|
Bi curius and dont know what to do?
ok so i am a 16 year old girl and really bi-curious? I think i like guys but if i get into a relationship i end it too quickly because it doesnt feel right when i am with a guy. but I'll look at a guy and say he's hot but it ends there. as with girls though i've never had a crush on a girl but i can see myself in a relationship with one (a girl in general). i am just so confused, i don't think there is anything wrong with being gay but i am afraid that if i am that I'll loose friends and be judged harshly. i know my family will accept but i am still scared.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Miscellaneous category?
Maybe give some free advice about: What does it mean??
I myself am bisexual. I started only curious and i did question myself quite a bit, but it felt natural to find both sexes appealing and i embraced it. Most of my friends are bisexual, but the ones who arent are still accepting and actually have probably forgotten. If you talk to your friends about it, im sure they'll be very accepting, and you may even learn that they're bi curious/bisexual. As for being judged, it will happen. Its happened several times to me allready, especialy since i moved a whole state away from everyone i know. But dont let it get to you too much. Ive actualy learned that more people are bisexual/gay/lesbian than straight. Its not as uncommon as you think. Scientific studies show that only one species on earth is homophobic and thats the human race. So dont be too afraid. I told my family pretty quickly. I was a little afraid, but they were very accepting. Keeping your feelings bottled up too long can actually cause stress, but take your time and tell them when it feels right. I know im two years younger than you, but I also have three years experience (lol). I hope you find this helpful :)
]
Sexuality can be somewhat fluid. I met a woman recently who had been with women since her teenaged years but had dated men way back when before she graduated high school as well. After almost a decade of women only through college and beyond she decided she wanted to try dating guys and found she liked it again.
It's possible you prefer one over the other even if you like both to some degree. It's pretty common for people to have anywhere from a slight to a significant preference for one sex or the other. There are lots of people out there who are not completely straight, completely gay, or perfectly bisexual and can date and have sex with either with zero preference for male or female.
Your fears...
I'm bisexual. It took me until I was 24 to come out. My parents do not know. No one in my family knows. Well, I have one cousin, but she's the other black sheep and she's gay, so we understand each other. My closest friends know. My ex wife knows. That's about it.
GLBT people are slowly becoming more accepted, but it's not an overly easy road for any of us. It is possible that you will lose friends. They aren't worth your time. It is possible you will be judged. It will be by people too ignorant to have opinions worth hearing.
The good news is, high school is complete shit. It's a tiny environment with the same people constantly and there is no escape. It's something of a pressure cooker for social issues at times.
What this means to you is that whatever you experience in the next two years can and will come at you at an exponentially greater intensity than it will once you're past high school. You go to college or work or whatever after graduation and suddenly if you don't want to be around someone you can avoid them pretty easily most of the time. The bigots, the ignorant, the malicious, they have a harder time getting to you when you can walk out of the room and get a restraining order if they follow you.
Work can still suck occasionally but people have to watch discrimination in the work place so you finally get to enjoy some legitimate protections.
Google "It gets better project" when you have some time, by the way.
Another good thing, this is your business. You aren't required to broadcast your sexuality to others if you don't want to. I would go so far as to say that if you were really uncomfortable coming out in this environment, there would be nothing wrong with you continuing to date guys only while you're in high school and then giving women a shot in college when you can choose your own terms for sharing your identity with others.
That bit's entirely up to you, but I think that this course of action might just seem appealing to you and I thought you should know it's fine if that's your choice.
The important thing here is that you're fine with yourself, whatever flavor your sexual orientation may come in.
Last, don't worry too much about labeling yourself. Gay, bi, straight. You like who you like, you don't like who you don't like. There are an infinite variations of what people like and need. One person might date anyone man or woman but one sex they only like a very specific "type" while the other sex they have a pretty wide range of people who they find attractive. Another person may find themselves only sexually attracted to one sex and both sexually and romantically attracted to the other. Some people can literally fall in love with anyone so long as they meet certain standards of attractiveness.
You're not going to figure it out in that much detail until you've dated around a good bit on both sides. And even then it might change a bit as you get older, for some people it does and others it doesn't.
You're young. You've got plenty of time. So worry less about labels and more about just going out and having fun when you can manage it.
]
It's normal to be curious about your sexuality. People will judge you, that's just life. It's harder when your friends are judging you though. If you lose friends over this, they weren't real friends.
So just explore how you're feeling and see where it goes. You don't need to be ashamed or feel bad because it's you. You should love being you. Don't take what people say to heart. Although, that's easier said than done. Just grab all the support you can from your family and don't let yourself get down.
]
Relax you are a normal teenager. Being bi-curious is a normal part of your teenage years. It is part of learning about who your are sexually. In short finding your sexual identity.
I believe the fact that you like boys and find them hot though you stop there is not a sign you are a lesbian. It is more of a sign you fear of going to the next level sexually with a boy. Once again this is normal.
You may be saying that all your friends are at that next level and this may be true. They have reached that level for it is comfortable for them. Not everyone is comfortable in sexual exploration with someone of the opposite sex at the same age. Some of us take longer to get to that level of comfort. Some will even force themselves into that arena because they want to be with the in crowd.
My advise is not to be ashamed or fearful of who or what you are feeling. As I said you are having normal feelings. If you want to explore your curiosity then that is something for you to decide. The same is true for when you want to explore with boys.
Until then relax and enjoy this time of your life for it goes by very quickly.
]
More Questions: |