im 15 ,and im really fustrated with my parents ,mainly my mom because i already know my dad wont buy me nothing , even if his job was high paying , but my issue is that im really into fashion and like shoes , because where i live theres alot of people that are nicely dressed , and have alot of "shoegame" , and everytime i go ask my mom for like the latest pair of jordans that comes out , she alway gives the same excuse like your grades , or your room not clean , or you have an attitude ... the little stuff like that , that i easily can improve , but still doesnt buy me anything . i explain myself to her like everyday how its important to be dressed nice or youll get picked on , or something like that , she just doesnt understand , ontop of that she thinks paying the bills is giving stuff to me , okay but what about the other moms they pay the bills and buy thier children thier wants and need , i look at things like it could be worse , but i also look at things like it can be better , so its a win,loose situation . idk , i just want some things..u know , and my mom gets mad if i ask other relatives for stuff , but doesnt want to buy it anyways ,wow ..pathectic , hun ?
The answers your getting are the same ones my sister and I would get from our parents when we were young. When my father built rooms for us in the attic of our house we were told we would not be getting carpet because we did not keep our rooms clean. Real answer was he ran out of money so we got tile floors.
As for buying the latest fashion in clothes same answers as you are getting backed up with be happy you have clean cloths that fit you well and are not all torn.
The real excuse was as I found out many decades later was they didn't have the money to buy the designer labels or the in things. So they used ever conceivable excuse not to buy us the cloths we wanted or anything else we didn't actually need.
As hard as this is going to be to believe; I will tell you it hurts us as a parent more than it hurts you when we can't give you something you want. It is also part of parenting to walk that find line between being a good parent and not spoiling our children. For those of us who can afford to give our children the world that is a difficult line to walk. It is almost as hard as the one your parents are walking by maybe not being able to give you what you want and maybe being hard pressed to give you what you need.
You say it yourself; "dad does not have a high paying job." You do not say if mom works outside the home. If she does how much does her earnings contribute?
Times are tough right now. If both mom and dad have jobs they are the lucky ones. Watch the news read the newspapers. The economy is not all that good. Jobs are still hard to find, prices on everything are going up and I mean everything from food to taxes. Gas for the car changes almost daily. Health Insurance, tolls, staples of food and medicine are all rising.
These are the necessities of life. Designer clothes are nice but they are really low on the list of necessities. I know you want to hear that your parents are being mean but I don't think so. I think like my parents were they don't want you to know how bad things are financially as it is really not something a child needs to know. Is this right or wrong I can't say. I raised my child differently. about different things.
You may be to young to go out and find a real job though there are other things like baby sitting and other things teenagers do to earn money. I suggest if you want designer clothes you earn the difference between what mom will spend on clothing and the cost of the designer clothing. [ adviceman49's advice column | Ask adviceman49 A Question ]
lightoftruth answered Monday June 10 2013, 3:54 am: What is your question?
Firstly, you can't convince your mother to buy you everything you want. That's just not going to happen. If you want something, work for it.
You don't get made fun of if you're not wearing the latest fashion. As long as you look nice, decent and cute, you're fine. You're not grasping that.
She shouldn't give the same excuses over and over again, but she does need to tell you that she's not going to buy you every new shoe that comes out.
She is paying the bills and she is giving you your needs. You have clothes, you have food, you have water and a place to live right?
So learn from this now, when you're older you'll see why she didn't buy you everything. You'll end up spoiled.
I would also get mad if I told my children that they couldn't have something and they go off and ask other relatives. It is rude.
