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Considering dating a guy friend - will it work?
Hi there! I am a sophomore in high school and have a guy friend (let's call him K) that I've known since 7th grade. We didn't become good friends until last year, and this year we've become pretty close because we are involved in a lot of the same things.
I didn't think of him as anything more than a friend until this year. I thought I may have caught him very subtly flirting with me (he's pretty shy), and since I really liked him as a friend I started to try and see if I could see us together. I couldn't at first. But then, when my friend and I noticed him talking to this girl, we thought they would be really cute together, and kept talking about it/jokingly scheming on how to get those two together. Well, in the process, I started feeling a tiny bit jealous. It turns out he and the other girl really were just friends.
Then we started talking more as we got to know each other better through our school activities.
Now we text almost daily, usually about school stuff, but then it turns into chat. I think something is definitely there. Our eyes meet a lot, we joke around, and already have countless inside jokes. I'm really attracted to his smile and his blue eyes. :) I don't think he is "hot," in the conventional use of the word, but I am attracted to him. In addition, he's really smart, passionate, kind to everyone, a little shy, but pretty funny and easy to talk to. I told my best friend today that I kind of liked him and she got very excited and said we would be so cute. There is definitely something there. Today, I noticed him go out of his way to walk me to my car, telling everyone he needed to go that way too, but then he turned around.. :)
My concerns for our potential relationship are our friendship and our mutual friendships with others. We are both on a co-ed sports team with only 10 people who are all very close, so I'm concerned that dating him (and especially if it should end) might be awkward. He also asked one of my friends out on a date last year (she said no because she doesn't want to date in high school, although they remain very close friends), so there is another potential source of awkwardness. Another reason this concerns me is his formality in wanting to go out to restaurants and things on dates, which I have never really done before. Though the idea of a more mature relationship excites me, I'm also worried one of us will be uncomfortable or not know what to say or how to act. I'm also friends with his younger brother, I know his mom and dad from the sports events, and we have lots of mutual friends. While this might be a good thing, I am worried it could turn awkward.
I'm also not entirely sure if I even really like him or if my feelings stemmed from picturing us together, because the feelings I have are more sweet rather than a fiery crush.
Sorry this is long. Props to you if you really read it! I think writing it out has helped me at least a little bit in figuring it all out.
Basically, K and I have something going. I think our personalities mesh very well, and our chemistry is awesome. I see him as a great potential boyfriend, but am uncertain about getting over the uncomfortableness stage with him. What do you think? Do you think we are relationship material, or better off as friends? Is there anything I should say or do if we do end up dating, or if it should happen that I need to turn him down?
Thanks for your help!
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Thank you all for the advice.
He asked me out, and I decided to take the plunge. K and I have dating for a month now. The chemistry is slowly developing into something romantic and I think we will make a really strong couple.
Thanks again!
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Obviously, this choice is up to you. If you think that you can handle the awkwardness that might come along with a relationship, then go for it.
You guys may or may not be relationship material. You both sound like great people who could probably have a fantastic relationship but you may also find out that the chemistry you guys have might be for being just friends.
There are so many "what ifs". It's up to you to take the risk.
I mean you are in high school, chances are the relationship won't last. You can still have a friendship after the relationship, depending on how mature the break up is but it'll always be different.
So if you're willing to try it out, then do it and don't hold back.
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I think this would probably make for a good relationship but do I think it will last forever? No.
I agree with everything you said and you two may even make a cute couple. But realistically, You can't think it terms of "will it work" It may work, It may not.
Someone once told me you can't live on "What If" Sometimes in order to know, We have to take risk. A good relationship is based on how much you both work at it, communicate and trust one another. You both are young, In high school abd still live at home. Again, Thus relationship may be an ideal for a few years ir so but it isn't forever.
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Thankyou for taking the time to put your thoughts out in detail. Most people give us very little to go on. Plus as you said, it helped you to sort things out. I have experienced much the same when writing things out, getting most the answers myself.
Being part of a 10 person close knit team who are more likely to know the nitty gritty of any members life, is going to happen sometime somewhere in life or at some point in time you will be facing a feeling of awkwardness. Those things happen. That awkward feeling isn't something to fear, it's like a blinking light saying, "here is an opportunity to learn something about yourself and grow as a person.
Things to learn to grow past are feeling awkward because you fear what others might be thinking of you. Dont leave em to think and wonder, or wait for them to ask, just tell them that you are in the dating process to learn who is the best match for you and what you like in a guy...you and K are still good friends but have agreed you dont have enough of a spark to be dating material." You will be looked at more as very knowledgable rather than a girl who callously broke up with a guy she dated on the team. Maybe its none of their business, but if doing this makes you more comfortable you end up benefiting and learning how to not care so much what others think but follow your heart and inner voice.
The only other big reason for feeling awkward is HOW you decided to part as a dating couple. One or the other just saying i dont want to date you anymore, i am breaking this off is going to cause plenty awkwardness because there are unanswered questions in one persons mind as to why. Consider each others feelings. If there is no romantic spark that developed or grows stronger, but you still have great connecting as friends, don't throw the friendship away. Agree to keep in touch and remain friends and that this was a good learning experience for both of you, not a failure at something. Agree to back away and give each other more space as you find a new person to date so not to cause feelings of jealousy in the new partner until they know you are no threat. If worst case, you and K had a talk like this while on the team and broke up, the two of you would not feel awkward being in close proximity to each other alot. Others will notice too and ask if you really did or did not break up. They will be confused so you may need to explain and again hey will learn something they may be able to use themselves some day.
The rest you've figured out. The wee bit jealous feeling pointed out that indeed you did like him. (HInt: you were hearing that from your subconscious mind. So when not sure again about something, ask her, your subconscious how she feels.) That there is a great enough draw, mutual attraction and things in commom that you know there's something between you.
Enjoy the experience hon.
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