I'm 13 and in the U.S. I have been liking this one boy for almost a year. And everyone keeps telling me that I am too young for a boyfriend. What age is too young??? And how do I avoid the comments like you're to young???
At your age boys your age and up until they are, for some, into their early twenties, love and lust mean the same to them. They are out for one thing and only one thing, SEX. They use lines like, "If you love me you will have sex with me.
Sex is not away you prove your love for someone. Sex is an extension of two peoples love for one another. Sex should be mutual and for the right reasons, something that you understand better and be more understanding of as you grow older and more mature.
Right now boys get to have all the fun of sex but for now do not suffer any of the consequences. They are not the ones who have to tell their parents they are pregnant. They do not suffer the indignity of being a teenage parent, unwed mother. They get to go out and continue to have fun while your stuck at home raising a child. They can do this until they are 18 and you can take them to court for child support.
Remember this each time some boy feeds you a line about if you love him you will have sex with him. This is why as parents we tell you that you are too young to have a boyfriend. It is not that we don't trust you, we don't trust the boys. As a father I know what teenage boys are like, I was once one myself as was your father.
Now having a boy friend is different. A boy friend is someone you can hang out with at the mall. Someone you can be with at parties, walk the halls with at school, have lunch with and maybe walk to school with. This is not considered dating. When I was your age I had a girl friend and this is what we did.
I cannot tell you when you will be old enough to have a boyfriend and go out on dates as this is something that each parent has to decide. Part of how we decide this is based on trust. Not so much as the trust we have in you as that is pretty much a given. As parents, especially dads, we have an inherent distrust in the boys you will be dating. If you want to score big points with dad; make sure the boy comes over to meet dad before you go out on a date. Any boy willing to meet you parents before dating you will score big trust points with your parents. [ adviceman49's advice column | Ask adviceman49 A Question ]
Dragonflymagic answered Friday June 21 2013, 11:47 pm: Are your friends saying you are too young? I can;t imagine that. It's probably just the parents saying you're too young. While some kids have parents who either don't care or are more hip, and can get away with it at your age...if the parents are the issue, here's what option you have.
Talk to the parents again. Tell them that they had no problem with you picking out who your girlfriends were, did they? Where do you and girlfriends hang out most the time, probably at each others house or some public place. Tell them you have found a guy you would like to have for a friend. Just don't use the term boyfriend because it makes them think of private dates. Ask if he can come hang out at the house just like your girlfriends do. I did not want my girls on single dates out alone with a guy so I told them if they found a guy they liked enough, to invite him to hang out at our house. I think 13 is a perfect time. At some point you need to learn to be able to spot the things you like and don't like in a guy. What are the warning signs of a not so nice guy? A very high percent of dating girls experience verbal or physical abuse from their boyfriends. So tell the parents they have the opportunity this way to oversee your friendship with someone of the opposite sex and give you input and teach you some things all under their parental guidance. If they agree to this, Hurray!
Make sure the guy you have chosen is a friendly well balanced sort. Is he confident enough to talk to your parents, being friendly with and take an actual interest in them...not pretense so he can be with you. Most people can tell when someone is being false. In time, he will grow on them and they will know if he really cares about you and treats you well.
At 13, many who are "Dating" really only see each other at school, or also at each others houses. I'd say, restrain yourself from kissing where they could see and have a panic attack. If the guy is perfectly happy with this arrangement, in two years the parents may be willing to review their ideas of single dates and give the okay. If they don't allow you to do this, you will have to decide if you're okay with waiting longer or do whatever you feel is reasonable at that time. If anywhere along the way you and he feel you are ready for sex and really want to, then you do not need parents knowledge or approval. You can go to Planned Parenthood in private and get the contraceptives you need. Don;t fool around with out it. Good luck to you.
By the way, none of my 3 daughters could find a guy brave enough to hang out at our house with them.. So they didnt date until they got out of high school because they didn't like the drama of it and how it distracted the other dating girls from getting good grades. I have awesome daughters. [ Dragonflymagic's advice column | Ask Dragonflymagic A Question ]
lightoftruth answered Friday June 21 2013, 10:27 pm: In my own personal opinion, I think 13 is too young. Mostly because young teenage boys aren't really mature enough to handle an actual relationship. A lot of them like to push more than holding hands and kissing. They want to become sexual because they're hormones are going crazy and obviously, it's not a good idea to become sexual that early in life.
So that's the main reason people think 13 is a really young age to start dating. It's not that they think you're not mature enough to have a boyfriend and hold hands and talk all the time but because of sex.
I don't think you'll be able to avoid the comments because if you tell someone you're dating, they'll most likely have an opinion about it.
Anyways, I think you should ask your parents if you can date. If this guy that you've liked, likes you too, then talk to your parents. Having your parents approval is best because then he can come over sometimes, they'll get to know him better and you'll be able to see him outside of school. If they say no, then just wait because having their trust is way more important.
xTruthinLovex answered Friday June 21 2013, 9:35 pm: I had this same problem. I was 11 and this guy kept asking me out. So I said yes. I told my parents and they thought of it as a joke. Anyway, most relationships that happen with kids 13 and under don't last long. But if you really love this guy and truly care for him then go for it. And just ignore the people who say that you're too young. Mostly everyone has had "crushes" and "young love." The age for dating depends on the person. But I would say that 13 is a good age to handle the break ups. [ xTruthinLovex's advice column | Ask xTruthinLovex A Question ]
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