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Shallow "friends"
I've been friends with these two girls for as long as I can remember, but in the past two years, we've drifted apart. We've all changed. All they seem to care about now is conforming. I'm a non-conformist and "proud nerd". In addition, I'm very analytical and philosophical; I don't accept values and morals before questioning them. My friends will accept any values thrown at them that seem "cool". This is what I believe is the cause of our separation; I could be wrong.
Anyway, they've become friends with my 11-year-old sister (henceforth referred to as R), and they're really bad influences on her. Since R has been friends with them, she's started failing all her classes, eating only candy, swearing, and acting really rude, hostile, and arrogant, especially towards my parents and I. (They do all of the aforementioned things. A lot.) My parents are concerned about R. Whenever I'm with the three of them, they either ignore everything I say (even if I try to have a conversation they're interested in) or dismiss my opinions and thoughts as stupid and dorky. They're really, really rude and obnoxious; they're so loud sometimes I feel like my hearing might be getting damaged. Whenever I tell R how I feel, they ask me why they should care about me. When I'm alone with the other girls (I'm going to call them K and A), they're not as rude to me as they are with R, but they're still kind of haughty. I'm tired of them acting like I don't matter.
There's this one guy at school who all the girls crush on. (Isn't there one at every school?) They talk about him 24/7. K practically stalks him. I feel bad for him, but don't know what to do. I feel like I can't tell them what I think.
My friends are still kind of fun sometimes. A few months ago, we went shopping together and had a pretty good time. (I don't hang out with them; I'm a pre-professional violist and practice several hours every day instead.) I have some online friends who I'm really close to and a large number of acquaintances whom I don't know well but like. I kind of still want to be friends with them. What should I do?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
I see a big issue with your sister, because they obviously aren't a good influence. I'd talk to her, and talk to your parents. You sound like a good sister. You can't change her, you can only try to help and your parents, I'm sure are aware.
With your friends, they're not really your friends. They don't treat you like a friend. They may be fun sometimes, but in my opinion, they're not the friends you should have.
They're obviously influencing your sister, be a good example to your sister. If you're still hanging around people who are rude, hostile and arrogant, why shouldn't she?
So my opinion, be friendly but not friends. Find new friends and keep doing what you love.
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I agree with Venesaw's answer above.
You should be yourself and dont let anyone have too much influence over you.
Being a nerd is fine, because --hey, maybe you'll be a famous violinist, and earn tons more money, get a wonderful husband and have smarter kids than them in the future?
Okay, I know that sounds shallow, but its so true-hard work pays off. And if you still know them in that future, they wont dismiss you as much!!
If they ignore you again, ask them why. If theyre truly your friends they will feel bad and apologize.
But seriously, if theyre alright with what you say, and still fun, do stay friends with them.
But with girls like that I would recommend talking to those other aqaintances and making more friends. So if these shallow girls let you down, at least you'll have some other people to turn to, and you wont feel so lonely!
Same applies to your sister. At least warn her.
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I would say stay true to who you are and so should your sister. Advice her the way to go about. you an your sister have to be yourself if anyone tried to be someone they are not its just time wasting and deceiving your self and also some self confidence issues needs to be addressed with your friends.
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As I assume you are the older sister I understand you want to protect your sister and help her where you can. The problems you related about her are really your parents to monitor and correct, not yours. You can help them by giving them your opinion of the girls that are being a bad influence on her. Then if your parents wish they can take the appropriate corrective action.
Part of the problem is, I believe hormonal. Your sister is in away rebelling against the onset of puberty. This too would be somewhat normal for her or any prepubescent child. Also something your parents maybe aware of and are monitoring.
As for what you have related about yourself and the changes you see between yourself and your friends. This too is normal. You are maturing at a faster rate then your friends.
You call yourself a "proud nerd." There is nothing wrong with paying attention to your studies and getting good grades. This tells me you are well grounded and you have at the very least a rudimentary life plan and goals to achieve that plan. This is good. Most likely this is grounded in your studies as a "pre-professional violist." Again nothing wrong here. You must enjoy playing the Violin. If you practice hard enough there is no reason you cannot achieve your goals. You just have to stay focused and get in to the right school of music. This requires good grades in all subjects.
The difference between you and your friend is not that you or they are abnormal; it is they have not found a reason to mature to the point you have. This is very normal. Life may have to smack them in the face before they realize what they have wasted or are washing; while you are making your way towards a rewarding career.
My advice is for you to continue to be you. Let them continue to be themselves. When your with them enjoy who they are and if you can try to be at there level while your with them. Most importantly though is not to give up on your goals.
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