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Unsure weather to say yes or no.
18/F
I'd first like to start off by saying that yes, I know being a virgin in this day and age is rare and something I should be proud of, hold onto, and cherish. Or so some say. I know I should wait for someone special who cares and respects me and blah blah. But this isn't a fairy tail and my life doesn't become anything close to those options.
I've had the opportunity to sleep with a guy I've known for about a year, I have feelings for him and I think he's really nice and very attractive so I'm very surprised I was even given this opportunity considering I'm..not. I'm just not completely sure if he feels the same about me. I have a big feeling that I'm just a booty call and I hate to be one of those girls that hopes that sleeping with him will change that fact.
On the other hand, weather it's with him or not I want to lose my virginity. I want to have a boyfriend even more than that but I don't know many people and like I mentioned, I'm not attractive and that's pretty much all anyone looks for nowadays. Or if you have a nice body they can ignore your face but then again you're just an object to them. I can honestly say if you're just going to answer this telling me to wait until someone special comes a long you're pretty much wasting your time because no one special is going to. I know the guy I mentioned above will respect me considering it's my first time and he knows that, and he's seen me mostly unclothed also so that help. Not sure about the after result though. I have a horrible time meeting new people and can't even make friends with a girl let alone a guy.
I've realized that this kind of came out like a rant, but either way is like opinions/comments whatever. Thanks for your time.
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Want to answer more questions in the Sexual Health and Reproduction category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Virginity?
Well as long as your on birth control and going to use condoms then you're safe to do it.
As for my opinions and comments,
My opinion on sex is do it when you're ready but don't rush it.
Each woman takes sex differently and feels differently about it afterward.
I know some women who lost their virginity to men they weren't in love with and it wasn't a big deal to them. I know some women who did the same thing and regret it. Some women lost their virginity to get it over with. I don't really like the last one because it's really not something that needs to be "gotten over with".
I don't know you, I don't know how you'll react.
Since this will be your first time, it could possibly hurt a lot. So as long as the guy you're planning this with is willing to move slow and go with what you want, then that's fine.
The thing is, you have feelings for this guy. Which might make it special but I've learned that when you start messing around with a guy that you like and you're not dating, it's just that. There won't be more to it. He'll most likely call you up again for another round but you can't expect more from him.
That's why a lot of girls have a problem when they have sex with a guy they really like. Guys want sex and they love it. Women get their hopes up and then the guy just sees you sexually.
That's why a lot of people will tell you to wait because it hurts when you find out he doesn't like you like that.
But there are times when it's the exception and he feels the same. Although, that kinda makes the relationship weird.
Like, most relationships start off with getting to know each other, going on dates, getting intimate and eventually having sex. But it makes it more weird because you already know each other sexually and then getting to know each other on another level that is more than friends, it's backwards. If that makes any sense.
Anyways, I'm all for it if you can put your feelings aside and not hope for more than friends with benefits.
And I doubt you're ugly, but I've seen some people who aren't considered attractive get a guy or a girl and are completely happy. Even though this society is big on looks, not everyone is that shallow. You'll just have to look hard for the good ones.
Anyways, that's just my opinion and I hoped it helped a little bit. Good luck!
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Before I answerer your question their is something more important to be addressed and that is the issue of birth control. Before you go ahead with starting a sex life be responsible and get on some form of birth control. Also if you are not familiar with how to put a condom on a boy, buy some and practice with a banana.
The most important thing about this is to make sure you protect yourself from pregnancy and the STDS that condoms can protect you from. Condoms do not protect for all STDS but they do protect from many and the HIV/AIDS virus. Never enter into casual sex without the man using a condom. Most men prefer going bare back but it is for your protection. In my day girls/women would say no rubber, no lover.
Now as to loosing your virginity. This is not a perfect world. As I tell my son this is an off the rack world if your looking for a custom fit you take what's on the rack and have it altered.
Meaning if you wait for Mr. absolutely perfect to come along it won't happen. Though giving your virginity to this guy just to loose it doesn't sound right to me either. You said he will respect you but will he make your first time as special as it should be.
For a guy loosing his virginity does not include any pain, bleeding or any type of discomfort. Once his penis penetrates a vagina he is no longer a virgin. For a women it is quite different. She needs to feel safe, comfortable and most of all loved if she is going to get any enjoyment out of her first time. Can this guy or will this guy give you any of this or will it be some hurried up thing in the back seat of his car or in a bedroom hoping his or your parents don't catch you.
You are 18 legally an adult something we parents forget when and if we catch you having sex under our roof. Fact is as an adult you are now entitled to a sex life if you want one. My only caution is make sure your first time is made special by the guy you choose to have sex with the first time.
Last: You mention you feel you are less than pretty. You may be being to hard on yourself. In any case if you feel as you say you do there are other ways of meeting guys who will look past outer attractiveness and see the real you, the one I'm seeing who wrote this letter who I see as a beautiful person.
Having common interests is a great ice breaker and bridges that awkward gap in meeting people. Make a list, written down on paper, of things you like to do and things you are interested in. Then look for clubs or activities with these same interests or hobbies. Attend some of these meetings.
You would be surprised when say you are at a photography club meeting and you start taking about F-stops and lighting or subject matter. Next thing you know your having coffee and that moves on to a date and from there you end up in a bed together someplace with a guy that will not only respect you in the morning but someone that has actual feelings for you.
This is not a fairy tale. This is what these is what these expensive dating site rely on to match people up with. The match you up based on you general interests.
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If you are hoping that sleeping with him will draw him closer to you, or lead to a relationship with him, than don't.
I'm all for casual sex - but if you do that, do that because it's what you want - not because you are hoping it will lead to 'more'. I'm also not for casual sex for people who are new to sex all together - not because your virginity is some precious thing - but because having sex can be a pretty profound and complex experience, even if you don't expect it to be. I think it's generally better for people to have that experience in relationships before they branch out to more casual encounters where they will need to manage the emotions and fallout of sex more independently.
Your life doesn't need to be a fairy tale for you to hold out some hope it'll get better. You don't need to wait forever for someone special, but at least wait for someone you can speak honestly with.
If you want to have sex with this friend, and wonder if he wants that and/or anything more, ask him. If the two of you can speak honestly and with respect about this, then you'll be in a much better position if you do in fact have sex with him.
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Are you on birth control? If no, raincheck till you've been on it for the doctor recommended time till effectiveness.
Both cool with condoms? Going get tested together is acceptable if birth control is used.
Not on birth control and not going to wait? Go to the condom aisle at wallgreens or whatever's close and find "VCF". It's a little film of spermicide. 15 minutes and it's almost as effective as a condom without a condom. Perfectly save to use with a condom and help further guard against breakage.
It tastes nasty. Shower accordingly.
You're 18. Do what you want. Just do it safely.
Work on meeting people. Join a gym. If you don't like your situation, work on it instead of resigning yourself to it. You can be an introvert and have a social life. It takes a pretty decent act of will, but it's possible and can be rewarding in it's own right in addition to letting you meet someone you might be able to date.
And for the record, attractiveness is not the sole measure of datability. Personality counts for more than you'd probably believe at this point. You said you have a horrible time meeting new people and can't make friends.
Why, exactly? What's the trouble spot here? How do you act around people?
I don't care if you, an adult, want to have sex with this guy who is an adult (I assume). But doing it because you think there are no other opportunities around...
Do you really think desperate sex is going to be good sex? Bad sex can be worse than no sex. Friendly word of warning. Whether you value your virginity or not, you are going to remember that for the rest of your life.
If you can live with that, go for it I guess. Just, you know, work on everything else after.
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