|
Husband makes me feel horrible about losing my sex drive during pregnancy
So, I'm just one of those women that has completely lost my sex drive due to my pregnancy. I feel horrible about it because I love my husband and want to show my love, but the only way I feel like doing that is by affection like flirting, kissing, hugging, etc. Every once in awhile I'll force myself to have sex with him just to please him. Now I'm 38 weeks and all that pressure from the baby has made my vagina extra sore. And it's gotten tighter and more painful to have sex. My nausea has come back and I also have bad heartburn. So I don't feel like giving oral sex either, which I used to love doing. Does he care that it's painful for me? Or that my gag reflex is all of a sudden super active? No. He says he understands, but obviously not because he makes sure to make me feel like absolute s**t when I tell him I honestly don't feel like having sex. If I force myself to he'll keep going even if he sees that it hurts me or I'm not enjoying it and only stop when I'm on the verge of tears. I'm so incredibly uncomfortable, I'm literally about to pop any day now. He makes me cry sometimes because of how bad he makes me feel about it. He says he wishes I wasn't pregnant/regrets getting me pregnant because I'd still have my sex drive if I wasn't. Which made me feel even worse because I interpreted that as him caring more about sex than our child inside of me. I thought that was kind of immature and selfish. What do you guys think? Am I over-analyzing and a being a b**ch for not feeling like having sex, or is he being an a**hole for making me feel horrible about it? I feel like he should be more understanding and supportive..
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Sexual Health and Reproduction category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Pregnancy?
I echo the suggestion...you will need to see a counselor. You are not in a good position for if counseling doesnt improve things, you have a newborn to deal with as well as contemplating the end of the relationship.
We can hope for miracles. But people do not change that fast. I was married to a heartless person, 30 years because after the first child I was afraid to leave. Then I had 2 more and was really stuck. He never went for counseling and I was verbally abused worse and worse and time went on and btw, sexually mismatched as well. My only regret is I didnt leave sooner.
Your guy sounds very selfish and immature. If you were not pregnant, this behavior would eventually crop up elsewhere in the relationship. Or maybe it was already there and You have been denying it to yourself as I did. Don't make excuses for him.
You deserve to have a man who worships you as the Goddess you are, you who brings forth life into the world, the creative force on this planet.
And think of the child, if he is really resenting the fact its on the way, how will he treat it as a child growing up...definately not the best it could be and your child could end up with emotional problems or behavioral problems if Dads treatment of him/her were severe enough for the childs psyche. So sorry to hear this.
You are not in the wrong. He is the a**hole
]
What he is doing is terrible and is not a good sign for your relationship. The two of you need to see a counselor about this. There is no way that he should be disrespecting you like this. You may think it's an isolated thing that'll be over once you're not pregnant anymore, but you must consider that it could start to show in other places of your relationship as well. If he refuses to go, go on your own. You do need help working through this situation. Please stop doing things that are uncomfortable for you. By allowing him to do it a few times, you may have him believing that it's really not that bad and as long as he pressures you enough, you'll give in like it's some sort of game. It is bad and he needs to understand that. His selfish, momentary pleasure is not worth the pain you are experiencing. He doesn't need sex, but you need comfort in body and mind right now. The only way to get him to back off is to tell him no. Clearly you forcing yourself to do something for him is not making him happy and is not being appreciated by him because he continues to do it and to cause you pain. This is never okay. Start talking to a counselor and start feeling better. You're right, this should be a joyous time in your life that shouldn't be spoiled by something as trivial as sex. A counselor will be able to help you work through this situation and give you the joy that you deserve. Good luck!
]
Your husband is being very immature and thinking only of himself and his own needs. I'm surprised being 38 weeks pregnant your doctor has not told you sexual intercourse is off limits until after the baby is born and your vagina heals.
As for oral sex or even a hand-job the position for you to do either one has got to be uncomfortable for you. His failure to recognise this shows his immaturity as well as his lack of knowledge about what it is like for a women in the late term of pregnancy. He needs to grow up and man up.
In fact my advice would be to buy him some girly magazines and a bottle of lubricating lotion and tell him to go into the bathroom and take care of his needs himself until the doctor gives you the okay to have sex again. But if he continues to act as an immature child he may be waiting quite sometime before you allow him sexual privileges again.
This should be a wonderful time in your life, even with the discomforts of pregnancy. He is spoiling this time for both of you by being selfish and wanting only what he wants for himself. Really he needs to man-up. As the saying goes. He had the fun of making the baby now he has to start living up to the responsibilities of becoming a parent. Part of those responsibilities is being supportive of you during the pregnancy.
]
More Questions: |