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trust/other problems
my boyfriend and i had started dating six months ago knowing he would leave for college abd we'd break up. he leaves at the end of june. needless to say, I'm having a hard time. I'm a year younger, 17/f. recently he said he "cares about me and likes me sometimes," because I'm sometimes "clingy,needy, and dramatic." maybe i am. whenever he pulls away or seems distant, i hold on tighter. we got in a weird fight, and i didn't know what to do. i talked to a few friends. he got hurt that i told my friends things he told me in confidence. he's angry. he thinks he still cares about me. idk where my relationship is. we talk sometimes, and he seems almost normal, but then he sways back. he's way too busy to talk often and hang out,he has work to do, itrust that. main issue is,i broke his trust. i need it back. how do i not be clingy? it's hard when i remember he's going away soon. in the beginning, he was the perfect boyfriend. we were great. five months in, it got rough. i still like him a ton, but he's having a hard time. we haven't had sex. am i the problem? and what should i suggest? we haven't kissed in four days. we talked just last night and it was normal. but idk if he wants to be around me or kiss me. he said "I'm staying with you because even though I'm upset, we're still in a relationship and if you want to try and move past it, we wil." but he does not know for sure if we will. but he's willing to try and i am to. what do i do to help it?
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He had issues with you before you broke trust.
Most people, adults too, tend to shy away from needy clingy people unless they have a desire to control another person. The needy clingy type are just what they go after and an abuse cycle may start. If you do not learn how to deal with this, you will repel a lot more men in life or attract one who ends up abusing and using you.
One good thing is that apparently he seems to like a lot about you, its just the stuff you mentioned and already know about that he does not like. He is learning to grow up and spot what is healthy in a relationship and what is not.
So what should you do? Focus on becoming a woman who is confidant, has a good self image, at peace with herself, and make these changes for yourself not because you want to find a way to keep him. There is a belief that a man needs a woman or a woman needs a man to make themselves whole, as if they were only half a person to start. It is better for two wholes to become a couple. As a person needing a partner to be complete, that implies there is something missing in you that you must depend on the other for. If the other isn't able to be that for you 24/7, you then panic because you don't feel your support to lean on, and this process robs you of the experience to grow stronger yourself. I was in your shoes once. So I know you can do it. Self help books are great. But you might tell a school counselor if you're ready to work on yourself, and see what suggestions they have for you, perhaps there are specialized counseling they might refer you to. Good luck sweetie. Here's to a confident rosy future for you!!!
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So at least you are realizing what the problems are.
It seems like he doesn't know what he wants and you feel like you're too clingy.
So you obviously don't want to lose him. But holding on tighter to a guy who is confused will make things worse. You probably feel if you let him go, he'll just move on.
You aren't the problem, a lot of relationships get like this. After the first few happy months, things start getting more tense, more fights happen, ect. But you can get past that by working on it.
Just let him know you want to work through this and you are going to work on not being clingy and he should put some effort in. Two makes a relationship, it won't work if only one is working on it.
So to be less clingy, start finding time for yourself. Don't call him as much, text him as much, ect. Start doing new things, new hobbies, new activities, clubs, sports, anything really. Go out with your friends and do stuff with them.
It's better to not talk to your boyfriend all the time or hang out with him all the time because you don't get a chance to miss each other.
Take this time to improve yourself and enjoy yourself.
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honey your young and this is an early innocent relationship don't take it too seriously. I've been 17 and i know how hard it is to not become totally obsessed and taken over by this. Try to spend more time with friends and doing things you like and give him LESS ATTENTION!!! When he pulls away think of it as something that will inevitably happen so there is no use getting worked up over it. In other words let him go if he pulls away. You know the relationship is going to be short term and end in about 7 weeks when he goes to school right? So you don't have much to loose the relationship is short term so take the good things you can from it and LEAVE the rest. You will have more relationships and you'll be happy to know that as men get older they get better. Young men right out of high school are rude and disrespectful. He thinks he is going to meet way hotter girls in college and it doesn't matter if he is rude to you or treats you badly. I assure you i knew many boys like this and after a few years of having their hearts trampled on they finally appreciated what a sweet girl I am. Too bad for them by that point I was older also and dating men that appreciated my good nature and desire to be sweet to people.
So bottom line if he wants to act rude, unappreciative and disrespectful then good riddance. If he can manage to be pleasant company then you keep kissing him and go on dates and have fun before he leaves for school. These are the days of your life don't wast them with someone who doesn't deserve it.
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