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humorist-workshop
private dance at stag paid for from his own pocket!!
My boyfriend understands that I am self-concious and see private dances as a form of cheating, I practically begged him not 2 get one for his stag and he literally swore in my life that he would only get one if his mates paid at his stag and that would be it!! I take people swearing in my life very serious!! He then got 2 dances the one paid for by his friends and the one he paid for!! He lied on me asking twice before finally admitting that he had in fact paid himself for the second one!! I am in bits I know he loves me and I still want to marry him but I cant get the images out of my mind and feel physically sick at the thought!! I need help 2 get this out of my head before I go insane!! xxxxx
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Relax. It's not cheating. He hasn't slept with someone or been intimate in any way with someone else. What he is doing is blowing off some steam with friends. He loves you a lot and it hasn't changed.
Those girls to him represent a fantasy or something he can never have and he knows it. Most men do. It's satisfying a sexual curiosity or need in a safe manner. When he comes home he's 100% thinking about you.
You should tell him that rather than lie about it own up to the dances. Tell him you are uncomfortable with strip clubs, dances and other girls and wish he would stop but that you can't control him.
I know you have never thought of this idea but have an open mind. A lot of couples these days visit the clubs it's not just a male thing. Maybe just once go along with him and see the kind of dances and other stripping that goes on so you can relax about it. Some dancers I've heard will do dances for either partner if it's in your comfort zone.
If you learn that the club is harmless and just another form of entertainment and see it as such it will be fine. These dancers never allow inappropriate touching or behavior so your fiance hasn't done anything wrong really.
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All men want a woman who to the public view, is his prim and proper wife. But behind closed doors she's the vixon who satisfies all his sexual needs and fantasies and she demands he do the same for her. Unfortunately, not all marriages are like that. So for some women, or men, the draw to find that "spice' outside the marriage is very strong... not because they don't love their partner, they just aren't being totally sexually fulfilled by their partner. It would behoove you to learn to get over feeling self concious around your husband because that will kill the sexual passion quickly. The self consciousness will fade over time if you make baby steps.
Sorry but to touch on this subject from all angles, this is going to be quite a bit longer.
I feel it's important that you understand this next fact: Reality is that an amazingly scary amount of people are not married to their sexual equal. I know from experience by having frank chats with many women friends at work. Later, When I was on line dating, men wrote me who had marriages where the wife supposedly did not want sex and they were looking for some spice and romance outside the marriage but confessed in every single case that they loved her and did not want to leave her to remarry. The love bond is strong but male sex drives are always going whereas many women's sex drives go into hibernation when nothings going on at home. And having a healthy sex drive that is not being satisfied at home is what will push women and men to look outside marriage. This situation didn't occur on its own. Both partners had a part in it getting that way. Or perhaps they ignored the fact that they were not a perfect match to begin with. Be totally sure if you are going to marry.
Now, in support of you: lets say you have a point,If you feel inferior somehow to the lap dancer type of girl...then ask yourself...is he truly more attracted to that type of woman over me? Or am I uncomfortable because of my upbringing or religious ideals?
Have you ever asked him what type of women he had been attracted to in the past? If you haven't you are missing out on some helpful important information. For example:
My husband from teen years on was interested in and dated older women 10 + years older than him. He always preferred natural beauty over makeup, hair dyes and breast implants and a petite figure. I fit the description for what he gravitates towards.
You're probably asking, "Then whats to stop him from gravitating to other petite older women with the natural look?' Good question.
The answer is, It's who I am inside...my personality, my nurturing nature, spiritual side, sense of humor and creativeness. Another body that looks like me is not guaranteed to have the same personality and things in common as me. He knows that.
So have some heart to heart conversation right now. You both must be open about your wishes and expectations.
If you are willing, work toward becoming less self conscious in life and less self conscious sexually. A good attitude for a healthy sex life is being creative and spontaneous. So a great motto to live by might be: 'Anytime, anywhere for any reason.
P.S. Do not enter marriage focusing your energy on worrying that he is going to be tempted to topless bars or viewing pornography on line. That is a negative focus. Have a positive focus...what can you learn to do at home to keep the passion alive between you two. It takes work. You can not remain passive as some wives do. You will need to be proactive at times...a healthy balance.
Good luck sweetie.
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Stag's are usually pretty crazy. and strippers/dancers are def a cool thing for dudes. Honestly. i wouldn't worry too much. he did not sleep with them. and he loves you very very much.
That's why he's marrying you. Just remember all the love that you two share. and remember this is a very minimal thing. you've got your whole life ahead of you guys:P
*Jasmine~
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