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Coming to my senses
I like this guy, weve known eachother for about a year but I'm just now coming to the realization that I'm pretty sure he's just being my "friend" because he wants to sleep with me. Is there any way to get him to actually be my friend? Lately I've been trying to hangout with him hoping we can actually do something instead of it being a make out session. I think I have a decent chance of him liking me if he gets
To know me I'm just awkward and shy and have a hard time being myself/friendly infront of people especially a guy that makes me so nervous. I just want to know if I have a chance atthis, because I don't want to wasted time trying jus to end up hurt. Idk how guys brains work unfortunately.
I'm 18, he's 19.
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I'm a bit confused by how you've worded your question. Are you saying that most of the time that you hang out with him you're making out? If that is the case, girl what are you thinking? Of course all he's going to want from you is an intimate relationship if you're giving it up like that. If you want someone to be your friend, don't make out with them. It's pretty simple. You've set the tone for the relationship that you have with him by presenting yourself as easy and making yourself into a sexual object rather than a personality that he might like.
If you don't actually make out with him and I just misunderstood what you were saying, why would you make a statement like that? Do you think that you'd end up making out with him because you're attracted to him or that he'd just have his way with you somehow? If you don't want to make out with him or have an intimate relationship, then don't. If you hang out a few times as friends and it's weird, there's really no harm done. You shouldn't be worried about your situation with him at all unless there's some underlying thing that you avoided mentioning.
Don't think of it as a "guy brain". He's a human with a human brain. I'm sure that you're just as confusing as he is and in the same ways. I mean, I'm pretty confused by you, myself. The thing that's confusing about his brain and the things that he does is that it's not any different from you, it's the same. If you want to know what he wants with you, ask him. If you've been making out with him, how is he supposed to know that you just want to be friends? If you want him to know that, tell him. Almost all of the problems between men and women boil down to a lack of communication. If people would just talk to each other and say what's on their minds in a direct way, we'd all be so much happier. Pretty much EVERYONE has a hard time being upfront with people, it's not just you. Don't use a self-applied label as an excuse to not do something that will make you happy. You could be upfront if you needed to be. Yeah it's tough, but just do it. I'm awkward and I hate being direct with people too, but there are times when we need to do things in life that aren't comfortable.
You may not like my advice and you may disagree with me, but if you can't tell this guy what's up or ask him what's up, you're never going to get anywhere with this. Anything else I could tell you might sound better, but it's not going to solve your problem. If you don't want the problem solved, then fine, but if you really do, TALK. Good luck! :)
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The best thing is probably just talk to him and tell him you want to be friends. If he stops hanging out with you or stops talking to you, then you know he was only in it for sex.
If he's ok with just being friends, then you can go from there and then maybe he'll see you as more than a girl to sleep with.
If he's only set out to sleep with you then that's all it'll ever be.
So just talk to him and see if he's ok with you guys just being friends for now.
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I am allowed to edit not start a new response so the shyness overcoming piece is added at the bottom
Some women who are awkward and shy will because of the uncomfortableness of talking to new guys, just latch on to the first one who pays any kind of attention to her and stay with him. Don't let this happen to you if you have any misgivings.
So one thing that is important is gaining your self confidence, inner strength, and boldness to know what you want, ask for it and not settle for anything less.
Guys who have an agenda, who want just sex or want someone who is dependant on him emotionally or financially cus it boosts his low self esteem and makes him feel good, or he likes the power trip of bossing and controling someone tend to be drawn to women that appear to be weaker, a pushover. I may look like that but once the guys start talking to me and discover I am strong, certain guys will back away quickly cus they dont like it.
So one point i am making is to work on you. Go hunting for the right self help book for you. Maybe at the same time find one on understanding the basic mechanics of most men although each one will have his own unique set of differences.