So instead of begging people to get you things, earn your own money and then you can buy whatever you want. [ lightoftruth's advice column | Ask lightoftruth A Question ]
Dragonflymagic answered Monday June 10 2013, 12:47 am: Wow...how things have changed. When I was your age, I was earning money on my own and buying my own clothes. When you end up having spent your hard earned money on name brand fashions, your attitude will quickly change. Your money disappears faster and you can only buy one name brand item, unless you go for style and no brand name and come away with 3 items. You have not have any responsibility with money yet and so I can blame you for not knowing these things. But you can learn. Your mom isn't being fair by not being straight up honest with you. When my daughters begged for certain things over and over, I got tired of their begging and began to screen them out and throw out excuses. But that is the wrong thing to do. Mom would be better off being honest and letting you know that all a parent is legally responsible for aside from emotional love),with a child is to provide a roof over their head, it doesnt have to be a mansion, just keep the rain and cold and heat out, they must provide you with food, it doesnt have to be dinner out or pizzas and fast food, but something healthy that is good for you. They must keep you clothed, and that can be pants shirts socks underwear, shoes...what ever keeps you protected from the elements, or cool enough in hot weather but there is no written law that they must provide the lastest hot fashion and name brand. Those are not needs. They are your wants. What I did with my daughters when they said they absolutely wouldn't wear regular tennis shoes, but it had to be scetchers, I told them I would provide the same amount of money i had alloted for shoes and they would have to come up with the rest if the name brand was that important to them. One of them decided it was not that important. The other earned enougy money to afford to pay her half of the cost and got the shoes she wanted. As she earned more money she slowly realized she did not want to even pay her half on a fancy brand and allowed me to get her what I could afford and she used her money for other things than clothing, maybe cd's, going to movies with friends, whatever. But it wasnt on fashion. And yet they never got picked on in school. They were dressed the same as everyone else. When schools were just integrating computers into their format but it wasnt neccessary that you do home work on one, they all pushed for geting their own computers. Luckily, dad had his own business and used a pc heavily so it was outdated in a couple years and he was always getting new ones. I had a free pc from work i won in a raffle. So I let one daughter share it with me while the other two had the share dads old one. They told me all their friends had their own computers. When their friends were over, I heard every single one of them say, OMG, you guys are so lucky you have your own computers. I don't have any. My daughters,"But we have to share ours." Their friends, "we'll trade places with you." So I learned early on that what the daughter thinks is critical and thinks everyone else had, just isn't so. Sorry I can not support your expensive taste in fashion. Its okay that you like it, but it's not okay to beg parents and relatives to get things to just give to you. We can't all be the Queen of England you know. [ Dragonflymagic's advice column | Ask Dragonflymagic A Question ]
Acl9 answered Sunday June 9 2013, 3:13 pm: Hey,i was going through your query and by seeing your problem,i can suggest you that first of all fashion is not all about having expensive clothes an d all...its all about your creativity to carry yourself well and you may be right in your perspective but being frustrated wont help...it wont bring you solution...either you stop expecting from your mom or you can simply do whatever she says and give her logical information,that why you want it.lastly be polite in your approach.i hope it helps and through this phase everyone goes thru...because parents have their own perspective for spending money. [ Acl9's advice column | Ask Acl9 A Question ]
WittyUsernameHere answered Sunday June 9 2013, 2:56 pm: You are a spoiled brat with literally no appreciation for anything in life. Your parents are teaching you a valuable life lesson (you can't always get what you want) and you are missing it entirely because you're a stupid teenager who is obsessed over fashion like it actually matters.
Hint: It doesn't, your parents know that, and they do not care about your fashion sensibilities. It's their job to raise you, not to buy you the latest pair of air jordans.
You're the pathetic one here. You are a sheep. You are the hivemind. You are what is wrong with the world, buying into fashion crap like it matters and spending hundreds or thousands of dollars (which you did not earn) on stupid crap that does not matter in the slightest in the real world.
Grow up, kid. You want to have shoe game go get a job and pay for it yourself. Be inventive. Mow lawns, wash cars, and other things which will earn money for a generally unemployable person like you.
Learn this lesson now or you'll be just as helpless and overwhelmed by the adult world as the rest of your idiot friends who's parents ruin them as people by buying them whatever they want. [ WittyUsernameHere's advice column | Ask WittyUsernameHere A Question ]
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