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Horrible Cousin!


Question Posted Sunday May 5 2013, 6:06 pm

I will go with it straight: I have this little cousin - he's in like third or second grade - that is down right...inappropriate. See his parents aren't exactly the best ones there are, which I feel so very sorry about, really, his dad is my uncle and he's a great guy but throughly irresponsible. His mom is nice too but like I said: they avoid responsibilities. Sorry I went off topic. I just wanted you to know that I do indeed feel sympathy for him, but his actions sometimes really...set me off. My grandparents tend to him like he's their own son - which is not necessarily bad - and therefore always got him whatever he wanted with no exception - which is the bad part. He's idol - unfortunately - is my brother and therefore anything my brother has, he needs to have, anything my brother does he needs to do. He's really loud and disrespectful:

-When nobody's paying attention to him because they're having a VERY important conversation, he jumps right in to scream nonsense like: LOOK AT THAT! LOOK AT THIS!

-He is per-ver-ted: He loves it when on TV shows a man or a woman show private parts (even though they don't show it) and he made a comment to my mom and dad that I will not repeat because it makes really nauseous and dirty.

-He is always getting sick: Sometimes he fakes it, other times it's for real so it's really hard to tell when he's really sick, like when has (shudder) diarreah or vomit. Yuck.

The worst part is that nobody really...makes him understand that the stuff he does or says are wrong. Oh, something I forgot: he disrespects my grandfather, greatly. And my grandmother defends him.

The last time my brother was in the hospital me and my sister had to go with my grandparents to their house (it was 11pm) and you know what they did? They went over to my cousin's other grandparents's house, woke them up, and took my cousin with us (they put up the excuse that he would probably still be awake and that he would be immensely bored because they didn't have any electronically devices thy my brother liked). My cousin was fast asleep when they picked him up. My sister and I literally went to sleep at 1am because of their impulse. Plus I'm pretty sure they made my cousin's other grandparents feel really bad by taking him.

All in all: What in the world can I do? Don't say wait until your older and move out or live with please, I've already been dealing with him for five years. Just remember, I'm not saying I hate him, I just wish he could be a little bit more...sane.


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adviceman49 answered Monday May 6 2013, 11:07 am:
The fact that you did not give your age makes answering you just a bit tougher. You say;"I've already been dealing with him for five years." I could and will take this to mean you are at least 12 years old.

IF I am correct then from what you have written; your cousin is somewhat a normal 7 year old doing what most all children of his age and age difference to you always do. Yes, from what you have written your grandparents do seem to show him a bit of favoritism. Unfortunately grandparents have a tendency to do this. I myself am guilty of that transgression with any child I deem to be somewhat under privileged or emotionally or physically handicapped.

As a young pre-teen or teenager going through puberty as well. The actions of a child this age can be annoying if not down right obnoxious at times for you. The problem is there is not a lot you can do about it for he is family and you are two young to go up to your Aunt or Uncle and tell them they need to get their act together and be better parents.

One day you too will become a parent. When it happens it is a scary time for when that child comes into the world it does not come with a handbook of how to be a good parent. We learn on the job and hopefully we are mature enough to recognize the responsibility and can draw upon the good way we were raised to start with.

I know this last part does not help you today. What you can do is when you around your cousin is to try and show him better ways to act. Say when he tries to draw attention to himself. You could say to him; "Billy they are talking you should wait for them to finish before you ask for something or start talking. Correct him gently when you see him doing something wrong. You are allowed to correct him especially if you see him doing something that could hurt him. You are not allowed to discipline him except if you are baby sitting for him. Discipline is strictly the role of the parents.

If there is nothing else you can do then try to get away from him. Go to your room and close and lock you door. This way he cannot just walk in he will have to knock. He probably won't knock he will either scream your name or kick at the door. This is another time for you to teach him how to properly get your attention when your door is closed

Other than what I have advised I cannot think of anything else that you can do for the moment or at least for the next five or six years.

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solidadvice4teens answered Sunday May 5 2013, 7:56 pm:
He's 7-years-old for crying out loud. His behavior seems typical of little boys that age especially with curiosity about body parts and functions as well as saying or doing inappropriate things.

Yes, people should tell him "we don't do that because" but aren't. In the event you see him say or do something inappropriate that others haven't caught take him aside hold both of his hands and get on his level and tell him why his behavior isn't right. Maybe that will help.

You also have to understand you were 7-years-old too and likely a pain in the ass at times to people around you that were not your parents. After all the shit this kid as gone through with bad parenting and family issues cut him breaks where he needs it and try to walk the balance beam between cousin and someone responsible who can address his behavior with him.


The rest of your family probably treats him like they do because they know his situation at home isn't great. Also, it can get really dicey when others discipline somebody else's id for bad behavior. Chalk most of this up to him being 7 or 8-years-old.

As far as him disrespecting your grandfather it's really up to him to say something but you could tell your cousin if you see it happening that this is not the way we treat people and see if he learns from that.

I will tell you one other thing stop resenting this kid. Anger and resentment is like drinking a tub of bleach for every negative thought you harbor against someone. It poisons you and not them. Sometimes those who seem the most unlovable need you the most. Be a mentor.

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