All my boyfriend does is play video games and doesn't pay attention to me
Question Posted Friday June 21 2013, 3:30 pm
I'm an 18 year old girl and I've been dating my boyfriend who's 19 for a year now. We've been best friends for years. He moved away a bit over a year ago and moved back to be with me. Everything's been going great until recently. He still tells me he loves me and we're getting engaged soon, but recently all he's been doing is playing video games almost non-stop. I try to talk to him saying I want to spend more time with him; he says he's sorry and promises we'll do more together but it doesn't change. Even when we go out with friends, it's typically to his friends' place to play more games. What should I do? Does he not love me as much anymore? Am I doing something wrong? I try to see even if he'll let me play games with him but he plays with his friends instead. I don't know if I'm over-reacting but it's bothering me and wish he'd put a little more effort into spending time with just us. Any advice would be great!
[ Answer this question ] Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category? Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life? Dragonflymagic answered Friday June 21 2013, 8:51 pm: So if I understand correctly, as younger kids, you knew each other. You only starting dating at the time he left over a year ago. So your entire dating relationship has been on line. Before he left, was he as actively addicted to video games? You should have known then. But of course he was younger too.
Perhaps you hoped he had matured in the 14, 15 mos since you last saw him. If he was paying you attention, what would it look like? Is it something that would help you really get to know each other even better? Or would it be the equivalent of what he is doing now. The two of you in the same room but not interacting together in conversation. You are still of an age where serious relationships that last long term are not yet the norm because this is still the time to be dating to learn about the opposite sex, how they work...how to relate to them, what you do and don't like about how he treats you, habits you can't live with...etc. So you invested a year so far. Make a list of what you liked, what you didn't like...video game addiction, breaking promises, and I am sure there's more if you would only look. Write it down because you don't want to forget. Since he's been a life friend, I'd say be willing to keep in touch but let him know you will be looking for someone else to date. You ask if he doesn't love you as much now. I married at 20. I had lots to learn yet about love. What I thought was the kind of love that would make the difference in having a healthy happy marriage was not it at all. And I stayed with him 30 yrs because of 3 daughters.
So do not commit to one guy just because of history together or because at some point he has voiced the words, 'I love you"
Find a man who knows how to treat you well, there is balance in the relationship, each person putting equal effort into each other and the relationship, he is a person of integrity, meaning, the values he believes in and stands for, are very noticeable because he lives them out every day in the relationship, he's a man of his word. Once you see a man continuously take himself out of integrity, you have a decision to make. For you can not change anyone but yourself. Changing yourself is not good enough for a relationship if the other isn't making steps to change. Many will never make any change in their life time or only baby steps that have no impact on the health of a relationship. So the guy who stands before you as he is today is almost exactly who he will be when you've been together 5-10 years and have kids as well. There is also a difference between love and being in love with another. In my new relationship He is In Love with me. It means hubby says his world is more full of joy just because i am in it, he even prefers to do everything like dishes, or shopping cus the mundane stuff is now fun because of who is at his side. When we are apart like for work, he can hardly wait to be back together. He is always supportive, attentive, fixing meals, cleaning up and tells me to relax, he'll do the chores this time. He adores and worships me with his words and shows me in bed how much he loves me by making sure i am satisfied before himself.
That's what being "in love" is all about dear. [ Dragonflymagic's advice column | Ask Dragonflymagic A Question ]
lightoftruth answered Friday June 21 2013, 5:15 pm: I don't think you're over reacting. It does seem like he needs to put a little bit more effort into you guys rather than video games.
He needs to have a balance when he's in a relationship. Because if he doesn't pay attention to you, he's not paying attention to the relationship and that can cause it to go downhill.
I know you've talked to him about it before, but try one more time.
Make sure you have enough time to let it all out. Don't start pointing fingers at him but make sure he knows this is actually upsetting you.
Tell him that this is actually becoming a problem and it's been really bothering you. You want to spend more time just the two of you.
He just really needs to understand he can't neglect the relationship. [ lightoftruth's advice column | Ask lightoftruth A Question ]
Zane answered Friday June 21 2013, 5:03 pm: It may be possible your boyfriend is addicted. You could ask him to turn it off so you both can talk. Tell him you feel neglected because of the amount of time he plays video games. Let him know you don't mind him playing but you miss spending one on one time. Relationships take communication and understanding on both parties, If he continues to abandon you, He will continue to abandon your relationship. Set the ground rules together [ Zane's advice column | Ask Zane A Question ]
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