there wouldn't even be any relationship at all. I love my dad but I seem to not wabt to waste energy any more
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
I remember having people invited to my wedding just to be considerate to them, not because I felt close to them, some of my girlfriends from school, their moms were invited,and there were even people like spouses of people I know but never met the other half, people I am distant from for whatever reason...just consider your biological dad to fit in this catagory. He is given the invite to attend only out of consideration but not because he's special to you. And that is okay. As long as you can for your own sake not hate him. Hatred will eat you up inside.
Heres an example, My ex was verbally abusive and got worse as he got older so by their teens he was starting to be unreasonable in how he dealt with his daughters. I could in my heart forgive his treatment of me when I looked at it as there being many souls on this planet and we are not all at the same maturity level as souls. Some have to reincarnate and get another try to learn a certain lesson. At least it helped me to understand. There is no need for the ex to get it and be perfect this time around. And being in that situation taught me to love myself first, and make choices based on what is best for me, It included leaving him. In your case, loving yourself enough to make the best choices for yourself will include having nothing to do with your bio. dad because emotionally it distresses you. So instead of looking at what he or his wife thing is proper or whether he feels he deserves more like dinner visits or cards, that has nothing to do with it. Don't let your mind go there, the issue here is what is best for you. Theres always the slight chance there will be important family gatherings besides your wedding at future dates that someone invites him to. Usually thats weddings and funerals. You owe him nothing there, you are attending for your support of whomever, not to socialize with him. A slight nod in his direction to acknowledge you see him should be enough. But don't talk to him if it distresses you or brings up bad feelings.
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You're about to get married which tells me you're an adult now and entitled to live your own life. Sometimes that means going against accepted tradition.
I know exactly how you feel as for most of my life , from early teens until he died, my father and I did not have the greatest relationship. About 10 years before he past away he said something to my wife that hurt her deeply. I don't know what was said she will never tell me. That was the final straw I cut all ties to my father as I finally had enough. I wrote him a letter and told him exactly how I felt and that I remember every wrong he ever did to me. That I have overlooked them but would not overlook what was said to my wife. He would need to apologize to her, he never did.
I told my sister I wanted nothing to do with him but if he was ever in a position where he needed help and I could write her a check to help, then she could contact me. That was the limit of what I was willing to do for him as after all he was my father and that was my obligation to him.
I tell you this for there are times when a relationship with a parent, especially a divorced parent is not going to be what you want it to be, nor can you force it to be. It sounds like your stepfather is your true father the man that raised you, was there for you when you needed him to be. The man who waited up for you when you were on a date.
Your stepfather is the man you honor as your father. Your biological father does not seem to want to have the relationship you would like to have with him. Don't beat yourself up over this. Your fortunate to have someone in your life to take that place. Be there for your biological father should he ever need your help. For now the ball is in his court. You've tried. Move on with your life.
Congratulations on your forthcoming Nuptials.
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It's not quite clear what you're asking. It seems like you want someone to vent to which is totally okay. You may love your father but you don't have to like him. I mean, with what you said it's obvious you're done trying and it seems as though he was a long time ago. I don't think you can do anything but live your life. Just don't talk to him if you don't have to, if you have to see him you'll have grin and bear it. I don't know what else to say, sorry.
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