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my friend has depression
So me&my friend are both 15/f and my friend has depression. It's getting worse and worse and its been going on for months now and I have no idea what to do for her..she needs help. However, she does NOT want to go to the doctors, she cant tell my parents and I cant tell mine..its out of the question. Also my school is just so untrustworthy , we tried talking to them before and theyre just so stupid and unhelpful its ridiculous. Without all that is there a way to help her? I mean im assuming unhelpful answers here, but I need something thanks!
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Want to answer more questions in the Health & Fitness category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
As they say in the TV commercials Depression Hurts. I know because I have suffered clinical depression. You cannot deal with this yourself for it requires professional help. Without it depression can spiral out of control at anytime and that is when things get real scary.
It is not unusual for a teenager to suffer from depression. In fact instead of calling it clinical depression they now call it teenage depression as while the symptoms may be the same the cause behind the symptoms are slightly different. Your grandparents use to call this a phase children went through. We know better now.
By keeping you friends secret you are not helping her; you are in fact hurting her. Would you rather have a live friend who may initially hate you for telling someone about her or attend her funeral because you kept her secret.
I'm not trying to scare you into doing what you need to do. She may be able to hide her depression from her parents or her parents may think this is just a normal teenage reaction to puberty. Maybe it is maybe it is not only a qualified doctor can say for sure. One thing else is for sure is that if she is suffering from depression she could be just one depressive episode away from doing something to hurt herself.
There is nothing wrong with you informing your parents of what you are observing in her or what she may be telling you. Your parents then can decide if her parents need to be told and they can inform her parents. In talking with your parents about your friend you may be saving her life. I urge you to talk to your parents about this or the school nurse if you have one.
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If your friend has depression, she has to get help for it. Like if she is clinically depressed, and if it's not the type of depression people go through because of break ups, ect, then she will go through way more than just this.
What did they say at your school? They are supposed to call the parents and tell them about what is going on and get you some help.
Anyways, since she has a problem, she needs a doctor to treat her. Or else she won't be getting better. Truly depressed people can fake being happy easily and eventually some get so depressed that they hurt themselves or worse.
It's your job as a friend to not let that happen.
When I was hurting myself, I was so mad at my friend for going to the school counselor. But now I am so grateful.
Why does she not want to go to the doctors? And why can't she tell her or your parents? Is it because she's afraid or some other reason?
These kinds of things can't be out of the question because she's young and she needs help. You know she does and what else is she going to do without getting medical help for her depression?
Do what's right. You can't let her go on like this.
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There is nothing that can help here other than medical treatment. This is a serious mental-health issue. If she doesn't get it in check while she still can it's going to hit as a hurricane sized crisis multiple times bigger.
I KNOW she is scared of doctors and hospitals but need not be. They act out of love and care for each person they treat. What your friend HAS to do is TELL her parents she can't function, the kind of bad thoughts or emotions she has and go to an emergency room.
Tell her to be BRUTALLY HONEST here as it's the only way she get helped when talking to the on-call psychiatrist. Unless he or she thinks that your friend is in harms way, in crisis where harm could come to her they will set a course for treatment and put her on anti-depressants.
Let's say your friend did stay in the hospital. It's really not that bad having done two tours of duty myself. All that happens is that for 72 hours they observe you, you have a private room, can rest, have family/friends in and they do your meals, have support groups, games and try to make the ward as comfortable as possible while she rests and gets the medication right. Then you go home. It's a time where she can put everything on hold but her and being well.
She may think that she can't tell her parents, teachers, adults, friends but believe me adults close to her have to help or it will be a ton worse believe me. They won't disown her or be ashamed of her. She has an illness that's all and they and she knows it's not her who created it.
You should tell your parents the truth. You were taught that icky secrets never get kept as a child and this one qualifies. It's your friend's welfare and as hard as it is to tell them you know in your heart that it's the only way to help her. Not telling and she gets 10 times worse how will you feel then? Think about it.
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You do realize as her friend that you must be 100% committed because she's gonna need the support to stick with this throughout her healing process. I don't understand why the parents cant be told unless you feel they will cart her off to the doctors.
The subject of depression is close to my heart because I helped one daughter to use these methods to get over depression of losing a boyfriend. She lost weight and couldnt sleep before she finally took the one free appointment offered through her job to see a counselor. He told her everything I had already told her. She came to me in amazement..."mom you are really smart" During her worst days, she needed to hear my reassuring encouraging voice daily, leaning on my strength and reminders to use these healing methods.
I have felt depression during my lifetime too. I never liked the way it made me feel so I only allowed it to hang around maybe 3 days before I would employ these methods to raise my Neurotransmtters. At the time I did not know what they were and that doesnt matter, it still works.
