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Unheatlhy Friendship?
I dated my first boyfriend for almost three years. He was my best friend since I was 8 years old. The entire time we were together he was in and out of rehab and group homes. I was 16 and he was 15. A month before his rehab stay ended, (he was in a home in Utah and I lived in Pennsylvania), I ended things with him. I was extremely overwhelmed with the idea that he would be home all the time, and that I would be partly responsible for helping to keep him sober. I was almost 18 at the time.
He came home, we didn't talk for a while, he went to jail and I moved out of state. Basically our lives just went in different directions. When I came back to Pennsylvania we started talking a bit again, and I realized that I had been carrying a huge weight about how guilty I felt for leaving him. He was my best friend and I abandoned him when he needed me the most. Ever since I ended things he has never been able to pick his life back up. Hes 21 now and been in jail 3 times. The most recent was for a year. He wants to be friends again, but I know that "friends" to him will turn into something more in his head. It always does. I have a boyfriend, and I love him and don't want to do anything that will mess up my relationship. I guess my problem is I feel like if iI don't have a friendship with my ex, this guilt that i feel for leaving him will never go away...maybe if I do pursue a friendship with him he will quit messing up? But if I do, I risk messing up what I have with my boyfriend. I just don't know what to do at this point. He claims that if I'm in his life he knows he can fix himself...I just don't know if I believe it.
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Well, you need to realize that you're not responsible for his mistakes. He changed a lot from 8 years old right? You were somewhat in his life during those times.
You have a boyfriend, you're happy with him and you're afraid if you start a friendship with your ex, he'll want more. So don't do it. Don't be mean, be friendly but not friends.
You shouldn't feel guilty because it's not your fault, if he wanted to, he could pick up his life but he can't depend on people to keep his life straight, he needs to do it for himself.
That kind of pressure should not be on you.
You care about him, you always will and you want what's best for him but you're life is good and you don't want to ruin things or keep worrying about him. Keep in touch with him every now and then but don't let him put things in your life on hold.
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If is never a way to start a life together and it's something he needs to understand. He had you at one point and that was not enough to keep him from keeping his life straight. Now it's time to straighten your life out. Fact is, there are many loves that just can't be, together they are doomed and neither person is listening to their Spirit. You are starting to listen, he is not. Your friendship keys on his ability to except that your futures do not lie together and we will love many people in our lives, but there is only one only who you are suppose to be with at any given time in your life. Your path in this life must be decided by you, so I'm not going to tell you what to do, but you already know don't you? Be well dear one.
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