Your being nervous and not being able to hold eye contact is your body reacting because you are initially attracted to a guys looks and maybe that invisible energy they put out that you pick up on. If you can learn to understand the physiology of how our bodies act, react, body language, energy field, signs of interest, attraction, arousal...then you are better equipped to interact with men and be able to pick up on things that conversation or words say otherwise or don't share at all. If you want to work on the shyness. I was given a step by step process how to get over it when i was your age and it worked. Let me know and I will share it with you. Its short and simple to read, about 5 steps and you go at your own pace that you are comfortable with. If you try to rush it, it wont work for you.
Overcome Shyness
I used to be so shy I wouldn't get up to use the pencil sharpener in grade school because I didn't want the other kids to stare at me. I refused to do book reports for fear of speaking in front of the class. So my grades would suffer. In contrast, my dad was a very friendly extroverted person and always bringing home new friends he had made. The kids liked it cus these “uncles” would bring candy for the kids and many had accents from around the world with lots of interesting stories too.
It took until I was about 16 before I decided I was sick and tired of being so shy. I didn't have the guts to just switch behavior and start talking. Strange how I never thought to talk to my dad about that and get help from him. So I prayed and asked God for help (He knows each of us better than anyone )
and here's the answers I got. It sure helped me and I know it will help you. You can skip any steps you already have mastered.
None of this involves using people you already know because you already have some comfort level there For this exercise, you will have to drop the teaching, “Never talk to strangers”. Just use common sense and talk to people in public places where other people are around and don't go off alone with anyone. So here's your lesson.
1. Smile at strangers every day as you come across them. When you are comfortable with this, move on to step 2
2. Smile and add saying hello to people you don't know. This is already harder because your mind will be going, "They're gonna think I'm nuts cus I am saying hi and they dont even know me." When you can do this without feeling shy, move to step 3
3. Smile and say hi to and then pay a compliment to another person you don't know. It could be telling the grocery clerk you love her necklace. Keep paying compliments to people until you can do so without being fearful of their reaction or simply the act of doing it.
4. Smile, say Hi, and start a conversation with a stranger. Here's an example. When I'd be at a clothing rack and another woman was there...no matter her age, I would make a comment to her about the clothing. I'd pulling off the rack something that looks absolutely hideous and showing it to her, "Look at this. Can you imagine people wanting to wear this. It would make them look like a......" Or "Even though I am small, I have a hard time finding things in my size, do you have the same problems? Keep trying like to get responses from a person. If they don't open up and start responding and sharing some of their story or thoughts then they are part of the 10 % of people who are hermit like and don't like being around people or talking to them. I took a class that taught about personality types and discovered that 90% of people are very friendly but will not start conversation first. If you can learn to start conversation first, in every situation, you will find that the majority of people respond in a very friendly way. They won't find the fact that you start talking too weird. Once they figure you're a naturally friendly person you will see them willingly respond back and share bits and pieces of information and such.
I was trying to pick ripe but not over ripe melon one time when an older woman was tapping and listening to the melons. I asked what she was doing and she explained that there is a certain sound it makes so I learned something. Later we bump into each other in another aisle, and I say, "Well Hello again!" Her response, "Hello again. Do you use coupons?" "Sometimes." "Do you buy this product," she shows me something in her cart, "Yes I do." "Well I happen to have a coupon for a great deal on it if you'd like," and without waiting for my response reaches into pocket and hands it to me. You'd be amazed at the conversation you could have with people and be able to share helpful info with them or vice versa. And sometimes in the conversing you may find people who you have some things in common with and you decide to keep in touch with and exchange cell numbers and /or get their name for facebook friending.
This should help you.
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Why not be up front with him and tell him that you don't see him as a sex partner or that you are just not ready for sex if you are still a virgin. Don't lead him on just to keep him as a friend. That would make you a tease and I don't think you want that either.
You are right about how guys think. Even at his age he still thinks more with the head in his pants then the one between his shoulders when it comes to relationships. There are guys out there who have come to realize that girls prefer guys who think first with the head that is between their shoulders. Who form relationships first and then move on to a more intimate relationship.
If he can't think with the proper head then throw him back in the ocean and find yourself another guy. He's out there you just have to keep fishing, as my mother use to me and my sister.
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