Neurotransmitters NT's are chemicals located and released in the brain to allow an impulse from one nerve cell to pass to another nerve cell.
Our brain needs sufficient amounts of neurotransmitters (chemical messengers used by nerve cells) to function at its best. Stress, worry, emotional distress, depression, high blood pressure, ulcers, migraine headaches, strokes, alcoholism, anger, fatigue, drug addiction, poor eating habits and pollution, are indicators that your neurotransmitters are at dangerously low levels. Additionally, today's normal diet does not provide sufficient nutrients to produce adequate neurotransmitter NT levels.
Do computer researches one these words: neurotransmitter (low levels), serotonin, dopamine and oxytocin. All three are neurotransmitters.
You will find all sort of helpful information on the net on ways to raise the levels of these hormones which will help depression. Even diet is addressed. In fact, thats how Doctors help by introducing a precursor drug that allows the brain to make it on its own NT's if it isn't currently doing so. So can our brain create the NT's without a Doctors's prescription of a precursor drug? Yes the human body has a wonderful ability to self heal itself IF it is given the right conditions to do so.
Alright, then what are those conditions?
Hugging is a big one. Again do the research yourself on the net. Look up Hug therapy. Even more fun is to watch video's of people offering free hugs. In fact the two of you together for safety could both do the same making signs that say "Free Hugs" and give hugs to whomever comes up to you for hugs. You can't give a hug to someone without getting the NT's raising effect in return. Hugging instantly jump starts your brains ability to manufacture NT's so your levels go up. When the levels get back to normal levels, the depression should be much much less if not gone altogether. In science reports, 4 hugs a day are considered a bare basic survival for example and most of us get less or none every day.
HOW TO HUG
There are different ways to hug but the most effective for your friends need is this:
The full body hug. What we call a bear hug, totally enveloping us, it touches all the bases. We really look at each other. There is no evasion or ignoring that they are about to hug and make it last longer than a few seconds, the longer the better. Personalize and customize each hug you give. ending with some pats on the back when your bear hug is done or rock side to side while hugging. It all works
Laughter: You've heard the term that Laughter is the best medicine. That is because it had a medicinal effect on our bodies, helping us to produce the NT's we need. It's hard to want to laugh when feeling depressed so your friend will have to be committed to doing everything I list. Easy is putting really funny movies. Check internet for comedians and watch some shows. YOu may have to search for a style that you both find funny. Have you ever run into people whose speech is punctuated by laughs instead of "periods or comma's" That's me. I don't have to think about it. My body knows how much laughter is needed and so I impulsively laugh.
Brisk movement: In todays society, we sit in cars, sit in school, sit in front of the TV or computer. Our bodies do not get enough movement to produce NT's. I have heard a brisk walk suggested though that is not my favorite. So Putting on music and dancing to the beat is a good way to up your NT's, silly is good, spinning and twirling too. Just last week, I wrote a blog about hugging and wanted to do one on Skipping too as another way to get rid of depression.
Back to skipping, I don't mean skipping jump rope, just skipping like little kids do, that kind of hop, jump movement forward. You won't find it on an internet search. NO one has it. But I skipped last week with husband as he walked, I couldn't help laughing because i felt so silly and kid-like and it felt good. It's too embarassing to do along so go together, hold hands and skip. It's also good aerobic exercise.
Music, sound, singing: Music has always had a way to touch people in a restorative way. Some like using singing bowls, gong sounds. But the best is simply singing along to the songs where the melody itself makes you feel soo good. It may take a while for your friend to figure out which songs do that for her. So she may start her collection of those kinds of songs to use in the future once she is healed of depression but has a bad stressful day and puts on her playlist of mood lifting music. I can't describe it as anything different than a feeling of butterflies rising within you, your soul waking up from somewhere in your stomach, sprouting wings and wanting to fly out of your heart to soar in the air above in joy. When you feel that, you have the right music. It doesn't matter the lyrics as much as the sound of the melody. For example one of those songs for me is the song Clocks by Coldplay.
There isn't instant change and relief using natural methods to fight depression. After all you say it took a while for her to get worse over months time. So the healing willing be in slow bits too. She has to stick with this and try to do something everyday that helps raise the bodys NT's. Working on her thought process, vocalizing positive statements is good too. If you can't think of any, both of you join some pages on facebook that daily post positive sayings. Have her tell you which are her favorites, and if she can't pick, pick some for her. Write them down and stick them somewhere on her bedroom walls, and on her school binder...where she'll see them everyday. State them aloud together. At school she might want to whisper it under her breath...but repeatedly say them even if she doesn't feel positive. It will take some time to retrain her mind to stop thinking negatively which brings down the NT's and thinking positively which brings them up.
Good luck. May your guardian angels be working hard to bring this together. She is blessed to have you for a friend.
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